Mumsnet Logo
Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

To think my DH can’t have it both ways?

173 replies

SamanthaVimes · 18/10/2022 17:21

DH has asked I do a bit more around the house now I’m on mat leave. Ok, fair enough BUT every time I’m doing a chore either

a) tells me I’m doing it wrong and criticises my way / timing (eg washing needs doing and I’ll get to it mid morning/lunch time but he thinks it should be first thing so it can be out on the line as long as possible whereas I’m timing it around DS’s feeds/naps/anything else I have planned for the day)

or

b) appears whilst I’m part way through and picks up the baby saying things like “oh, is Mummy ignoring you?” In a baby talk voice (obviously I don’t mind him picking up DS to stop him fussing but there’s always a comment iyswim)

He’s WFH full time and doing my head in!

I can either give full attention to the baby and get less done around the house but happier baby or DS can whinge a bit sometimes but more jobs get done

AIBU to tell him he can stop criticising or do it himself?

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

Am I being unreasonable?

AIBU

You have one vote. All votes are anonymous.

AnneLovesGilbert · 18/10/2022 17:23

YANBU at all. Cheeky sod.

Please
or
to access all these features

Chattycathydoll · 18/10/2022 17:23

This is horrible of him, and actually quite controlling. He’s setting up a scenario where you’re penned in with guilt and can never win.

Please
or
to access all these features

SamanthaVimes · 18/10/2022 17:27

@Chattycathydoll yes that’s it! I feel like I can’t win no matter what I do so why bother 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
Please
or
to access all these features

RunningFromInsanity · 18/10/2022 17:30

A) I agree with, especially in Winter as it needs to be drying for as long as possible
B) “No Mummy is doing all the chores that Daddy has said she has to”

Please
or
to access all these features

Choconut · 18/10/2022 17:32

I'd suggest he is controlling and has low self esteem. Not an attractive mix.

Please
or
to access all these features

Shinyandnew1 · 18/10/2022 17:35

A I agree with-the longer washing is out for, the more chance it has of drying.

B I would say F off to and tell him to stop making comments like that as it feels like he’s micromanaging you!

Please
or
to access all these features

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 18/10/2022 17:37

Just tell him no you're not doing anymore around the house. You're on mat leave to look after your baby. Not be his micro managed skivvy.

Please
or
to access all these features

pleasestopFGS · 18/10/2022 17:38

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

Please
or
to access all these features

DenholmElliot1 · 18/10/2022 17:38

Does he pick the baby up and say "oh is mummy ignoring you" when you're cooking his dinner?

Thought not. Tell him to fuck off.

Please
or
to access all these features

mumof1or2 · 18/10/2022 17:40

Amazed that lots of people are agreeing about washing being done first thing in the morning! It's way too cold to hang things on the line outside, and if it's being hung on clothes dryers inside the house it can just stay there til it's dry. Who cares if it has to be left overnight?

Please
or
to access all these features

Shinyandnew1 · 18/10/2022 17:41

It's way too cold to hang things on the line outside

It depends where you live, surely 😂. I’m in the South and have had washing out on the line most days since April.

Please
or
to access all these features

DisforDarkChocolate · 18/10/2022 17:43

Married 20 years and my husbands inability to put the washing on so it has time to line dry still drives me insane.

I keep my mouth shut though because if I get picky he'll remind me that I never hoover.

Either tell him to STFU or find his fault and mention that as often.

Please
or
to access all these features

CrochetIsCool · 18/10/2022 17:43

A - I also agree washing on early to maximise drying time. However what's stopping your DH putting the washer on while you sort the baby and you can peg it out later in the morning.
B - He is totally out of order.

Please
or
to access all these features

Inertia · 18/10/2022 17:47

Well he's obviously not working from home very hard if he's got time to keep appearing and criticising what you're doing, is he?

Please
or
to access all these features

WizardOfUK · 18/10/2022 17:48

A - feel free to do it yourself dh
B - daddy has told mummy she's got to do more housework and isn't allowed to spend time with you

Then I'd be telling him his behaviour is completely out of order, especially B

Please
or
to access all these features

BaggieMaggie · 18/10/2022 17:48

Washing needs to be out first thing if there any chance it will dry. It’s 18 degrees where I live today and I’ve had the clothes on the line since 7am and they still aren’t completely dry. I put my mach8ne on timer over night and hang them out first thing before I leave for work.

Everything else, he’s been a controlling arse. He shouldn’t be making passive aggressive comments to you at all, especially not in front of your child.

Please
or
to access all these features

Isaidnoalready · 18/10/2022 17:48

Wash in the evening and hang out first thing

Put down what your doing remove the baby from him and say you do it then

Please
or
to access all these features

TiddleyWink · 18/10/2022 17:49

This isn’t lighthearted or funny in any way - he sounds absolutely horrible. It’s so damaging for kids to be used as a pawn in this way, with a parent making snidely remarks to the child about the other parent poorly disguised as a ‘joke’ - he may be a baby now but he won’t be forever and crap like that will mess him up for life. I can’t quite work out your tone from your OP but please don’t laugh this off. Your husband is not a good, kind or fair man. Think on that.

Please
or
to access all these features

EndlessMagpies · 18/10/2022 17:49

Dear me - lol at all the people joining in and telling you when to do your laundry.

Please
or
to access all these features

StrictlyAmazing · 18/10/2022 17:50

If he’s unhappy with any aspect of you and what you do tell him to do things himself.

Please
or
to access all these features

DarkDarkNight · 18/10/2022 17:51

He’s an arse. I’m assuming as he’s WFH he’s using his break, lunch and the time he’s saving on the commute to pack a few chores in?

Please
or
to access all these features

Homewardbound2022 · 18/10/2022 17:53

"Ignore daddy. He's a complete wanker."

Please
or
to access all these features

Maray1967 · 18/10/2022 17:59

Oh dear. This one needs sorting out now.

Tell him straight: you do not get to tell me how and when I do the laundry.If you continue, you’ll be doing your own separately. And you do not get to make passive aggressive comments aimed at me to the baby. If you continue, our marriage is over.

Mine knows it would be a big mistake to talk to me like that.

Please
or
to access all these features

inheritanceshiteagain · 18/10/2022 18:03

mumof1or2 · 18/10/2022 17:40

Amazed that lots of people are agreeing about washing being done first thing in the morning! It's way too cold to hang things on the line outside, and if it's being hung on clothes dryers inside the house it can just stay there til it's dry. Who cares if it has to be left overnight?

No one is saying hang it out at 7am. Just put it in the machine by 8 and by 9.30 it can go out. If its good drying weather its sensible to put it out early. It often rains in the afternoon anyway, but by then its dry. Or wash the night before to hang out asap.

Please
or
to access all these features

inheritanceshiteagain · 18/10/2022 18:04

OP needs to get an attitude and challenge and knock down this shit before it gets hold.

Please
or
to access all these features
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Sign up to continue reading

Mumsnet's better when you're logged in. You can customise your experience and access way more features like messaging, watch and hide threads, voting and much more.

Already signed up?