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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel pissed off they would do this?

171 replies

uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:03

How would you feel if a family holiday (immediate family, 3 generations) was planned for dates when you and your DC wouldn't be able to attend, when it was booked for those dates knowing you wouldn't be able to attend, and the dates don't align with an anniversary or birthday or limited availability of the others in the group etc that mean the holiday must happen then?

I can only assume it was deemed unimportant that DC and I wouldn't be there for a holiday for the 'whole' family.

OP posts:
Ilikewinter · 22/10/2022 09:12

Yeah I would feel pretty upset by that. Have you asked why its been booked for the date when they know you cant go?

DysmalRadius · 22/10/2022 09:14

Is think they didn't want us there. Is this the first time something like this has happened? What did the organiser say when they told you the dates?

Original poster
uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:16

A date was suggested. I said it wouldn't be possible for us to go then. The holiday was then booked. I haven't asked the booker. I asked another member of the group and they couldn't really answer why. I think they were reluctant to admit it was clear our attendance was unimportant.

OP posts:
IhearyouClemFandango · 22/10/2022 09:17

Was it cheaper?

CatSpeakForDummies · 22/10/2022 09:18

It depends on the size of the group. One couple, a set of their parents and their children - that wouldn't bother me at all. It's a family group inviting the grandparents along.

Three sets of siblings missing one out, grandparents, adult children bringing partners etc. then I'd feel left out.

ClocksGoingBackwards · 22/10/2022 09:18

Is it that you need the holiday to be during school holidays but no one else wants to pay school holiday prices?

LikeTearsInRain · 22/10/2022 09:20

Are any other children going?

if your DC are school age and it is booked fo term time then I can understand because that is a substantial saving

Original poster
uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:20

CatSpeakForDummies · 22/10/2022 09:18

It depends on the size of the group. One couple, a set of their parents and their children - that wouldn't bother me at all. It's a family group inviting the grandparents along.

Three sets of siblings missing one out, grandparents, adult children bringing partners etc. then I'd feel left out.

It's the latter.

OP posts:
PandaOrLion · 22/10/2022 09:21

I wouldn’t assume it was because I couldn’t be there it was booked. I’d think it was cheaper, more convenient for others etc.

Im also aware for a long time in my early 20s I was hard work to go on holiday with so I can appreciate back then it may have happened consciously!

DHs family are large and it would be impossible to get something that fitted everyone’s budgets and dates. It’s usually a case of “let us know when you can’t and what you can spend and we’ll see what we can do, or you organise it” (I usually organise it because then I know I can get most people in!!

UWhatNow · 22/10/2022 09:21

Why might they not want you there? I’m sending a whole backstory here…

Original poster
uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:21

ClocksGoingBackwards · 22/10/2022 09:18

Is it that you need the holiday to be during school holidays but no one else wants to pay school holiday prices?

No. It's during school holidays.

OP posts:
genericusername789 · 22/10/2022 09:22

What's the reason you couldn't do those dates?

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 22/10/2022 09:23

Yeah i would be pissed off!

Did you offer other dates you could do? You definitely need to ask the organiser

Sometimes with a big group it isn't possible to get a date everyone can do.

Original poster
uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:23

UWhatNow · 22/10/2022 09:21

Why might they not want you there? I’m sending a whole backstory here…

There's some back story but I wouldn't have expected this at this time. Whilst I will put up with some personal rejection, I won't accept it for my DC.

OP posts:
YoBeaches · 22/10/2022 09:24

Did you offer an alternative date? Perhaps they took it as you don't want to go.

If you just said no we can't do those dates and left it there it could come across like you weren't bothered to go.

Original poster
uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:26

genericusername789 · 22/10/2022 09:22

What's the reason you couldn't do those dates?

Not going into too many details but it involves child arrangements that have gone through court. There are many, many other dates we could do but not these.

OP posts:
DingDongDenny · 22/10/2022 09:26

This feels a bit like a guessing game. You need to tell us the circumstances

Worthyornot · 22/10/2022 09:28

It's simple. If the majority can make it then you have to suck it up. Could be the alternative date you suggested didn't work for everyone else. It seems like quite a large group so someone wasn't going to be able to make it.

jackstini · 22/10/2022 09:30

Did they realise it's court mandated that you cannot go?

Can you apply for one date change or would it be a nightmare?

Why haven't you told the person who booked it (another sibling or a parent?) that you're gutted they have gone ahead and and booked it when you can't go?

Did they think you meant you didn't want to go?

Original poster
uzaname · 22/10/2022 09:32

Only one date was ever suggested. It definitely isn't because the others can only go on those dates.

OP posts:
RoseValleyRambles · 22/10/2022 09:35

Unless you suggested alternatives, perhaps they thought you didn't want to come? Did you suggest any dates that might work?

ClocksGoingBackwards · 22/10/2022 09:35

Would you be bringing a partner that the others don’t like?

Worthyornot · 22/10/2022 09:36

You're being annoyingly one worded here. Nobody cares what your reason is but painting half a picture and expecting people to guess isn't going to help. What exactly happened, conversations, reactions, etc??

BrieAndChilli · 22/10/2022 09:38

Think we need a lot more context!!

was it someone was booking a holiday and it was ‘we are going here on X date - anyone want to come?

or was it ‘let’s have a whole family holiday, what dates can everyone do? How about X date.
you then said no I can’t do that date, how about the following week? or did you just do no we can’t come.

first answer implies you’re ant to come and are offering a solution. The 2nd answer sounds like you don’t want to go at all.

dudsville · 22/10/2022 09:38

I'd also feel upset. It reminds me of how a portion of my family were always together for professional "family" photo time, i.e. they didn't all live near each other and just happen down for a pic, they had to plan to be together and booked it. My brother and father were always included, my parents are divorced. They took about 5 of these over the course of about 20 years. I visited annually, why could they never time the photo for when I would also be there. As a child this hurt my feelings and I felt excluded. As an adult when I see those old pics on the wall I'm reminded that I'm not considered vital to that part of the family. Obviously I can just accept that, but it isn't nice. I hope you can find a comfortable way forward with this OP, it's hurtful.

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