To feel pissed off they would do this?

[uzaname]

How would you feel if a family holiday (immediate family, 3 generations) was planned for dates when you and your DC wouldn't be able to attend, when it was booked for those dates knowing you wouldn't be able to attend, and the dates don't align with an anniversary or birthday or limited availability of the others in the group etc that mean the holiday must happen then?

I can only assume it was deemed unimportant that DC and I wouldn't be there for a holiday for the 'whole' family.

Since it is so far off and if you really want to go, can you swap dates with your ex so you can go?

Would you want to be spending a week in close proximity to people who have such little regard for you and your children? A week where you would not be able to get away from them and would be a flight away from your home?

when I got divorced I was treated like the poor relation amongst my family (parents and siblings), like I’d accept all sorts of shit because otherwise I’d be alone and I had nowhere to go. It took them being outright nasty to my kids for me to cut them all off entirely.
and ive not looked back since. Altho occasionally they pop up trying to find out what I’m doing with my life etc (sheer nosiness and frustration that I’m thriving without them in my life).

Because if my half siblings couldn't go, the dates would certainly have been changed. Their attendance matters. My full sibling is pretty flexible so could probably work to most dates.

So what if they are retired? It's still bullshit trying to arrange a date that works for everyone, which is why the offer is there, accept or don't.

Have you organised a holiday for everyone op? I don't think you can say you have been snubbed until you take it on and try to do something that works for everyone and they've all declined.

If you just expect to sit there and be asked a date, and have a backwards and forwards about what works for you AND everyone else, without lifting a finger but it all being arranged around you, yabvvu.

I would be upset too op. Do you have a good relationship with either siblings to speak to them about? Or are you often the black sheep in these situations left yourself to be upset?

Fwiw I'm always the one left out in my family. However, since I've had ds I will not let it happen to him. I'm so much stronger for my son than myself

Very rude.

You'd expect it to be left out if a few dates were suggested and one had more takers than others.

But no one was asked if they could make another date.

But step mum can say well I asked but x wasn't free (basically she didn't care if you came or not)

And father didn't actually say hang on, let's check if everyone can do another date.

My DC would love it. I have no doubt about that. For that reason I would happily have gone.

Of course YANBU! They booked the holiday the very day after you told them the date wouldn’t be suitable for you. That’s a real slap in the face. I’d have it out with them and probably end up going NC again.

If the holiday is booked, then the organiser is going to have a financial problem, you can't be made to pay when you had already said you couldn't go. It may be of some comfort to you!

I think this is exactly what has happened. The date was already booked, and you were invited. You were not asked specifically for alternative dates because it was a case of we are going and would you like to join?. Why would they give priority to your children over theirs? They probably sent this Message to everyone and it worked out for everyone else rather than intentionally excluding you, otherwise what would be the point of asking. They didn't know your court date as you had to tell them, so to them it was very possible that you could come. You're trying to paint it as if it was done deliberately but there are so many contradictions to your whole story.

So your mil has booked a holiday, you are married onto the family and your kids are her sons step kids but her daughters kids are going?

Get over yourself.

When you save you have gone NC with them in the past, do you mean you have just stopped talking to them without telling them why.
I think unless you communicate clearly what the problem is to your family, then this is going to keep happening.
IME families tend to hold onto behaviours you exhibit when you are young, so if you were a difficult teenager (rightly or wrongly) then you will forever be a difficult person in their eyes, until you challenge their perception by acting differently i.e. by holding an adult conversation and telling them what the issue is.
Going NC without a conversation is open to interpretation and if your step mother genuinely doesn't care for you, you are playing into her hands.

I consider everyone's circumstances and set a date. People can come or not.

What I dont do anymore is make a Whatsapp group and have backwards and forwards over dates for weeks on end.

Person A: We are going on holiday, can you make this date.
Person B: Sorry I can't because of XXX.
Person A goes ahead with their original plans. Sounds pretty normal to me.
Op you seem to be going through something, want a bit of special treatment for your kids and now pissed that yourll weren't made a priority? Very unreasonable of you.
Why would they have asked you if they didn't want you to come ???

If there are other children going they will be more restricted to the school holidays than just going anytime. Yes, on the face of it, it sounds like you are being excluded. But, if you've said you can't go and everyone else can go it may be that is the only date everyone else can go 🤷🏻‍♀️

You've mentioned that you have been NC in the past with your family so there is obviously a lot more to this than you just being excluded deliberately out of the blue. If you are that desperate to go then speak to the organiser although are you actually sure you want to spend a week or two with these family members who you don't actually get on with?

If I asked someone if they could make a particular date and they said no, but they could do others, I would kind of expect them to actually suggest other dates otherwise I would presume they were giving me the brush off.

Totally feel your pain. It's so hurtful.

You need speak to them. Set some boundaries about what behaviour you will not tolerate. Be prepared for excuses and its not intentional etc.

At the end of the day, people do want they want for their own reasons. Most are selfishly motivated. If you are not invited properly its because they don't really mind if you are there or not. And don't care about the kids being excluded.

Call them out in it. Or it'll eat you up the injustice. 😞

And if it works better for their own kids then why would they prioritize your kids? We have half term next week. Friends kids who have been on half term this entire week invited us to various things that my dc would love but we couldn't make it. Are they now meant to cancel plans or just go ahead with original plans?

That's not how these things work @Worthyornot 😆bunkers it's a wedding or birthday.

Ignore this OP.

No. This is my (longstanding) SM. The other adults are my siblings. My DC = DF's DGC. So get over yourself.

This has reminded me that no one bothers to RTFT before going off on one.

To be fair everybody moans on aibu.

OP yanbu.

The way I read it is that a family holiday was discussed and agreed to before any dates were mentioned, which makes a difference I think.

I feel your pain and am with you with the rejection of your kids. This happened to us on a near annual basis with in-laws. They would holiday with bil and his three kids and not invite our family or kids.vWe would often find out by accident,our Kids would have loved a holiday with their grandparents and cousins. My dh repeatedly challenged his dad about it saying it would be nice to be asked etc but it just kept happening. Only reason given was that we once said we didn't like the heat. It's really hurtful and upsetting and a real rejection. I've no real advice except to have no expectations of them. It reflects on them poorly,instead focus on holidays with your own little family x

Yes. The idea of a holiday was discussed and I said 'Yes, but remember there are dates that will be difficult for me. Here are some examples of when we are/are not able to come.' This was face to face for what it's worth. It was left that they would look into it.

I then got a messaging asking if I would be free on one specific week and I said DC would only be available for a small part of that week so it wouldn't be viable taking into account flights etc. They acknowledged that and immediately booked it.