Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

[Boxshibe]

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

Has he historically been bad at budgeting , have you?

If you are now able to (just about) cover all bills on your income and before that you had triple that coming in, am surprised that things are so very tight. Where’s all the money gone? He’s only been out of work a few months , would expect there still be enough savings to not panic about £60 as a one of.
When he gets a new job ,which is hopefully soon, you need to make sure he isn’t spaffing loads of it away again.

Seems he doesn’t understand how tight things are, let him take respond for the family budgeting while perhaps.

Op is not controlling she's trying to be careful after he quit his job!!!

I'd just give him £20 cash next time

I just love to see AIBU's reaction to a man coming on here and saying his wife shouldn't complain s he's not letting her go hungry.

😂

The OP is not being controlling.

Many poster have advised her that she should be

You give him £20 cash?

That's very controlling.

How is it financial abuse to say whether It’s a man or a woman. Doing it “partner has gone out at spent 3 times the agreed amount on a night out despite knowing that by doing so we won’t be able to pay bills etc as we are already on a very tight budget”

it’s not even about him not working. It’s about him being financially very irresponsible- just as he was when he quit his job with no discussion.

Why can't people disagree on any point without throwing insults about any more

I'm sure op wants different opinions so she formulate her own but why do some pp become so invested in everyone agreeing with their way of thinking?

OP, my understanding is that he left his job for mh reasons, is applying for many jobs and that this is not a regular occurrence so I wouldn't go for any of the rather heavy-handed solutions touted on here. Just start a discussion and talk it through. I hope a job comes from his pub outing.

Bullshit. That's just today's excuse for getting pissed and wasting money needed for bills and DD birthday present. Last time you spoke about it the justification was because you went on a works trip. Next time he'll come up with some other reason why he thinks it's acceptable. He's a selfish dickhead.

Job lead, my arse! His family is broke, there's no money for entertaining potential business contacts and he knows this. So do you. So why is he insulting your intelligence with this excuse?

What's he spent £60 on? A sandwich and a couple of pints?

That’s a good idea, OP could ask on Monday if her boss is willing to double her salary, effective immediately. Then there’ll be money for pub sandwiches and booze for her husband and he can just chill for a bit longer before getting another job.

Give me strength.

Bought to you straight by Tory party HQ.

Your post will make sense when men don't earn vastly more than women, simply by virtue of owing a penis.

And he chose to chuck his job in. Total fucking waster.

"And he chose to chuck his job in. Total fucking waster."

I've seen so many people post on mn over the years about how their job is affecting their mn and the advice is usually to prioritise mh. He is in his late 50s and has presumably always worked and contributed 2/3 of the family income so he's not a waster really is he?

He shouldn't have spent an extra £40 on his day with his friend. I'm not defending him for that but my goodness the vitriol for one misdemeanour seems disproportionate. OP said it also gave him a lead on a job so let's hope it all works out.

Wow 😂
are you in the “go OTT on the OP on your advice” thread that someone started the other day? 😂

This thread gives some MNers something the really prize.

The chance stick the boot into a man.

Sorry, he is under a moral obligation to support his family, to help support his partner.

He has not made any effort at all to find something else. It has been months. You can walk into my local Tesco and get a job stacking shelves or driving a van in no time at all. Is this kind of work beneath him?

There is nothing in the OP's posts to suggest that he is suffering from work-related mental health problems. If he was, I am sure she would have said.

I don't understand all these women so keen to support men pissing family money up the wall.

It's not about the 40 quid (though it might be if the OP is unable to switch the heating on or properly feed herself later this winter). It's about his broader behaviour.

OP’s husband has been the larger breadwinner for years, he loses his job and after three months you think he should have all his cards taken off him and given £20 for a day out? That is definitely controlling. You can barely get two drinks for £20 these days.

Your Tesco is either very unusual or you simply do not understand the job market then. I tried all Tescos within a ten mile radius for over two years and didn’t get so much as an interview.

You can barely get two drinks for £20 these days.

Not where I live!

I've seen so many people post on mn over the years about how their job is affecting their mn and the advice is usually to prioritise mh.

He had choices though, didn't he? He could have gone part time. He could have lined up something else before he left his stressful job. As a minimum, he should have discussed the decision with his wife.

I did. It was that, or, as I said above, quite possibly have a massive breakdown or kill myself. I did, however, find a new one very quickly. My DH was totally supportive though. If it meant being careful for a bit and getting his wife back, he was happy for me to do it.

I went for a drink with my sister in Marylebone. 1 pint of beer (quite strong) and a gin and tonic (with loads of plant material floating around) was 20 quid, so with bar snacks, two rounds could easily top 60 quid.

If you were down to your last £60 you would have found a cheaper establishment.