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AIBU?

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Original poster

DH refusing dinner issue

289 replies

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 14:36

thursday morning he txt when he was at work asking what’s for dinner as he needed to know if he had to try borrow some money, with it being the day before payday we had barely any food in
I replied saying we’ve got stuff in for a roast if you fancy it? And asked what time he would be home
he was happy with this
around lunchtime on his break we had an argument unrelated and at the end he said “don’t bother with dinner it’s not worth the hassle”
I didn’t reply to this message as I couldn’t be bothered with arguing but I’m not just going to not bother as the kids need to eat
he’s then gone and borrowed money off his mum and walked in the door after work with McDonald’s
So after 2 hours of slaving in the kitchen cooking a roast the kids didn’t want any of it.
Hes been in a mood since because we argued about that too, him saying I’m ungrateful and that he told me not to bother with dinner so it’s my own fault
but the kids had to eat and I didn’t know he was going to get his mum to send him money at his big age of 37, so was I meant to take the risk and leave them with nothing

OP posts:
NoMoreLifts · 22/10/2022 17:33

Though, yummy Bubble aside, it's a waste of money to buy takeaway food when you're short.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/10/2022 17:34

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 17:27

@saltinesandcoffeecups he didn’t tell me he was getting dinner, sorting it, or that he was boring money, he said “don’t bother with dinner it’s not worth the hassle” I didn’t make it to spite him I made it to feed my kids

That still doesn’t make sense… Wouldn’t you assume when he said don’t bother that he would go back to his plan of borrowing money and getting dinner?

. I asked him if he done it by accident and he doesn’t like hearing that he’s at fault

I think this makes two of you.

It sounds like you are both struggling, and likely exhausted. But good grief you two need to act like a team. His decision to borrow money for dinner was a bad one. Your decision to throw away perfectly good food was a bad one. You are now working against each other and getting angry at the other trying to help.

I mean I’d be a little mad too if my spouse asked me if I intended to ruin a load of laundry with bleach instead of recognizing that I made a mistake. What did you expect him to say. “No Hunny, I figured I’d go out of my way to cost us money by deliberately pouring bleach into the wash”.

BadGranny · 22/10/2022 17:38

This sounds more like two kids playing house and falling out. You both need to grow up.

Fluffycloudland77 · 22/10/2022 17:40

BadGranny · 22/10/2022 17:38

This sounds more like two kids playing house and falling out. You both need to grow up.

I agree with this. Life’s too short for this.

Shoxfordian · 22/10/2022 17:47

It seems like neither of you have the maturity to be in a relationship yet you have 4 kids

Azandme · 22/10/2022 17:51

You'd struggle less if you didn't throw away perfectly good food, and blow money on McDonald's. It's not a treat, it's a debt.

I'm lucky to have enough money to make it to the end of the month, with some treats - but that's because there is no way I'd throw away any of a roast dinner! Reheat roast potatoes in the oven. Veg microwave reheats fine.

catfunk · 22/10/2022 17:53

So you could have replied to say 'no I'm
cooking a roast as the kids need to eat'. As you didn't reply, perhaps that confirmed he should get takeaway in his head.

How did you have 'barely any food in' yet enough for a roast?

Yes he's an idiot, borrowing money for nutritionally devoid shite when you have roast ingredients in.

Do you often argue over text when he's at work?
So many questions, you both sound very immature tbh.

Notconfident · 22/10/2022 17:53

Sounds like he was trying to do something nice as a treat (however misguided given he needed to borrow money in the first place) and as he hadn't told you he was getting it you assumed the plan was still going ahead because he'd already agreed to it earlier and hadn't mentioned he was going to bring food back. Communication here is the issue as well as worrying about money and budgeting. Do you have an excel spreadsheet for budgeting or similar? Maybe meal planning on a google doc that can be shared would be useful too? Maybe if he says similar in the future, send something along the lines of "New plan?" that means he can follow up and let you know.

Also: Veg and potatoes from a roast make an amazing fry up later in the evening or the next day or even some kind of stew/chunky soup. My family used to do this regularly with meat leftover from it, don't chuck them!

