To ask why you gave DC his last name?

[Tsort]

If you kept your name/aren’t married, but gave DC their father’s last name (as opposed to double barrelling or giving them you own), may I ask why?

He forced me too and started shouting at me when I wanted to double barrel it.

And the law sides with men and doesn't allow women to double barrel it even when the father is absent. School have let me double barrel it unofficially but my eldest isn't happy that he can't have my/his surname on his gcse certs too.

I thought everyone did it. I've realised on mums net it's not the correct thing to do.

Because we knew we would be getting married in the near future. DD1 born 2014, married 2018 and DD2 born 2020. We all have the same name now.

I had no real emotional attachment to my name and don’t feel like I’ve lost any part of me by changing my name.

I don't like double barreled names so that was never an option for me.

Before our first was born my husband asked me what surname I wanted to give our child. I didn't want to give them my name because my surname isn't really a family name for me - my mum remarried so has a different surname from me and my siblings all have a different surname to me (either because they have a different dad, or went NC with my dad and changed their surname to my mum's maiden name). I was low contact with my dad when two of my kids were born so wasn't particularly close to him. He's subsequently passed away (prematurely from alcohol related issues). I have no relatives with the same surname as me (no extended family either).

My mum wants me to change my name to her name but I don't want to. Despite my issues with my dad, my surname is my name. However, I had no desire to pass it on to my kids. I'm not that bothered about sharing a name with my kids, because I don't share a name with anyone in my family and they're still my family.

So in a nutshell: I didn't give my kids my name because I didn't want to. And that was for my own reasons. Other people who kept their maiden name but named their kids their husbands name probably have their own reasons too.

Because I was young and thats just what you did. Same for when I got married and took his name. Never occurred to me not to until years after.

Because I intended to marry him and change my name. I then changed my mind on marrying him and changing my name. Then he died, so I could have changed their names to mine but it's one of their last links to him, so I have left it.

My son has his father's surname because I like it more than my own and it sounded better with his name. We are getting married next month but if that doesn't happen for what ever reason then I'd change my name by deed poll to match my sons.

Dd has my name. I'm single and doubt I'd ever get married, if I did I wouldn't change my name. Don't understand why women generally do. We do all the hard work of pregnancy and labour!

I didn't. They both have my name.

@megletthesecond are you in the UK? You can give your kids any surname you like. There's no 'law', contrary to popular belief. Can make any old name up if you want.

We’re married; I didn’t change my name. We would have double barrelled but our names just don’t sound good together, either way round. I had (long ago) chosen our firstborn’s name and it flows better with his surname. We considered giving the next one mine but decided it was more important for the siblings to have the same surname. Looking back I could have just put my name in there as another middle name perhaps.

I took my DH’s name when we married. So my children have our surname.

When I was born, my non-married mother gave me her surname. She then went on to marry another man and took his name. They divorced a few years later and she never changed her back. She still has his name today 40 years later.

As a child I felt extremely disconnected from both my parents and wider family. Partly due to the name thing. My dad did ask me to change my last name to his when I was 10 but I said no. I felt a few years later that I wished I had said yes but felt it was to late. My mum would have kicked off if I had as well.

When I got married I viewed it as a chance to belong and happily changed my name to my DH’s and now feel connected.

Because his is better my surname meant lots if teasing as a child his is a lovely one.

Not me but my sister gave her child the fathers surname. She has told me she did this because she thought they would get married and she would take his name too.

When she realised there would be no marriage sage actually managed to change her child’s name to her own. I have never asked how she pulled that off, because I understand she would have needed permission, surprised he gave it.

We are married but I kept my name.
We gave dd dh's name, they are both nice but don't "go" together so double barrelling was out. We also considered making a new hybrid name but again couldn't come up with anything nice.
She has my surname as a second middle name.
Before we got married I told DH that I wasn't having kids before marriage, but if we did they'd get my name!

Sorry to jump on this, but what is this about? Do you still have to re register the child's birth even if their name doesn't change? My son has my name and I am keeping my name when we get married (we chose to lose the horrendous double barrelled name my partner has). Will we still need to re register his birth when we get married?

Because he pressured me and gaslit me. He came along to the registry office and basically took over. I hate that I have a different surname to one of my DCs and wish I’d stood up for myself. But then, he’s a cunning bastard and I was very downtrodden and mis-informed (by him).

Because it was important to my DH (we weren't actually married at the time though) and it really wasn't that important to me. I didn't particularly like my maiden name and had no attachment to it whatsoever.

I gave my DD my name. Her father was from a family of bad reputation so no way was she having that name. He kicked off and whined on the way to register her then sulked.
Got a court mediator involved a few months later who rang me asking if I'd change the name. Told him no bloody chance. Best thing I ever did because her dad is now a druggie scumbag too.

DD took DP name as it meant more to him than me and I was happy with the outcome because his name is nicer than mine. Easy enough.

all this talk of standing ground and breaking tradition is only relevant if you want DC to have your name over theirs for a reason! they have 2 parents, agree between yourselves and if you can’t agree on such basics… then you shouldn’t have children!

Happy to break the link with my own father's surname.

His name is easier than mine. I still have my weird second name, but I’m used to it 😁

I want the same name as my family, so if they had my name DH would have to have taken my name, which wasn't happening as I hate my maiden name!

I didn’t care enough to make a big deal about it. DD has DH’s surname but my surname as a second middle name. I’ve kept my name. My mum kept her name and my sister and I have my father’s name. It wasn’t a fight worth having because I honestly didn’t see what the big deal is, the child has to have one of the surnames and my DH’s surname is quite nice. I don’t need the same surname as her to know that she’s my daughter. I honestly don’t particularly care either if the school calls me Mrs DH, it’s just more convenient.

I often say this to people when they say it’s tradition for children to have their father’s surname.

It isn’t. It’s traditional to have your mother’s name. Except in the past that flowed from the parents usually being married and the mother automatically taking the fathers surname upon marriage so by default the child had the father’s surname.

years ago illegitimate children would have had their mother’s names as per the tradition.

I don’t say this with any moral judgement before anyone gets defensive about the patriarch etc. just a mere statement of the history.

as people cared less and less about “legitimacy” (and rightly so) and marriage etc this has left this overhang and impression that it is traditional to have father’s surname.

We’ve double barrelled our daughter’s name. To be honest I do feel a bit guilty about saddling her with it as they don’t really ‘go’ together, but I didn’t want her to just have his last name and he didn’t want her to just have my last name.

Before we had her registered most people assumed she was going to just have his last name though.