MIL said my breast milk isn't good enough for my baby

[goldenroses95]

I have a newborn who is feeding extremely often and my MIL claims that my baby is feeding so often because she's not getting enough nutrients from my breast milk. She says I need to change my diet (this is based on her seeing me eat 1 pizza takeaway on the weekend!) and even said "do you not love your child?"

I have told her that babies cluster feed and you feed breast fed babies on demand but MIL is having none of it. DH has not once backed me on this and her constant interfering is stressing me out. This incident is just one of a long list of things she's said/done.

Not an aibu as such but posting to see if anyone can advise me on how to navigate this situation!

I mention the vitamin D thing because no one told me with DD1.

At this point OP, in your shoes, I'd tell her to leave and she's no longer welcome until she can learn some manners and stop being so rude.

Seriously, you need to nip this in the bud before the baby gets older and she starts to spout her toxic shit in his/her ear directly

At least your MIL isn’t ClairyFlare 😆
count your blessings and all that 😆

You've just made that up....

Stop her visiting

And your partner just let her say that? How rude! Tbh if that were me and I was still hormonal after the birth I would have told her to get out and not even think about coming back.

I think you'd have the green light to tell her to piss off. Don't even explain - just tell her to piss off.

Just ignore her and don't have her round. Your husband needs to grow a pair and tell his mum to shut up

Ignore her. She's shit stirring, so trying to explain about breastfeeding or show her more and more sources etc probably won't do anything.

In fact, make it a point to do the exact opposite of what she says and see what she does.

Firstly OP, breastfeeding can be tough, so well done.

It sounds like she wants you to stop breastfeeding, does she maybe want to be more hands on with the baby, I would be very weary of her if this is the extreme she will go to.

You are absolutely right, feed as often as baby needs, sounds perfect.

It's a shame you have too, but sit DH down and explain that this is your child, now and for forever the decisions will be made by you and him.
Tell him he needs to get on board with this now and start backing you up as you don't want it to effect the relationship going forward. You have no qualms with distancing MIL from you if she becomes a negative presence.

Set your stall out now. Be hard about it now so it doesn't drag on for years. But please don't let her make you question yourself on this. We

I know what to do: tell her, “go fuck yourself”

Just don’t have her round. People who can’t behave with basic respect shouldn’t be tiptoed around all the time.

In general I find the best approach to people who give out unwanted advice is to vaguely agree with them to their face, but don’t actually do what they say. It avoids you having to engage with it.

Please show your DH this

He needs to be backing you up and supporting you.

“MIL - have you heard the phrase ‘If you can’t say anything nice, don’t say anything at all’ - and do you think that you could apply it to any and all comments about how I am feeding my baby. Who, by the way, is flourishing, hitting all her milestones, and is getting a brilliant start in life!”

@goldenroses95 - I am a MIL who has recently become a grandmother, and all I have wanted to do is to support and encourage my wonderful DIL as she and ds1 adjust to being parents. They are doing a wonderful job, and I am 100% sure you are too - and I just wish I could come and encourage you (and have a quiet word with your MIL).

The other day she also said "I wish I could just take the baby because you two (me and DH) have no idea what you're doing"

Sorry, I missed this bit.

Next time she says anything at all like that, ask her to leave. Simple as that. How rude.
She needs to respect you as parents and just as bloody individuals in your own home.

If I could go back in time, the one piece of advice I'd give myself, is to say fuck off to people far more frequently.

She needs to stop being allowed in.

Screw her, make her your DH's problem and say she can't come round unless he actively handles her and doesn't let her get away with passive aggressive comments. You're doing amazing with the breastfeeding and your baby will grow very well with all the cluster feeding. Enjoy your well deserved pizza, breastfeeding burns a lot of calories and most of all enjoy cuddling your precious baby. Surround yourself with people who love you and support you at this time.

Sounds like you're doing great OP. My son cluster fed all evening for the first few weeks. As everyone has said it's normal and is to up your supply. Is also comforting for the baby.

Not really sure how to tackle the MIL! I'd say it's probably up to your husband to back you up and give his mum some boundaries. Perhaps the next time he arranges a visit with her he has a serious word to say her comments are not welcome and are upsetting and if she carries on she won't be coming round anymore.

Good luck xx

I’d be tempted to tell her to fuck off out of my house and soft lad dh would be told when he is able to bf, then he gets to have an opinion. My (fucking) fil once said something similar (when I was pinned to the sofa and dh had gone to the chippie). I wasn’t brave enough to tell him to fo, but at least my dh told him to wind his neck in.

Fucking hell what a nightmare. I'd tell your dh in no uncertain terms that she's not coming round again unless she keeps her opinions to herself.

You need support to feed your baby (which I mean if she's coming over she needs to bring you tea/water/biscuits) and not make unhelpful comments.

Your breast milk is perfectly made for your baby and you are doing amazingly.

The other thing to remember is don’t over think feeding. My first midwife was fabulous and very quickly told me not to note feeding times and just be responsive. This is assuming weight gain is fine.
Don’t make feeding a science, just go with it, and that will mean cluster feeding.

Your husband needs to stand up to his mother, but if he won't do it then you are well within your rights to ask her to leave. Tell her 'I think that's a very unkind and unsupportive comment and if this is going to continue, I don't really want you coming to visit if you're just going to say hurtful things'.

Did your MIL breastfeed?

I went low contact with my mil for similar reasons. Life is better now. Spend time with people who support you and make you feel good.

Wow. Well done, goldenroses, for persisting with what's best for you and your baby despite this woman's attempts to undermine you.

Have you got anyone in your support team who can counteract her poison? Female relatives, friends with babies etc? We all need supportive company when a new baby's arrived, rather than negative drains on us.