To ask why you gave DC his last name?

[Tsort]

If you kept your name/aren’t married, but gave DC their father’s last name (as opposed to double barrelling or giving them you own), may I ask why?

Then the question isn’t being asked of you.

No, I thought I made it clear - DH shares his last name with his father, brother, uncle, cousins, nieces and nephews.

I share mine only with my father, who I don’t speak to.

It made more sense to me to give my kids a name that was part of that wider family group. There is also no doubt that my dickhead dad would have been delighted if he’d heard the kids had his name, and I wouldn’t have wanted him to have that satisfaction, but that wasn’t the main reason for the choice.

I have kept my own name after getting married, however intend on giving my children my husbands name.

No real reason to be honest, other than that's what I want. My husband asked will we be double barrelling and I said no, they'll have your surname.

It doesn't bother me to not have the same surname as my children. They'll be my children, I don't need the same name to confirm that.

I just personally wanted to keep the name I grew up with. And I'd like my children to grow up with my husbands name, as opposed to my family's name.

Congratulations! 💗😊

Because we're a family, and we all have the same name.

We agreed beforehand that a girl would take his name and a boy would take mine. Subsequent children would use the same name as the eldest. We had a girl first!

Ah, I get you. My apologies. Giving them the name of a wider family group isn’t a reason that had occurred to me and I completely understand it (not that you need me to understand it, just saying).

I'm married. Never changed my name. I had my children 20 years ago. It never occurred to me not to give them my dh's name - if we weren't married I would have given them mine though. I suspect both my parents and his parents would have been shocked if we hadn't given we were a married couple. Dh and I were talking about it recently and said if we were having children today, we'd discuss it and might make a different decision. He'd love them to have my name.

When I had them they were Baby Pallisers in the hospital - all the nametags/bracelets etc. I loved that and so do they.

Because his surname is nicer than mine!

I don’t think you’ve understood the question.

Young, sheltered and naive, no guidance from my parents, lots of bad misogynistic advice which didn’t sit right with me but didn’t have the confidence to question it or act on it because of various pressures put on me at the time (cultural). I learnt a lot of things on mumsnet so at least I can advise my daughter better and not tell her to do the stupid things I was told to!

I think thud might be the naming convention in certain Northern European countries? I think I very vaguely remember reading something about it.

I have always disliked my surname because I dislike my side of the family, abusive people who I'm now NC with! So wanted our DC to have DP's surname regardless of whether we'd get married or not, don't want the association, however, we are also getting married next year so that's an added bonus!

Hahaha! A straightforward answer! 😂

I‘m sorry you had to deal with that, but it sounds like you are (or will be) a glorious mum.

Because I wanted to.

If you are super interested in why, because I rocked up into his life and set a bomb off in it. He always knew he would get married, have a white wedding, have a wife with his name wearing his ring, many children with his name, live happily ever after, he loved the whole romantic idea, what’s what all his three siblings have, that’s what his parents and grandparents have always had and etcetera, etcetera, he comes from a middle class world of shiny perfect lifelong marriages.

Shame for him that met a raging feminist from the wrong side of the tracks who’s been dragged up, not brought up, by abusive, criminal parents who were (shock, horror) divorced. There isn’t a white wedding photo in the entire (slim) photo album nor a happy marriage to aspire to.

I was very clear that to make a life with me would mean sacrificing all ideas of weddings, white or otherwise, all ambitions for a married life, i would not be called a wife or a Mrs or have an an engagement party at the church hall and invite all his family and have a seating plan. I told him for sure we would never have a wedding photo for his family wall, in fact we have only a handful of snaps of us together ever. I would never change my name to his - but he was always welcome to change his to mine if he felt that strongly about it being the same. I would never indulge his fantasy of a blushing bride, and there is no way to compromise on getting married. He loves the ideas of proposals, romance, big weddings, he would thrive at a wedding and love to have a wife and be called a husband. He’s not getting any of it, ever. I’m glad he decided that was a compromise he could make because we’ve had a lovely life so far. If we broke up I’m sure he would be married to someone else in double quick time, but maybe that’s not what the world meant for him after all.

It is the tradition to give the children the mothers name. So I blew that out of the water too and gave them his.

This is by FAR the most fun answer. I very much hope that you both continue to have a lovely life.

Because it's the done thing.
Because I didn't consider not doing it.
I thought we'd be together still obviously.
In an ideal world we'd have the same surname but it hasn't bothered me too much. I mean to be fair I grew up with a different surname to my mum much of the time. That's life

My baby has his dad's name. We have been together 15 years and don't have plans to get married but it doesn't bother me having a different surname to my baby, I'm still his mum no matter what our surnames are

I think the adopt in marriage was getting mixed up about re registration if parents subsequently marry.

Not questioning your motherhood. Just asking what your motivation was for not giving your DC your last name.

I think I was just brain washed into thinking it’s the thing to do. I wouldn’t do the same thing now.

Yes I think you're right. Interestingly I only heard of that recently. We were definitely told he'd have to adopt his own child. But I think by people who misunderstood the laws.

Oooh, this is interesting. I just had a look and ‘legitimation by subsequent marriage’ really harks back to a different era! Thanks for sharing.