To ask why you gave DC his last name?

[Tsort]

If you kept your name/aren’t married, but gave DC their father’s last name (as opposed to double barrelling or giving them you own), may I ask why?

Is there any need to be so snappy with people OP?

Personally, I think double barrelling looks and sounds bad. I wouldn't want a double barrellled name so I wasn't going to give one to my kids.
Plus it seems more annoying for labelling clothes and filling in forms.
His surname sounds better than mine, made their whole names sound nicer.
His is easy to spell and pronounce, whereas mine is not english so is often misspelled.
I have had four different surnames in my life so I am not really attached to any of them.
Not a big deal, just no reason to give them mine.

I kept my last name as I feel it’s a part of my identity. It’s a very rare surname that I’ve always sort of hated but couldn’t part with when push came to shove. I gave my children my (now) DH’s name because:

• he is from a (very different) culture to me where names are a lot different. We used a British first and middle name, so it seemed only fair to use his surname. It was my idea. I’d not have wanted to use my surname and a first and middle from his culture as I LOVE my children’s first names and am less bothered about the surname
• I didn’t really want to saddle my children with a surname I’ve hated for most of my life
• both surnames are long and it would have been way too much of a mouthful together!

Partly because it’s what my mum did (kept her surname but gave me my dad’s surname) so I knew first hand it wasn’t an issue having a different surname to one’s mother

Partly because it was more important to him than to me

And partly because his surname is genuinely nicer. If he’d been called Pratsbottom or something I’m sure I’d have given them my name. And probably campaigned for him to take my name to boot.

I don’t think I am being particularly snappy, but you’re certainly entitled to your opinion.

Can I ask why you're so interested, OP?

Your responses to some people are coming off quite judgemental, and it is very clear you have set views on the situation and are struggling to see someone else's point of view.

But, is there a reason you need to understand it?

I’m struggling to think of a scenario where child being legitimate would matter now. Maybe some hereditary titles or old will or trust fund wording.
But yes there’s a form parents who later marry are supposed to complete.

I think it’s great to have both (or all) aspects of a multicultural background represented in one’s name. I have that in mine and it’s important that our DC do, as well.

Coz I didn’t like mine

I'm surprised at a lot of these answers. Usually on threads where this comes up, most posters seem to think it's traditional to give a child the father's name. Even though a look through history clearly shows it isn't.

I've often wondered the same as you OP. I gave my child my name and nothing on this earth would have moved me on that.

But people can do what they want I guess. Some fascinating reasons on here too. Interesting insight.

I have expressed my opinion in the comments. I’m interested enough to start an MN thread about it (not sure that qualifies as ‘so’ interested, tbh) and I’ve engaged with posters. I’ve seen lots of people’s POV and asked questions of others. As is the custom on threads.

Can I ask why this appears to discomfit you?

Both my children have their dad's surname.. been together 21 years and not married.. never thought any more about it..

I’ve learnt a thing today. 😁

A few reasons. Firstly, I felt sorry that he couldn't experience carrying and giving birth. Secondly, I felt it would hurt him if I didn't, even though I don't think he would have objected. Thirdly, it doesn't matter to me that we don't share a surname. Fourthly, I know it would have caused ill feeling with in laws and, while I will stick my neck out for something I feel strongly about, I didn't re this. Overall, I think I am not insecure about it as there is no doubt my son is mine, shared surname or not.

Yes, some really interesting reasons that wouldn’t have occurred to me. And I’ve learnt about ‘legitimation by subsequent marriage’ which I had never heard of before.

Because my surname isn't mine, it's my ex husband's. I won't be going back to my maiden name so made no sense to give my kids that name. It's an unusual name and I don't think my kids would appreciate having it.

We were supposed to be getting married anyway so didn't really matter at the time, however I'm not sure I want to get married again and my DP would never push me to set a date, so currently both kids have his name and there's no wedding in sight.

www.sheltons-solicitors.co.uk/blog/why-do-you-have-to-re-register-the-birth-of-your-child

Bit more info. I should say it’s for English Law.

I’m married but kept my surname: Our sons have DH’s name. I just wanted people to know they were his and didn’t want questions about it.

I kept mt name simply because I like it. When I’m called Mrs (DH NAME) it doesn’t bother me - it wasn’t a statement about anything.

12 years ago I gave my son my surname. 8 years ago I gave my daughter his!

so I’ve been on both sides and honestly it’s neither here nor there to me! By the time I had my daughter I wasn’t bothered as it really didn’t excite me that much having the same surname as my kids.

i also took in a child without my surname. My son with my surname doesn’t feel any more my child than the others so I guess I’m just indifferent to it all!

i wouldn’t double barrel as I personally don’t like it but honestly don’t care who’s surname anyones kids have. Give them a cool as fuck surname if you want! I would chose something like Targaryen 😁

I love that! Please meet, Adam Jones, Leila Mohammed (cultural approximations of DH and I’s names) and their daughter, Zara Lannister. 😂😂😂

I didn't decide fully until we had the first baby in our arms and the combination of names we decided on just felt right. A first name I liked since I was a child, a middle name from my mum's family and his dad's surname. We're all important to him and any combination of names would have been fine, I wanted a name that would suit him/be him, rather than follow a rule or tradition just because. It was always 50/50 until then that he could have my name or his dad's but I just liked the 'ring' to that whole name, it felt like it was made for him once I met him.

I like oh's name, when I first met him I liked the 'ring' to his name too, it's a known name but not very common where we live, he was the first one I'd met. Whereas I've got an Irish name and live in Scotland where there's thousands of us. Also the opposing vowel sounds in the first name i loved and my surname were too jarring and they flowed much nicer with oh's name. If I had chosen a different first name he may have taken my name.

@Tsort does not discomfit me in the slightest.

I am just wondering about the reasoning behind your curiosity, that's all. I assumed this was a conversation, however where you've been asked a question, you've gotten defensive and answered by firing back a question (see your reply to me). Which I always find odd in a thread where someone is asking other people to be open and express their reasonings behind something. To then bounce back any questions asked of yourself just doesn't mix well in the conversation in my opinion. Although perhaps, a discussion wasn't your aim and you are simply wanting straight answers to your question. Which is fair enough.

But either way, you're entitled to be curious, of course.

I despise double barrelled names, and I like tradition. 😊

I preferred his name? He didn't ask. He was actually surprised when I said his name with my 1st in hospital.

You asked a question and I answered it, with a fair bit of detail. I then asked you a question. That’s ‘firing back a question’? Okay, then.

I wish you all the best in conversations that are more to your taste.