Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To dump nanny by text

264 replies

Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 09:51

Seems harsh but let me explain. She started with us 2 weeks ago on a fixed term contract for a few months. she brings her own daughter with her which I was fine with, didn’t see any problems. My DD is 9 months, her DD is 6 months so their needs are fairly similar in terms of eating/napping/playing.

The problem is she can’t seem to take any initiative, when she feeds DD she needs me to make it up, she then proceeds to feed her own DD so I’m left feeding whilst I should be working. DD cries frequently through the day, when she wakes up early from her nap the nanny rarely gets her back down because she seeing to her own child. I never see her holding, cuddling or focusing on DD in any meaningful way.

We’re not happy with her and so we are letting her go. We have to give her notice which I’m happy to do, but don’t want to wait until her next working day, as that will prolong the length of notice. We have alternative childcare lined up.

So… AIBU to text her letting her know we know longer need her, bearing in mind length of service (she’s effectively worked only a handful of days) and the fact I’d like her gone sooner rather than later?

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 21/10/2022 09:54

Call her?

Worthyornot · 21/10/2022 09:55

Well it was never a bright idea to allow her to bring her very small and highly dependent child to work. I can't believe you even thought it was something smart to do. What did you think would happen?She has one pair of hands for a 6m old, what did you think she was going to do with your 9m old. Confused. Is it in her contract that you allowed this arrangement?

NotAnotherTaco · 21/10/2022 09:55

Just flipping call her!

vodkaredbullgirl · 21/10/2022 09:55

Why not call her.

Thehonestbadger · 21/10/2022 09:56

I don’t think you can simply fire her because a term you originally agreed to is now not working for you. That seems like serious grounds for unfair dismissal.

However, I do agree it’s not working, suspect it was actually pretty silly for either party to think her bringing her own infant to the job would result in anything else, as soon as I read it I rolled my eyes, was never going to work.

I would email/text her setting out your concerns and explaining that whilst you were happy for her to bring her DD as long as she could meet both sets of needs this hasn’t been the case and it is preventing you from being able to work, therefore she’s not fulfilling the childcare you asked for. Explain due to this you can no longer accept her bringing her DD with her to work so either she find alternative childcare or you will.

I suspect she will then refuse the job anyway.

Original poster
Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 09:56

I did think of that but I know I won’t be able to articulate my reasons as clearly over the phone. It’s also bloody awkward “hi - we’re letting you go”!
mat least by text she can read, absorb and then respond. We ultimately will still see her and deal with her whilst she’s working her notice so I’d like the exchange to be considered… I don’t want to put her on the spot over the phone and make it super awkward!

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 09:58

She’s a nanny with 15 years experience with children of a simulate age! If she thought she could do it and said she could do and came with glowing references then how would I know otherwise as a FTM!
helpful comment that doesn’t address my actual question!

OP posts:
Original poster
Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 09:58

She’s been with us for 2 weeks not 2 years. She’s also self employed on a FTC.
so not relevant in any way.

OP posts:
glassfully · 21/10/2022 10:00

Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 09:58

She’s a nanny with 15 years experience with children of a simulate age! If she thought she could do it and said she could do and came with glowing references then how would I know otherwise as a FTM!
helpful comment that doesn’t address my actual question!

To be fair to you, I knew quite a few nannies for twins when I was a nanny. They managed to look after two babies just fine.

TweetnDour · 21/10/2022 10:01

I would pay her notice and not have her return. I would never have hired a nanny who brings her own child with her let alone a 6 months baby!!!! OMG.
It would be strange for your baby to have her mother in the home but then she is with this strange adult who I'm sure will be favouring her own child, understandably. Very weird dynamic. If I had to work at home I would have my baby with an adult who focuses solely on her.

rocketfromthecrypt · 21/10/2022 10:02

Be an adult and ring her, then follow up in writing to confirm.

windowwhy · 21/10/2022 10:02

Thehonestbadger · 21/10/2022 09:56

I don’t think you can simply fire her because a term you originally agreed to is now not working for you. That seems like serious grounds for unfair dismissal.

However, I do agree it’s not working, suspect it was actually pretty silly for either party to think her bringing her own infant to the job would result in anything else, as soon as I read it I rolled my eyes, was never going to work.