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 22/10/2022 17:54

Can't believe you threw away food.
I ate leftover chips for lunch. Fried up with some veggies, just lovely!

nameoftheday · 22/10/2022 17:58

the cooked veg and potatoes went in the bin..

If you reheat potatoes in the microwave, the flavour is unaffected. Veg can go in there too of course

ChaosDemon · 22/10/2022 18:01

nameoftheday · 22/10/2022 17:58

the cooked veg and potatoes went in the bin..

If you reheat potatoes in the microwave, the flavour is unaffected. Veg can go in there too of course

Would have made a lovely bubble and squeak too.

Its hard to have sympathy for someone being skint when they borrow money for takeaways and throw perfectly good food in the bin.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/10/2022 18:06

nameoftheday · 22/10/2022 17:58

the cooked veg and potatoes went in the bin..

If you reheat potatoes in the microwave, the flavour is unaffected. Veg can go in there too of course

Even if the flavor is affected if you’re broke and it’s not gone off you suck it up and eat it anyway. Toss some seasoning or some type of sauce and you’ll never know the difference. Not to mention it’s one meal. If it doesn’t taste good it’s not going to kill you.

Honestly, the throwing away the potatoes was just stupid and ( I suspect) petty. Who gets to be an adult without having reheated potatoes?

StupidSmallFruit · 22/10/2022 18:11

Wow, one of you is on minimum wage, and the other is a SAHP, and you have a takeaway for dinner and are throwing away food….?

What the…..?

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 22/10/2022 18:13

What a waste of food. Tbf to him, in the argument he did say not to bother, but you did a roast anyway. If he's borrowing money for a McDonald's, there's definitely problems, financially and priority wise.

Eupraxia · 22/10/2022 18:17

They all better get used to reheated dinners, it's the main-stay for my teenagers because they are so often at out - football / work / staying late at school / out with friends / insert any other social activity - when dinner is ready.

Its rare all six of us are home when dinner is served.

We have Roast Chicken Wednesday. I plate six meals. There are usually 3 or 4 of us home and we eat together. The others have a plate of dinner waiting for them in the oven when they get home.

lentilly · 22/10/2022 18:18

I don't get why you threw it away

saltinesandcoffeecups · 22/10/2022 18:25

lentilly · 22/10/2022 18:18

I don't get why you threw it away

There was clearly no reason to so I suspect she was mad and did it to prove a point.

CuteCillian · 22/10/2022 18:26

You can roast potatoes fully ahead of time and then reheat them later, roast them again at 400F (200C) for around 20 minutes before serving to regain the crispy texture.

Darbs76 · 22/10/2022 18:27

He shouldn’t be borrowing money for takeaway when there’s food in. Yes borrow for electric but a McDonald’s? No

Original poster
Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 18:29

I’ve had reheated potatoes before and they tasted like shit and powdery. I kept the meat and stuffing…

OP posts:
RaininSummer · 22/10/2022 18:29

You both sound very wasteful and it's not surprising your money doesn't last. The roast inc veg and potatoes would have been fine and I do think any money wasted on crappy takeaways with dubious nutritional value is quite daft.

thelobsterquadrille · 22/10/2022 18:31

Lisagreen12 · 22/10/2022 18:29

I’ve had reheated potatoes before and they tasted like shit and powdery. I kept the meat and stuffing…

I mean, in one sentence you complain you're so broke you need to borrow money to feed your kids, and in the next you're chucking away perfectly good food because it tastes a bit odd re-heated.

Roast potatoes are fine cold, or pan-fried in some oil, or re-heated in the oven. The vegetables can also be re-heated just fine with some butter or sauce.

thelobsterquadrille · 22/10/2022 18:31

If you're really on the bones of your arse, you wouldn't be chucking good food away.

roarfeckingroarr · 22/10/2022 18:31

Christ is he 14? Thinking MacDonalds is an actual family dinner? Borrowing money to get to pay day? Having a strop over text?

You're a saint OP

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 22/10/2022 18:33

There’s loads you can do with all of the leftovers from a roast, so yanbu in that respect. There are books and books dedicated to using leftovers, most recipes from which can be found online.

HIbU to spend money on a takeaway when you are short, to borrow money for that end or to do so in a fit of pique.

So a lot of unreasonableness going on!