AIBU to ask your experience of having a very bright child?

[MaryShelley1818]

We just had our first parents evening and DS's report was extremely good. (Understatement)
His reading and writing are excellent (never done any of this at home or prior to him starting school 6wks ago). Excellent Maths skills, very good at PE, excellent imagination and creativity, very confident and mature. The teacher said usually children are very academic OR very creative but he literally has it all and is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer (absolutely fine with this). Also very mature and expressive language.

We don't focus on academics in our house, but more on values of being kind. She said he has a special friendship and bond with a little girl who needs additional help and checks she is ok and has her specialised equipment etc Also he is described as having beautiful manners and being genuinely liked by other children.

So.....After Parents evening other parents were chatting and sharing and I found myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing DS's as I didn't want to look like I was bragging or make him (or me) look smug. I found myself really playing it down, and even making up areas that he could improve (DS not there). Is it inevitable that I can't be proud of him or that I'll always have to play his successes down? Am I overthinking? A couple of parents did comment he was very mature and not an "average 4yr old". I don't want him to feel different or feel bad for being intelligent. (Me and DH are average, degree educated but not by any stretch academic).

I know it sounds like a stealth boast but it's really not.

You can’t be proud on here OP. I mean look at the comments. There’s a FB group called ‘parenting high potential’ which you might find useful. My middle child is exceptionally bright, but also modest and I left parents evening so proud once when they said how he was helping other kids with their revision letting them photocopy the revision cards he created. He’s not a bragger, I’m exceptionally proud of him and I don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed about it. I would say he’s book smart, he’s certainly still got a lot he’s not perfect with doing. He’s just talented but als

Sorry posted before I finished there - he’s talented but very driven that should say. He is going places for sure

He sounds lovely and you sound sensible.

But the thing is, at 4, he could just be quite precocious. At this age, development in children is often quite uneven. It doesn’t mean he’s necessarily a genius. Wait till he’s 12 or 13!

Just expose him to as many experiences which will nurture and develop his curiosity and joy in the world.

Wow, taking the ginger ale out. I'm 32 weeks and still with morning sickness. That should be entertaining. He is 4 OP.
2 sweets lads I know started uni at 14. I've never ever heard their mum voice any concern about them, apart for making sure they finished their pasta. Were are my glasses. I don't want to miss this.

I have a very bright DS. He was very bright at 4 when he started school. He’s still very bright at 12 so for those people telling your son will just become “average” as he gets older that’s not necessarily the case. My DS is in a super selective state grammar. Even there he’s in the top half of the year - in the top ten percent for many subjects. I don’t volunteer this information but if people ask I give them a general indication of how he’s performing.

When he was in Reception I didn’t volunteer information about his performance either, again I would just give a general indication when asked. However, if I was asked a direct question I wouldn’t answer it truthfully (e.g. what reading level is he on). As he went up the school it became more obvious anyway as everyone knew who was in the top sets, who got the academic awards etc.

My proudest moment was not an academic achievement. It was when he became head boy as he was voted in by his year group. The next day when he entered the play ground the kids gave him a big cheer. I did talk about that to other parents as I wanted them to know how lovely their kids were.

Aww that all sounds lovely, what a fab experience for him.
Yes, I've definitely learnt a lesson on here.

“Yeah he’s getting on well. And yours?”

Isn’t it that easy?

Just wow...."you don't want to miss this" What a truly nasty person you sound. I think you need to find something in your life that makes you happy rather than other people being unkind.

You'd think so.....but for a chronic overthinking people pleaser with pretty GAD not so much 🙄

One of my children is exceptionally bright (noticeable since he was a toddler).

I tend to just be quite general and vague when asked about his parents evenings etc as there is a fine line between being proud and bragging to make other people feel bad.

On the advice of his reception teacher many moons ago, we’ve really worked on finding things he will find difficult so that he learns what it’s like not to be able to do something. In his case, swimming hasn’t come easily to him and it has been good for him to have to work at something and experience ‘failure’.

Don't know where the pretty came from....definitely not an adjective for me 🤣

You have dealt with feedback with grace op

I know you say you have GAD so I hope you can enjoy this time, as he sounds really bright and happy

He's starting swimming in the New Year and is very nervous. Also he went climbing at an outdoors place a couple of weeks ago and really didn't do well (scared of heights) so yes maybe it'll be good to have things for him to work on.

I am not nasty. It's entertaining. You volunteered it. Sheers. This tells something about you not me.

Thank you....I need to learn to relax a lot!! I'm actually going to have some private hypnotherapy when I finish paying nursery fees as I always tend to have something to worry about, and it does affect most days for me.

You really need a hobby if this is your entertainment.

I hope you teach your children to be kinder.
Very sad for you.

Mmm, and I think that you are derailing your own post. Saying that you are not boasting does not mean that it's not exactly what you are doing. Saying that I am nasty does not mean that I am. I did not share about my kids. Perhaps I would have. I will leave it at that. And work on your EI, you know, this is important too. As other posters have already pointed, and perhaps I have too, in my own way.

Op, I had and have an incredibly bright son. I couldn’t say anything beyond “he’s very good at maths”. You know what your child is like and that’s ultimately all that matters. I think you can definitely see hyper intelligence from a very young age. Discuss this ONLY with family (eg your husband or mum) or close friends with kids of different ages, NOT with fellow class mums.

Agree with this - DD is a September baby - although her G&T label disappeared in Year 5 her confidence didn't !

You are telling me I need to work on my emotional intelligence after what you wrote....oh that's hilarious 😂😂😂 Seriously thank you!

Whatever point you were trying to make was completely lost in your delivery. You don't have to be so deliberately unkind to people to make yourself feel better. A lot of people managed to tell me I was being unreasonable without resorting to what you did. I have reflected in abundance on here, sounds like maybe you could benefit from some reflection yourself. You may think you're not unkind but your post read like something the class bully would say.

My intention was not boasting, totally accept that's not how it came across.

I admire your patience to respond to the unkind and no doubt envious posters on here.

You sound delightful and so does your child, always a lovely moment to get such awesome feedback on your own child, enjoy it.

I agree, just say he’s doing really well, no concerns.

In a gentle way, it’s probably not as big of a deal as you think it is. It’s reception parents evening and he’s doing nicely. You don’t have to parent him any differently or act any differently around other parents.

(Before I get told I’m envious I’ve got an extremely bright Dd who always gets glowing parents evenings - she is 14 so a lot more to base it on - and is very creative too. And kind. I don’t treat her any differently to Ds who struggles academically)

Thank you...there's been a couple of awful people on here!
I'm definitely pfb to some extent. Also a very long road to have children (I'm mid-40s) so obviously got a little ott in my reaction.

It's still nice to hear positive things about him though, and I'll continue to be (privately) proud.

I'm sure you're right and it's not 😊