MIL said my breast milk isn't good enough for my baby

[goldenroses95]

I have a newborn who is feeding extremely often and my MIL claims that my baby is feeding so often because she's not getting enough nutrients from my breast milk. She says I need to change my diet (this is based on her seeing me eat 1 pizza takeaway on the weekend!) and even said "do you not love your child?"

I have told her that babies cluster feed and you feed breast fed babies on demand but MIL is having none of it. DH has not once backed me on this and her constant interfering is stressing me out. This incident is just one of a long list of things she's said/done.

Not an aibu as such but posting to see if anyone can advise me on how to navigate this situation!

My mother-in-law made similar comments. When I said about cluster feeding she was skeptical and that she'd 'never heard of such a thing.' She then went in to say that she hadn't had enough milk for dh so had to combi feed. I was sitting there like, maybe you didn't have enough milk because you didn't allow him to cluster feed!!!! 🙄🙄🙄

What an annoying person! Don’t let her bother you, she is clearly bonkers. Easy to say from the outside but you need to rise above her idiocy!

Well she’s probably wrong but what’s the baby’s weight gain like? How old are they?

@ClairyFlare why oh why do some people feel the need to make such unhelpful remarks?

My answer to that would not to visit if you do not like what you see!

And just because she's a nurse does not mean she knows everything about your baby and is even more of an idiot if she knows nothing of cluster feeding!

Stand your ground! And congratulations on your baby!

Ignore her.

You obviously just use AIBU to make people feel even more shit. Well done you 👏

This happened to me. It baffled MIL that DD wanted feeding more often than every 4 hours on the dot, ‘she must be starving’. The next day she said DD had ‘the biggest legs on a baby she’d ever seen, none of mine were like that, are you sure she isn’t overweight’. You couldn’t make it up 😂 DD was 4 months old! Ah 70s parenting…

I had to combi feed because I just couldn't produce enough milk, it wasn't for the want of trying so I do find that comment a tad unfair.

"What an unkind thing to say MIL. If you are going to be rude and unhelpful , you can go home now, we've seen you. But just to make it clear, we are good parents , this is our baby and we are learning like all new parents do. So if you can't stop these little digs, causing a new mother unev any stress, I'd rather you guys your visit short and come back in a nicer politer mood next week. "

"What an daft thing to say about breastfeeding, this is a normal stage called cluster feeding, it's a good job I have a midwife/HV/ GP to listen to than the rubbish you just spouted. I think it's so long ago you can't remember"

If I were you I'd prewarn DH that he either tells her to pack it in, and that her constant digs and unnecessary and unkind comments are not welcome, or you'll pull her up on it every time and ask her to go home early.

Squirt some breastmilk in her eye.

Then snuggle up with your newborn on a sofa with pizza and chocolate. You need the calories and baby needs their milk!

On a serious note- you're absolutely right that baby is cluster feeding. They can be relentless in the early weeks to get the supply up. 16 hours a day! If baby's nappies are wet and dirty all is going well and MiL needs to clear off with her unhelpful remarks or do your dishes or housework.

Stop her visiting. She's been openly rude and you are going through the most stressful experience of your life. She's not welcome. I would refuse any contact until such times as you actually want to see her. Stamp your authority all over this bitch

Flip… ban her…

eh was the same with me as ex MIL had been a midwife.

Any chance you could take him to a baby clinic with you? Or to a HV?

I’d just spend every waking moment you were in her company breastfeeding reciting lactation consultant’s inducing incantations. With any luck she’ll implode

stupid woman.

OP in your situation I would hit the fucking roof with DH, how bloody dare she and how dare he for not backing you up. I'd refuse any visits and have no contact until she learnt to watch her mouth. Zero tolerance approach.

Just because your MIL is a nurse that doesn't mean she knows jack about breastfeeding. Tell your husband that you have done your research, you know what is happening and that it's normal and that he either tells his mother to back the fuck off or he can fuck off himself and live with her until he decides to have your back. He needs to trust you to know best.

Did I write this?

I had a 'helpful' MIL on hand who had lots of comments about my breastfeeding. I used to joke she was sponsored by aptimil as she was so keen on pushing formula on my wee one.

MIL is feeling sidelined and is lashing out. She probably had some old witch try and control her too, and maybe want strong enough to trust her gut.

You are strong enough. Trust your instincts and focus on the big picture. You are doing an amazing thing. Don't let her take the joy from it.

Then tell her off op. She clearly doesn't like or respect you, so what do you have to lose? She sounds overbearing and very controlling. Put her in her place

It’s telling that your husband doesn’t understand that he is being insulted, regardless as to whether the criticism is warranted or not. Even if you were doing it all wrong, which you aren’t by the sounds of it, it’s still an unkind thing to say. It’s so unsupportive and helpful. This would get anyone’s heckles up, whether true or not. He just accepts being insulted by her because Mummy knows best?

It's sounds like you're doing a brilliant job breast feeding your baby. Don't let baby's grannie undermine you. Try and enjoy this special time as they grow so fast 🤗

I would imagine part of the trouble is your MiL having no idea what cluster feeding is. Since I've had my kids my Grandma has been so bemused by so much of the pregnancy/kids advice we're given now because it's so different to what they were told. They fed babies every 4 hours, regardless of any fusses baby was making. Which baffles me so much given the feed on demand advice we're given, but it's what the medical profession told their generation so it's what they did.
However your DH is an arse for not having your back. I would literally refuse to engage with her over any feeding conversations now, there's no reason for her to need to comment.

If you're getting wet nappies and baby is gaining weight there is nothing to worry about, baby with a nice healthy appetite is great and will just build up your milk production even more.

She should know better but don't let her upset you. I don't agree with being rude and she will probably out rude you anyway, I'd quietly say please don't undermine me. If she goes loud you go quiet, it is amazing how effective it can be.

@goldenroses95 urgh just because she is a nurse does not mean she knows anything to do with babies or breastfeeding. Pretty much every adult nurse I’ve come across is terrified of (nursing) babies because they do zero training or experience with them. Unless she is a neonatal, paediatric or maternity based nurse or has done a breast feeding course which she Obviously hasn’t because baby is clearly cluster feeding she can go swivel

She's a NURSE? Oh Gawd...

You are perfectly within your rights to tell her to F off, and that's probably the best approach. I'm not that assertive, so if it was me, I'd bombard her with research about normal cluster feeding patterns and the body prioritising nutrients for the baby... Print it out and give it to her to read. And maybe say something about how it's a shame medical education isn't better in this field, as you would've hoped she'd know this as a nurse! "There's a lot of ignorance out there about breastfeeding, particularly with older generations..."

Combined with her comment about wishing she could take the baby away, I suspect she wants to get the baby onto formula so she can do exactly that - breastfeeding means the baby has to stay with you, formula would let her exercise more control. Get DH to read the breastfeeding literature too while you're at it. As others have said, he should be backing you up.

Enjoy your breastfeeding journey. Don't let her put you off!