'bro, you are never going to have a daughter, ever'

[thatlabguy]

[after the 20 weeks baby scan]

watching my two sons celebrating that they are having another baby brother, their dad, me, a single child who spent the last 25 years dreaming that one day I will have a daughter of my own, has came to a realisation that this dream will stay a dream for the rest of my life.

As a grown up, I understand that I must 'stay strong', 'accept the fact', 'many parents dream to have three boys', 'be happy that the baby boy is healthy', and 'move on with my life'.

On the other hand, I am extremely worried that deep in my mind I will never accept the fact for not having a daughter for the rest of my like, the negative energy of 'dream not come true' accumulates and one day it will explode. Of course, I'd like to prevent it from happening but I have no idea where to start, it'd be lovely to know how parents who have already been through this and successfully moved on! Should I see a psychologist?

You have my sympathy. Both me & my DH wanted a girl- after 7 miscarriages when my pregnancy stuck around, we really hoped for a daughter. When I spotted a willy at the 14 week scan I actually cried because on some level, I think I knew I probably wouldn’t manage any more babies & I so wanted a girl (I know this seems ludicrous; obviously I was also happy to be seeing a healthy foetus). 7 years on I wouldn’t change a thing. I think I did grieve for the daughter I won’t have, and that’s ok! Let yourself feel it. I’m sure you’ll come to a sense of peace about it, even though you might always be a bit sad it didn’t happen.
(Also- the world is getting so much worse for girls. I think I’d actually be terrified to parent a girl. Trying to raise a respectful, gentle boy.)

I’m 7 months pregnant with my 2nd baby, and I was delighted that we’re having another girl! My DP, not so much, as we’re not too likely to be having another baby after this one, for a few reasons- my age, how hard pregnancy is on my body due to pre-existing conditions as well as pregnancy related pains, considerations about future finances, etc. We also did fertility treatments for both of our babies, and while we’ve been incredibly lucky, that’s not always the case (two miscarriages in four attempts).
My DP loves our daughter to distraction, and is very excited to meet our new baby, but has always wanted a boy. While I’m a little sad that we’re probably not going to have that, I honestly think if we tried again in 18 months, we’d end up with another girl anyway. I do think at some point you have to draw the line of when to stop, regardless of the “what ifs “ you might have in your mind

I felt like this too
i had always wanted a daughter , I have two sons who are now almost grown up . They are wonderful loving sons that any mother would be proud to have . I know there will always be a part of me that feels like I’ve missed out on not having a daughter for special mother/daughter bonding moments that I haven’t been able to experience . I’m ok with that now though , we don’t get everything in life we want hopefully one day I’ll have a granddaughter .

@DangerousAlchemy We had rats too :D They make such great pets!

I have 3 sons, their Dad had been married before and had 3 daughters with his first wife.
I longed for a daughter and to be quite honest if I found myself pregnant now (impossible) I wouldn’t be unhappy.
However my 3rd son, who was an unplanned pregnancy ( his Dad actually told him this 😡) has been the biggest blessing to me and knowing he was my last baby made him all the more special.
I knew everyone knew I wanted a girl and when we found out at the scan he was a boy, after my initial sadness - I won’t lie.
I decided there was no way that I was going to have my beautiful baby be a disappointment in any way.
Hes 22 now and whilst I love all 3 of my sons - circumstances have meant that my youngest son and I are extremely close and I do not think I could have a stronger more happier relationship with a daughter.

However as time as passed and I’ve grown older, I am very aware that I have ‘mum’ like relationships with several young girls, some are my friends children some are girls I work with and I think that,and the fact my partner (not my childrens Dad) has the most awesome grandchildren 3 of whom are girls - so I kind of get my daughter kicks that way.
it is what it is (as much as I hate the saying) we always want what we don’t have, I consolidated it with the fact I had a very handsome, happy, healthy perfect baby - and that is in itself a blessing.
With hindsight and as a kind of balancing emotion I accept that by having sons and not daughters I have hopefully lessened the genetic risks of future grandchildren and ancestors having ovarian cancer and breast cancer as that is sadly what killed both maternal and paternal grandmothers.
it’s a time thing and once you see your baby son I can guarantee you - you will be full of joy xxx

Similar story here but without the Indian background. I have two girls, they couldn’t be more different in their interests. Remains to be seen if anyone will want to go to the rugby with DH but he’s over it now,.

I know someone with 7 children under 10. She now has a little girl after 6 boys. I await with interest to see if her family is now “complete”.

Have you considered other options? Volunteering as a guide/brownie leader, fostering, mentoring/reading in a deprived school. A friend volunteers on a programme to support new mums without a lot of family support. She loves it and it has helped with the broodiness too I think.

Honestly, reading this please get therapy to help you with those feelings.. Even if you had a daughter you cannot project that onto her which you would as you already are. You need to process and make peace with yourself and your past, a little girl cannot make up for what is missing in you and its not fair.

I get you! Mum of one boy and had losses.
they say you have your sons for a little while and then they get married and hang out with in laws more. I’m hoping that’s not the case.

I love my mother in law. She’s not a warm sort and I wouldn’t call us extremely close, but I love her and I know she loves me. She’s a very stoic Catholic farm wife type, but she would give us the shirt off her back in a heartbeat and I don’t know what I would do without her and her help.

I bet any future DILs will think you’re great :)

I honestly don’t get the urge that some woman get for a boy or a girl

I just wanted to be a mum

took 10yrs ttc and 5 private costly ivf to get my one and only ever bfp

im forever grateful that I’m a mum to my dc who is now 5

honestly didn’t care what the sex was

I still have friends now who can’t have kids and tried ivf

I have friends who have 2/3 of the same sex

some urge for the other

what would you prefer to be childless forever or have 2/3 of same sex

I have two girls and one boy.
I thought my girls would be girlie and enjoy shopping.pampering and generally be my best friends. Nope they are all individual who have their own personalities and none of what I thought would be the case applies 🤷‍♀️
My boy has special needs so I didn't even get my dream of standing in the rain watching him play football on a weekend 🤷‍♀️
But they all bring me joy in their own unique ways whether they are boys or girls🤷‍♀️

This day and age, one of your Sons could end up being your daughter!

I would say if you feel it is going to become a massive issue for you in the long run, or going to affect your relationship with your sons, then perhaps speaking to a professional might be helpful to let you talk it through with someone and find ways of working through how you feel.

Is it a financial or medical decision not to have any more children after this baby, or is it because you don't want to keep trying in case you have another boy? If it is the second, would perhaps adopting a female child be an option? I know a family who had 4 sons and then adopted a girl, and they are all very happy.