AIBU to ask your experience of having a very bright child?

[MaryShelley1818]

We just had our first parents evening and DS's report was extremely good. (Understatement)
His reading and writing are excellent (never done any of this at home or prior to him starting school 6wks ago). Excellent Maths skills, very good at PE, excellent imagination and creativity, very confident and mature. The teacher said usually children are very academic OR very creative but he literally has it all and is working at the very top end for everything. He's been standing up and speaking in assembly and she has to ask him to put his hand down and let other children answer sometimes as she knows he will know the answer (absolutely fine with this). Also very mature and expressive language.

We don't focus on academics in our house, but more on values of being kind. She said he has a special friendship and bond with a little girl who needs additional help and checks she is ok and has her specialised equipment etc Also he is described as having beautiful manners and being genuinely liked by other children.

So.....After Parents evening other parents were chatting and sharing and I found myself feeling embarrassed and uncomfortable sharing DS's as I didn't want to look like I was bragging or make him (or me) look smug. I found myself really playing it down, and even making up areas that he could improve (DS not there). Is it inevitable that I can't be proud of him or that I'll always have to play his successes down? Am I overthinking? A couple of parents did comment he was very mature and not an "average 4yr old". I don't want him to feel different or feel bad for being intelligent. (Me and DH are average, degree educated but not by any stretch academic).

I know it sounds like a stealth boast but it's really not.

I don’t think teachers give particularly negative parents evenings six weeks into school. He sounds loved but not remarkably academic. There are always a couple that can already read and count, some drilled some able and always some more confident, in every year. It’s sweet that you’re so chuffed and that’s probably the best indication that he’ll be fine.

To people saying ‘what maths in reception’, my daughter’s pre-school does maths for age 2-4. It does happen.

This is my DS all over - amazingly bright at primary level, lazy little tyke and staggeringly average at secondary. Shame really.

Maybe to you I do 🤷🏻‍♀️
We can't all be liked by everyone.

What I would say is that at least I'm aware of my faults - to just call someone something nasty with the sole intention of you being hurtful makes you not a very nice person. So maybe I've came across as a "bit of a knob" but I think you've came across worse in that one sentence.

They really don’t 🤣

Thank you 😊
I appreciate that. Ironically my report writing/assessments are praised (my assignments not so much 🤣🤣). I'm definitely better in person than on paper though lol. I've definitely been told to be more concise on more than one (hundred) occasions!

We actually have a piano!! (I am monumentally crap at it without an ounce of talent).

That's a great idea to let him maybe have a play on it. (It's in the attic so rarely accessed).

Thank you 😊

Teachers do try to keep it positive tho
its great to hear that your own child is doing well. We all want to hear that

just keep it short and sweet to friends and other playground parents ‘oh yes jimmy is doing well, settling in nicely ‘

two of my own kids were similar to yours op in fact all the way through primary the only negative thing I heard was that the handwriting wasn’t neat enough ( come secondary school and no one cares about the handwriting )

First child I see 😅😅 be proud of your baby, and remember we all think our darlings are perfect… (at primary school age) 😬

*@1AngelicFruitCake

You mentioned he helps a child with additional needs, which is kind but can he make friends rather than being in the helper role?

Funny you should say this, because my daughter was bright and the teacher deliberately told me she sat my daughter next to a less able pupil for some lessons (who was also not well behaved), so she could help him.

My daughter had complained the boy didn't listen and I asked what the context was.

I then spoke to her teacher, that's when she said it was to help the boy and I said it was annoying my daughter, as he didn't listen to her and it was affecting her negatively.

The teacher said she often did this, as kids respond to their peers.

OP he’s 4.
He could end up as the next Einstein, find the answer for world peace or an inmate at broadmoor.
Come back to is when he’s 16 and show us his school report then. You will have a better idea.

You have piano in the attic? A piano? I really don’t think you do 🤣
Also, who has an attic in the UK?

It's a strange world where it's ok to tell everyone your DS scored a hat trick at the weekend, but not that he came top in the class in a test.

IME, just quietly enjoy that your DS is bright and celebrate his achievements with the family. Sometimes it can level out or it brings problems like they get bored in class and you have to manage that forever. Or they end up being a coaster because everything comes easy and they never fully achieve their potential.

It's literally the first few weeks of term....I'd suggest chilling out a bit. Things can change.

Just say - yeah all positive, he's settling in nicely, and we're really pleased - feels like we picked the right school for him. Then divert the question, how's your child settling in?

😂and they're off!!!!...........
A bumpy road ahead, I think 😉

I agree! You sound great 😊

He’s four and you seriously believed all that? Get a grip. He has a LONG road in front of him at school and things can change. Please don’t tell other parents what the teacher said or you’ll be laughed out of the playground. In years to come you’ll remember posting this and realise how ridiculous it was. 😂

😆
He’s 4 yes?

🤣🤣🤣

Oh dear OP.
Oh dear…

Yes, your experience doesn’t surprise me. I do use children to encourage others but not excessively. I know my own children are often placed with children who need help with their behaviour which drives me mad because using my children shouldn’t be the go to!

I also mentioned it because sometimes brighter children struggle with friendships if they find it hard to relate to peers so wondered if that was the case with OPs child.

I’ve got to say OP that there are many here delighting in being a bit nasty or mocking. Some because, no matter the effort put in, their children struggle and so I can understand their response to this thread (still not right though). I can also guarantee they’ll be parents reading this who don’t put in any effort compared to you with their Children but are ready to have a go. Those types are just nasty!

I have a massive attack.
A piano would fit up there too.

attic even

Yes. My dd is and was very bright and ahead. She never did any sort of reading scheme and was on chapter books in reception. She went to other classes for phonics and we were told that the school had "never seen a child like her". She is in y11 now and predicted 9s for everything. Other parents always knew- she was the talk of the school for her reading but it was never an issue and I never made a thing about it. Just reply "he's doing well, all good". No need for more.

I grew up with an exceptionally bright younger brother who ended up with a First from Cambridge and then got a full academic scholarship to Harvard for postgrad in Stem subjects. But to be honest, at school he didn't stand out in the traditional school academics. Certainly not at primary school. He was super immature at 5-6 and didn't like school at all. However, outside of school, he definitely stood out as being exceptional. For example, at the age of about 8-9 he taught himself how to solve the Rubiks cube by watching YouTube videos and then practiced non-stop with an oiled Rubiks cube to "speed cube" so he could solve it in under 1 minute (no exaggeration), solve it blind etc. He would ask my parents to buy him cubes of different sizes that he would also solve and practice with to be super quick. It totally blew my mind 🫣He would also constantly read books on coding/hacking and teach himself how to do that stuff. However, when he was your son's age he wasn't particularly well-behaved and certainly didn't shine at school. His academic achievements all came later once he matured. And no one pushed him to do anything. He read up on things he was interested himself.

It's still very early days OP. If your son really shows signs of being an academic genius, all you can do is support him in what he wants to do. It's a nice problem to have.

"Teardrop" prob my favourite Massive Attack single. Can you play it on your piano?

op, looks like your DS is doing well. Simple additions in early reception sounds normal to me - a lot of children do it. Not boasting but DS1 was doing 3 digit additions and subtractions mentally by the time he started reception. DD and DS2 were only starting to understand the concepts of addition and subtraction by that age.