I would email/text her setting out your concerns and explaining that whilst you were happy for her to bring her DD as long as she could meet both sets of needs this hasn’t been the case and it is preventing you from being able to work, therefore she’s not fulfilling the childcare you asked for. Explain due to this you can no longer accept her bringing her DD with her to work so either she find alternative childcare or you will.

I suspect she will then refuse the job anyway.

It's not serious grounds for unfair dismissal you can't bring an unfair dismissal claim until you've worked for someone for 2 years

DrMarciaFieldstone · 21/10/2022 10:02

Nannies with their own children never works.

bloodywhitecat · 21/10/2022 10:02

Texting her would be wrong, either do it face to face or call her. Looking after children with that age group is hard but not unfeasible, I fostered two babies with a three month age gap, it was hard work getting a pattern established but once it was I found it not much more difficult than caring for a baby and a toddler.

Arenanewbie · 21/10/2022 10:02

Can you send her an email? I can see your point of view that call might be awkward however txt looks a bit too abrupt.

TweetnDour · 21/10/2022 10:02

And to answer your question, you can dump her by text but I wouldn't have her back anyway and pay her notice instead. I just wouldn't want bad vibes around my baby or me in my own home.

Original poster
Newmum0322 · 21/10/2022 10:03

TweetnDour · 21/10/2022 10:01

I would pay her notice and not have her return. I would never have hired a nanny who brings her own child with her let alone a 6 months baby!!!! OMG.
It would be strange for your baby to have her mother in the home but then she is with this strange adult who I'm sure will be favouring her own child, understandably. Very weird dynamic. If I had to work at home I would have my baby with an adult who focuses solely on her.

We are moving to this model. The new nanny can’t start right away though and I’m back at work

OP posts:
JudgeRindersMinder · 21/10/2022 10:03

glassfully · 21/10/2022 10:00

To be fair to you, I knew quite a few nannies for twins when I was a nanny. They managed to look after two babies just fine.

Show quote history

It’s entirely different when one of the babies is the nanny’s own though, they’ll always have first call on the nanny’s attention.

OP can you afford to just pay her in lieu of notice? Letting someone go by text is a really low blow and will totally sour the relationship

TweetnDour · 21/10/2022 10:04

What unfair dismissal? She's self employed not an employee of the op.

SleeplessInEngland · 21/10/2022 10:05

Obviously it was silly of you both to think this arrangement could work, but you should call her at the very least. Yeah, it'll be awkward but it'll feel a hell of lot less brutal than a simply text.

Branleuse · 21/10/2022 10:05

Yes id just sack her. Shes been there two weeks. Trial period has barely started and youre paying her to watch your child and shes barely taking her eyes off her own. This isnt the job for her and shes not the nanny for you

Worthyornot · 21/10/2022 10:06

glassfully · 21/10/2022 10:00

To be fair to you, I knew quite a few nannies for twins when I was a nanny. They managed to look after two babies just fine.

Show quote history

That's completely different when your own child is part of the childcare.

jeaux90 · 21/10/2022 10:06

Had a nanny for ten years (same one) and your dynamic with this one sounds off. I'd dump by text too probably.

I used to be on the office a lot so had a live in, but things pivoted during the pandemic changing things significantly.

Bonjovispjs · 21/10/2022 10:12

In this situation, it's fine to text her, just tell her it's not working and you don't need her any longer. I'm a nanny and I'm always amazed how many parents go for nannies with their own child, of course they're going to prioritise them over yours.

user1471457751 · 21/10/2022 10:14

@Thehonestbadger of course it's not grounds for unfair dismissal, please don't make things up. Within the first 2 years of employment the nanny can be fired for any reason provided its not due to a protected characteristic e.g. race, sex etc.

@Newmum0322 I would call her as I think that is more professional than text but I understand completely why you want to get rid.

If you want to continue using nannies please do look up your responsibilities as an employer. Almost all nannies are employed not self-employed and it's up to HMRC to determine that status, you can't just make them self-employed because it works better for you. You run the risk of getting into some serious trouble - owing employer NICs, paying income tax, legal rights to annual leave and sick pay etc