MIL said my breast milk isn't good enough for my baby

[goldenroses95]

I have a newborn who is feeding extremely often and my MIL claims that my baby is feeding so often because she's not getting enough nutrients from my breast milk. She says I need to change my diet (this is based on her seeing me eat 1 pizza takeaway on the weekend!) and even said "do you not love your child?"

I have told her that babies cluster feed and you feed breast fed babies on demand but MIL is having none of it. DH has not once backed me on this and her constant interfering is stressing me out. This incident is just one of a long list of things she's said/done.

Not an aibu as such but posting to see if anyone can advise me on how to navigate this situation!

Tell her that you've spoken about her concerns with the midwives and they've said the baby is fine so if she continues to talk about this or give any other unwanted advice you will have to stay away for the sake of your own mental health, because one of the things the midwives did say is that if people criticise your parenting they aren't being supportive and the baby might pick up on the stress.

And tell your husband that if your MiL criticises you again that he needs to tell her it's his baby not hers and you will be bringing it up how you see fit. And that if he doesnt back you up on this, you will be avoiding her

Send her links to KellyMom website the next time she says something.

Personally I would say I was sending them as she is clearly concerned about her GC and she can read up herself to see that you are doing the right thing. However you may wish to be more blunt!

Ignore her and carry on what you are doing (and order more pizza).

@ClairyFlare when did I say he didn't back me up before the baby? I am referring to this specific situation. Don't talk about things you have no idea about, thanks.

Ok youve made your point, she is already struggling enough. If you just want to belittle her life choice stop commenting.

Newborns have tiny stomachs. They are meant to feed little and often. You're doing great just ignore daft MIL and carry on.

Sadly you need a thick skin to breastfeed because of so many ignorant older people but remember you're giving your baby the best possible start by breastfeeding for as long as you can xx

Why are people such dicks?

I had the opposite, my ex MIL came to visit 3 week old ds and cried as she said I was killing him by FF (not that it matters but there were horrible reasons why I had to FF, and he’d just come home from NICU after almost dying after birth, so that was nice. Oh, and she was a retired midwife).

Honestly, people should just keep their fucking traps shut.

If you are trying to keep a good relationship with her

• I’d slightly laugh/smile
• pre warn DH to intervene
• Not share information about feeding with her
• Have a real or imaginary supportive health professional you can quote “the health visitor said this is completely normal” “the GP said baby is thriving” “midwife said baby gaining weight”

Eat that pizza! It gets easier with baby (not sure about relatives!) x

Speak to your dh and tell him he needs to back you up.

Also keep repeating what you've said and if she says anything unhelpful, such as ' you don't love your child' tell her she's being unhelpful and rude and tell her to leave.

If she's going to be rude then he rude back, your baby, your decisions, you don't have to interact with her, or have a relationship with her

Ban her from the house. And if DH doesn't like it, ban him too.

Tell your DH to tell her to shut up or you will and they can fuck off together.

If he doesn’t support you from now it sets a bad precedent. Sort it now if you can.

Are you living with her?

I’d refer her to her darling son saying ‘DH is keen we both eat healthily so if you have any tips on what we should be eating please let him know as he’s said how much he wants to look after baby and me and ge can cook it for us’.

Then walk off smiling and nice, not bitchy.

Leaving DH to listen to her rant. When he gets fed up he’ll soon let you know at which point you can tell him to grow a spine and tell her you eat healthy meals as a family and if you hear any, more of her crap because he’s not told her this, you’ll rip him a new one.

Thank you everyone for your advice. She doesn't live with us, but she visits weekly. The other day she also said "I wish I could just take the baby because you two (me and DH) have no idea what you're doing"

She is just unbearable!

What a load of shite. Eat what you want. Your body will prioritise milk over you, so the only dragon to eat carefully is so you don’t run yourself down.

Dig your heels in.

My mil nagged me to bottle feed and didn’t know formula was made from cow’s milk….why she thought it was better I have no idea. Mine didn’t have a single bottle🙃

Someone would only say that to me once.

Don't tolerate it op.

My poor Mum had her first 3 children in the 70's and the hospital staff really did a number on her re the superiority of baby formula. She said she just read the list of nutrients and thought she couldn't compete.

She was very supportive of me and whatever I chose.

Nobody else commented. Not their place.

Sorry reason not dragon 😂

I agree.

Ex MIL and the way ex h sat there silently grinning at mummy while she spouted her bile is part of the reason he is now an ex h.

FWIW, my son is now 20. I don’t plan on being an arsehole and if I ever do unwittingly overstep the mark, I expect him to defend his partner and let me know in no uncertain terms that I’ve been horrid.

Jesus Christ @goldenroses95 , time to curb her vists.

If she can't be respectful, don't let her in.

you need to look her in the eye and say "I know perfectly well what I am doing and don't want your unasked for advice or commentary"

People like this are being rude and rely on you not calling them on it. Call her on it. After that initial statement say "I told you I don't want your opinion on this - it isn't particularly nice for a new mother to hear rubbish like this" over and over.

If all else fails just take the baby and go to your bedroom for her visit.

Classic mil behaviour OP. Sounds like you’re doing a lovely job. Newborns and breast feeding are hard. She’s just jealous you and your newborn are cuddling and bonding.

Generally your MIL is talking bollocks but your baby will need vitamin D supplements and then a multivitamin from 6 months.

What worked for me when MIL was being an arse after DD1 was born and DH was reluctant to talk to her was to say to to DH that either he talked to his mother or I as a sleep deprived mother would tell her and it would be short with many swear words. This is not the kind of person I am but I could have done it at that time.

@goldenroses95

Don't let her dent your confidence re breastfeeding.

secondly, ask DH what his problem
is, why isn't he backing you up?

tell him either he puts her back in her box or you do, & if you do it won't be pretty!

not sure what your living arrangements are but if she's only visiting, then stop her visiting. Put her out when she says fucking nasty things like 'do you not love your child?"

if it's her house you're living in, make finding somewhere else your priority!

Make use of those lovely postpartum hormones OP and let loose on her. She is so very cruel & I don't think I'd tolerate more than one instance of this. You're setting a precedent here that this behaviour is acceptable and you will tolerate it. This will only get harder as DC get older.