To feel pissed off they would do this?

[uzaname]

How would you feel if a family holiday (immediate family, 3 generations) was planned for dates when you and your DC wouldn't be able to attend, when it was booked for those dates knowing you wouldn't be able to attend, and the dates don't align with an anniversary or birthday or limited availability of the others in the group etc that mean the holiday must happen then?

I can only assume it was deemed unimportant that DC and I wouldn't be there for a holiday for the 'whole' family.

I haven't misunderstood. There was a plan specifically to have a family holiday. As I said before, it wasn't a case of them going on holiday and asking if anyone was interested in joining. The accommodation booked was only chosen and booked as it was big enough for DC and DGC to join.

Ah apologies @uzaname I missed that you'd all discussed going on a family holiday and had given dates that were difficult for you.
In that case I'm sorry but they don't really want you. You've dodged a bullet there.

I would DEMAND an answer form your dad why it was booked KNOWING you couldn't make it. And I'd let them all know how disappointed your DC are their cousins are going but they're not. Then don't have anything further to do with any family events like this, they're not bothered about you being there. Sorry

What's the discrepancy exactly? They are both completely true.

There is so much underlying anger and resentment in your post and clearly not just due to this one occasion. Your DF and SM might adore your children but whatever rift there is between you and them is probably the crux here. From your SM pov she is probably dodging a bullet. Hand on your heart, if you would have gone would you have treated your DF and SM with the same warmth you would treat the rest of the family on this holiday? It is really shit to organise and go on a holiday with someone who doesn't want to be there with you and had only come for the sake of another person (whether that's children or a partner).

YUBU - you’ve dodged a bullet, I couldn’t imagine anything worse! Enjoy your own holiday, don’t give it another thought

Before it was booked. The dates should have been discussed further tbh. Or atleast an explanation that that is the only dates the holiday is happening and if anyone can't make it then unfortunately there's no other dates (if that was the case). If nothing was explained or discussed further, than no thought has gone into the booking decision without you both. And I would feel like they don't care. Also remember it's not just the booker, it's every single person who said yes for the go ahead, every single person could have mentioned "oh what about this person not being able to come" so don't take frustration with one person, but all.

OP you are not being unreasonable at all. Please ignore idiots like this.

When planning a family holiday the sensible thing to do is ask people what dates they can make THEN book. People are trying to make you doubt yourself but follow you gut instinct. There was no need at ALL for them to leave you and especially not you kiddies out. If it was the case that they couldn't work around the dates then a simple message letting you know would have been nice before the booking went ahead x

It sounds like SM has suggested a family holiday, picked a date then asked it that date suits. Only one person said no and she went ahead with that date. Sounds like that's the date SM wants and that's it.

Has she left you out of things like this before?

I would definitely bring this up in a group WhatsApp chat so everyone knows ur unhappy that other dates weren't considered. Just said the person doing the arranging should have looked into a few different dates for options and u feel like ur attendance wasn't important.

I would be more vocal about things in future.

I’ve changed my answer to YABU because of you saying you couldn’t go, but not saying ‘I’d like to come though’ and suggesting other dates. They are not mind readers and maybe thought you weren’t bothered by just saying no. If they didn’t invite you at all then that would be harsh.

You were invited could make it, what's the consequences with the ex if you just go? If it was me and I knew the other would only get say a £60 fine and everyone else wanted that date I would be inclined to book it and take the fine

What does NC mean?

Except the op posted 'When the dates were suggested it was a one sentence message asking if I would be free on those dates and I did a quick reply to say not those dates but that there would be lots of other dates I could do.'

I would take that as a conversation starter to see if there were dates which worked for everyone, not just book the first date is seen UNLESS I didn't want the op and her family there.

No contact

I would feel relieved that I would not be able to attend a holiday with people who didn't value my company. You've dodged a bullet there!

I'd be really hurt by that too op, especially on behalf of your children who are missing out on a holiday with their cousins. Does your dad always just go along with whatever his wife wants? Can you speak to him about how his wife makes you feel that you don't matter? I'm sorry for you, it's unfair.

i would feel that I wanted to ask the organisers why, rather than going on Mnet.

Hmm on the fence with this one and I think you need to ask. It's sounds like they had decided those dates for some reason.

I recently booked a holiday where the dates were purely down to the price. Over £500 cheaper than any other dates. Could the reason for them dates not just be as simple as that?

Oh I missed that! Some of the extra info has come through in drips and drabs so I didn’t see all the replies. In that case I would be upset, seems like they just aren’t fussed. The grandfather needs to be told in no uncertain terms.

If say you're better off out of it. Do something different

That's really harsh, OP! I'm sorry they've been so callous and not even tried to include you, or had the decency to give you a call to say why it has to be that date. Sending you ❤️

Don't understand why people want the ins and outs of this. The fact is - you were asked if you could do X date, said no, they booked it anyway. Yes, I would feel slighted. And upset.

What do you think she’d say if you told her that your DC would be with their dad, so you’ll have to enjoy a relaxing child-free holiday?