To feel pissed off they would do this?

[uzaname]

How would you feel if a family holiday (immediate family, 3 generations) was planned for dates when you and your DC wouldn't be able to attend, when it was booked for those dates knowing you wouldn't be able to attend, and the dates don't align with an anniversary or birthday or limited availability of the others in the group etc that mean the holiday must happen then?

I can only assume it was deemed unimportant that DC and I wouldn't be there for a holiday for the 'whole' family.

You can’t please everyone when booking group things.

They had obviously already picked a date, asked if you could make it and you said no.

You could of said no but il try and change my ex weekend if that’s the date we are doing.

You're a nasty piece of work aren't you!

To be fair to the pp you hadn't actually said who the booker was. You only mentioned it about after they'd posted on about your 17th post. So it's a bit off to have a go at them for getting the wrong end of the stick. From all the talk of splitting up from your partner i did also think it might have been an in law.

Who was the family member you spoke to about it? What did they say

When did you go nc and then rebuild that?

Was this a group chat or individual? Ie does everyone else know these dates were not suitable.

Did she know about the case beforehand and these dates

Honestly though it doesn't sound like there's any love lost here. It's always going to be tricky rebuilding after nc. And it sounds like all the reasons you went nc are still there.

I would speak to your dad. Does he know the full extent of this?

To me it sounds like they all settled on the dates so even though you said you couldn’t go they booked it without you. Not saying it’s fair but sometimes it’s easier to leave one family out then have multiple families not go.

or my other thought is that they know you have childcare issues and wouldn’t be able to sort it without an issue.

even if you said something it won’t change it. They’ve booked it now. I would just forget it and move on.

I think it's a pretty shit thing to do to be honest and I'd have to voice my opinions! Then I wouldn't bother with them.

The organiser asked you if you wanted to come on the family holiday and were thinking about x date. You replied that you couldn't make that date due to xyz. Everyone else could make that date so it was booked. You didn't realise that there would be no further discussion.
I assume your biological parent had a say in all this and was informed you couldn't make that date, but did nothing to suggest an alternative or contact you.
That would hurt. Going NC would be cutting your DC off completely though. I really dislike some of the behaviour from my family and step family and the impact on my DC. They are so wrapped up in themselves, they don't think.
I say my piece and then let it go, for my DC's sake. Being left out of a family holiday is a biggie though. I think you'd have to weigh up everything that's happened in the past and what the future would be like without them in it. Difficult.

At face value, it reads that they'd organised a date and asked you if you were available. Then, because you weren't free and didn't offer a specific alternative, decided to go ahead and book for the original date anyway.

However, I can see there's a back story and tbh it sounds like you have a strained relationship with your dad and SM, so maybe see it as a blessing in disguise and take your DC somewhere without them all. I'm sure you'll all have a much better time without worrying about them.

Yes, it's booked and I'll move on, but it's with the feeling that it's the death knell on their relationship with DC, which is upsetting as it feels like that's a choice they've made and it's unfathomable to me. And I'll be blamed, not that I care so much about that.

It's shit, OP, I get it. I don't think you are being unreasonable.
I think you should let them know how you feel then just let it go and get over it.
Plan a holiday for you and the kids elsewhere.

Are there genuinely still people around ignirant enough to never heard of doodle polls? All it takes is one link for everybody to follow, done and dusted.

OP, agree with others this needs to be communicated. Personally I'd write a polite but very clear message to step mother AND siblings expressing my disappointment.

I then got a messaging asking if I would be free on one specific week and I said DC would only be available for a small part of that week so it wouldn't be viable taking into account flights etc. They acknowledged that and immediately booked it.

Could it be possible that there was a miscommunication somewhere? Have you read both the emails/texts again to check what the actual wording of things was? Has happened to me before. Think someone has said something when if I reread it, realise it says something different to what I initially thought. Did the Booker come back and say I'm sorry, I know those dates don't work for you but it was the only ones in the end which suited the most number of people? If they didn't I might assume they had thought it was ok for that week?

I'm assuming a villa-type accommodation has been booked for everyone to stay together? Are you going to get crap from the family because you not going is going to push up everyone else's share of the cost?

Yep I understand, and as I said previously I would take it as a slap in the face too. You have every right to be upset on behalf of your kids. Ignore the posters who are saying it’s not all about you and shit like that.

Arranging this type of holiday is a logistical nightmare. Everyone needing to be able to book the time off, so maybe half a dozen adults all needing to be able to take leave in prime weeks; finding suitable accommodation at suitable prices. It would depend a lot to me on your reasons for not being able to make the dates, as it would need everyone to give it high priority over other engagements if it was going to work at all.
I know there's a back story, so they may be sidelining you. But I wouldn't automatically assume it. Sometimes you just have to go with the majority and people either have to fit or unfortunately not attend.
Was your reason for not being available impossible to move/miss?

That's really really horrid of your SM and "D"F I think I would just message your Father and state how upset his DGC will be when they find out they were purposefully excluded from the supposed family trip because of the court ordered contact with their Dad. I would also add that there is no justification for not picking dates where his DGD could go but you're sure he and SM will make up excuses to justify the decision to themselves.

Seriously you will be cutting contact so you may as well tell the truth 🤷🏽‍♀️

They don't sound like people worth worrying about if you've been NC before.

Your DC will be fine, I promise.

RTFT. DC won't be with me on those dates and whilst it's not impossible to attempt to change that it would be hugely stressful and impact signficantly on other arrangements for my DC. Is it worth me going through that when they have made no attempt to look at how we could go?

I'm not saying they must plan around me. I'm saying it would have been nice if there was at least an attempt to ensure my DC could be there. The simple fact they made no effort to include my DC is what I'm upset about. I don't give a shit about missing the holiday itself.

That was a response to 5128gap. I meant to quote.

Are the kids going your SM dc or her GC?

OP I have every sympathy and experienced the same sort of exclusion. The end result was that my DC missed priceless time with their DGM in the short time she had remaining before her DGM became incapacitated with incurable cancer.
I several times suggested outings to the DGPs to be told, somewhat nervously, I thought, that they’d have to check with my S and BIL as they might have already planned an alternative event which clashed. This S was the youngest by far and most demanding and seemed able “ to call the shots”.
My DP adored their DGD and enjoyed her company btw.

GC.

I can see why you’re hurt.

you could take it as a genuine misunderstanding if this was say your mum who you had a good relationship with.

However, its a step mum (well married to your dad, she may have come into your life when you were much older) who seems to be making mininal effort and quite happy to say "Well i asked, they can't come" - when if it was say your mum, you'd expect a quick - well could you come if it was a week later? or any chance you can change the kids weeks as this is our only week that everyone is free.

ie some consideration.

Have you spoken to your DF? I’d be absolutely raging at them!

I think you've dodged a bullet

Obv the person who booked the holiday on those days has an issue with you. I wouldn't want to go away with somebody like that