To feel pissed off they would do this?

[uzaname]

How would you feel if a family holiday (immediate family, 3 generations) was planned for dates when you and your DC wouldn't be able to attend, when it was booked for those dates knowing you wouldn't be able to attend, and the dates don't align with an anniversary or birthday or limited availability of the others in the group etc that mean the holiday must happen then?

I can only assume it was deemed unimportant that DC and I wouldn't be there for a holiday for the 'whole' family.

One side of my family is a bloody pain for doing things like this. Sympathies, OP - I don’t even think mine do it with the intention of leaving anyone out, and even that’s hard enough.

We did this recently, but we were organising, and every date we suggested the other family just said they couldn’t make the date. They didn’t suggest any alternative dates, and only responded after multiple chases. In the end we asked if they actually wanted to come on the holiday and they didn’t respond. We booked anyway.

I'd be poised off OP and wouldn't want to spend a holiday with them.
But I think you've maybe misunderstood. They were going on holiday on that date and asked if you could make it. They weren't offering a range of dates.

She's probably now saying to rest of family "well we invited Uza but they couldn't come. You know how tricky dates can be with her child arrangements!"

Have you seen all the threads on MN, OP, about problems with 'family holidays' ?

If not, have a look and be very glad you have been 'excluded' from this one. They have probably, inadvertently, done you a big favour !

You really should have put this in your first post. Then I agree with you, it seemed like it was her kids. So it's one set of gc favoured over the other. The person to blame here is your df. He should be the one ensuring it is fair.

I haven't misunderstood. There was a plan specifically to have a family holiday. As I said before, it wasn't a case of them going on holiday and asking if anyone was interested in joining. The accommodation booked was only chosen and booked as it was big enough for DC and DGC to join.

I organise three gen family get togethers. Someone couldn't make the proposed date but offered to juggle. I made it clear if she couldn't rearrange the other commitment it's back to the drawing board. I'm sensing not much communication went on. Did you explain that you'd love to go, it's great that the organiser is getting fam together, you're grateful for their efforts, why you can't go and offer alternative dates? It's really awful to exclude one of three sibs, I'm really sorry.

Hi OP, without knowing the ins and outs of your history, I tried to see it from SM side. You don't seem to have a great relationship; you used to be NC; everyone said they could make the date but you and you don't care to be on holiday with them you just want it for your children. If I was your SM I wouldn't purposefully exclude you but I wouldn't try to reorganise a holiday for someone who doesn't even want to be there with me.

Well she knows my DC would love to be there and decided to go ahead without, honeybee. I guess I'm supposed to be grateful I was offered the choice of going (on a holiday it was clear I wouldn't be able to go on). I don't think it's fair on my siblings either as my guess would be their preference would be that we weren't excluded. I will speak to them about it but what's done is done.

Why would they be changing dates for someone who they obviously have no good relationship with since you wnet NC before?
More importantly, ehy would you exoect that when relationship is fucked?
They had dates in mind, you can't make it, you don't have good relationship, that's it

Just say you can go. You've more than enough time to arrange to switch contact time with the dcs dad. The way you present on here though is not coming across in a positive way though.

No I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. Is there a group chat about it? I am a bit petty, so wouldn't be able to resist send a slightly snarky message like "what a shame you have chosen those dates, DD/DS and I would have loved to have come! If you had let me know I could have proposed some other dates, but oh well!"
And then withdrawn a bit from them.

Bring it up with DF and ask why it was booked when you weren't available.

There's no step in my family but have been the one sibling left out - and also found my family had extended family invites turned down without every talking to us.

It usually comes out months later in conversation - and it it does smart my kids are well behaved (according to other adult I'm not being blind) others do seem to like me and tend to love DH - so no idea what it's about. It's why I was glad work meant moving away - everyone can blame the "distance" - ignoring DH family being further away and seeing us much more.

Either ask the person out right and see if there's some good reason - or step back from emotionally them and focus on kids and other aspects of your life.

Read more OP, as one of the step kids you, are being marginalised and other family members, particularly your 'D' F are colluding in this. Is there a family Wotsapp chat or similar that you can say calmly that you and your DC would love to come, is there any possibility that they could think again about dates and why you weren't to able to be flexible. Your SM has behaved disgracefully if you are sure that she understood you wanted to come. As a single parent you deserve additional care and consideration.

ah that sounds toxic @uzaname . time for you to go nc and use the money you would have spent on you and dc

I’d absolutely feel left out but it made me wonder if you are not close or in touch much the rest of the year? I was left out of a big birthday event once and upset by this - but then I’d not really been in touch with most of the family over the previous 12 months and there had been an assumption made that we probably just wouldn’t be interested. I could see their point although it was still upsetting at the time.

I'd lay it on thick.
I'd do something like this but include "It's such a pity I wasn't given the opportunity to discuss alternative dates before the holiday was booked that would have worked for DC and me. It's such a shame that the DC will miss out on this big family holiday where they would be with their cousins and able to unwind after the terrible year they've had. Such a shame"

Definitely withdraw from them. Protect you and your kids.

I'd be relieved 😆 but as you are not I think it is shitty

@uzaname i have a good friend who’s step mother pulls this kind of stunt all the time. I’m sorry.

the only mistake I can think of here is that you didn’t offer clear alternative dates when she asked about these ones you can’t do.

if it’s all recently booked, is it worth checking with your siblings if there is another week you can all do, and if so go back saying:

’as I said we can’t do those dates. My kids would really love to come and spend time with you all. I’ve checked and everyone can do XYZ week. Let’s see if we can change the booking?’

if I were you I’d also speak to you dad / siblings / half’s to guilt trip some of them into helping get it rearranged too.

if You stay in touch and want to do future holidays, I’d take responsibility for finding a dates that works for everyone yourself and present that to you SM. Oh I checked over availability THIS week is the best for us all…

You were invited.
You couldn't make it.

Maybe it's the only week where the property is available of you refer to it being a large property. They tend to be booked quite quickly.

Maybe it's the only week one of the other siblings could make annual leave wise.

Why not just ask why it was booked rather than speculate?

Also you refer to it being the end of their relationship with your children! Well that would be your choice and perhaps cutting off your nose to spite your own kids' face if that's what you choose to do

Dates were asked. That's different to being invited.

You're not being unreasonable OP. If you think your kids would enjoy it do whatever you can to switch child care issues and go.

Can you not ask ex to swap and explain and explain how much kids want to go so ts for them

This is very different to what you said earlier:

The dates were suggested and I was asked if they would work. I said they wouldn't for us, expecting some alternatives to be suggested, but the next communication I got - the very next day - was to say it had been booked.

I think you’re hurt and not a reliable narrator on this occasion OP.