Dh unemployed and spending on my salary

[Boxshibe]

I'm pissed off. Dh has gone to meetca mate with the dogs for what I thought was a drink then walking the dogs together. So far he's spent £60 in the pub. I'm pissed off.
He quit his job end of July and is struggling to find a new one ( whole other story) so we've lost 2/3 of our income. I can pay rent bills and food if we're vv careful. He promised me that he'd only spend around £20 after the train fate to meet his friend. So annoyed.

He's on his way home now i think
He said he'd be home about 6.
I think I'm just scared he never gets a job and I have to find a job with a higher salary to fund us all. I like my job and its wfh.

Classic patronising Mumsnet response.

I love my local. I love my craft beer but the beer at the local holds up well against it. And it's under £3 a pint.

You’re a bit controlling. He’s your husband, that means legally it’s both of your money. £60 as a one off doesn’t sound unreasonable. Do you have anxiety, OP?

You absolutely have to be taking the piss. You're just playing mumsnet bingo -well done for getting "controlling, anxiety, 60 quid isn't unreasonable and legally it's both your money" into a couple of lines.

If you aren't taking the piss, check your fucking privilege. 60 quid is a huge amount of money to piss up the wall in a pub when the family income has dropped to a third and the OP is struggling to pay rent and bills on her salary.

If he's got a driving license there are loads of supermarket delivery jobs.

I get the same guy for a few months and never see them again.

It's clear they get other jobs or in the case of the younger ones in the summer, go back to college/uni.

£60 is a lot of money spent in the pub when you’re watching every penny to pay the bills. Not controlling at all, just being sensible.
Block the card before he spends any more.

That's only going to happen if you let it though.

There is absolutely no reason at all why he can't take a Christmas job at Argos or similar.

Do not stand for this.

Don't freeze his card or anything like that. It sounds like he's trying hard to find work. If you are worried then so is he. Freezing the card will just be additional humiliation.

Wait until he gets home and explains before doing anything.

Could he have an allowance for things like this, seeing friends, personal expenses? That way he has a budget and if he blows it it's gone. Obviously realise this may not be possible.

But he does need to know that £60 on drinks isn't sustainable, and he needs to think about taking temporary jobs and lowering his expectations, and you do
need a conversation about him doing more at home so you have equal leisure time.

You might have to fund yourself and your kids, but you certainly don't have to fund him forever. And certainly not if it's purely down to his 'shame'

Just a thought —- could the friend be giving your DH his half in cash and he’s paying all on the card?

He'll find a job if he stops being so picky.

Delivery driver
Supermarket work
Checkouts
Takeaways
Hospitality
Retail

All crying out for staff.

Supermarket picker or delivery driver is probably the best bet. He can do early hours and have the rest of the day free to job hunt for something more permanent.

Though listening to some people speaking about their jobs the pickers seem content doing that until they get their state pension.

Men who live off their wives salaries are actually pathetic.

So a stay at home dad to children under 5 is pathetic?

*apart from SAHP 😉

Don't put down the age. Firms aren't supposed to be ageist

He just quit his job at 56 without another job to go to and without discussion?

Was he about to be fired? And even so, that affects all of you and there should have been a discussion!

That's nonsense, both our local M&S and Argos have signs in the window advertising for Christmas staff, I bet a lot of the supermarkets are also advertising for Christmas jobs.

He can't afford to be picky.

The OP didn't say that he was buying drinks for the friend

When he gets home sit him down and point out you'd agreed £20 from the budget for this meet up. SHow him a picture of something costing £40 that your DD wants for her birthday and explain that as he chose to piss that extra £40 up the wall she now can't have it. Time to get tough about the financial reality.

Is he not more ashamed that his wife is eating Pot Noodles in a hotel room rather than going out? Is he not more ashamed that his DD isn't going to have a nice birthday because he's spent the money on alcohol?

Was he definitely with a friend and not OW, @Boxshibe ?

I'd be annoyed if he's buying drinks for his mate, being generous with "my" money.

He's home slightly pissed. Had a sandwich but a good lead for a job so could be money well spent.