To think my DH can’t have it both ways?

[SamanthaVimes]

DH has asked I do a bit more around the house now I’m on mat leave. Ok, fair enough BUT every time I’m doing a chore either

a) tells me I’m doing it wrong and criticises my way / timing (eg washing needs doing and I’ll get to it mid morning/lunch time but he thinks it should be first thing so it can be out on the line as long as possible whereas I’m timing it around DS’s feeds/naps/anything else I have planned for the day)

or

b) appears whilst I’m part way through and picks up the baby saying things like “oh, is Mummy ignoring you?” In a baby talk voice (obviously I don’t mind him picking up DS to stop him fussing but there’s always a comment iyswim)

He’s WFH full time and doing my head in!

I can either give full attention to the baby and get less done around the house but happier baby or DS can whinge a bit sometimes but more jobs get done

AIBU to tell him he can stop criticising or do it himself?

You're on maternity leave not housework leave. Your baby is the priority and if you can do some extra bits around the baby that's great, if not then he can do it.
If my DH had tried this when I was on mat leave he'd have been told to shove it!

When you go back to work he'll have to do his share, so start as you mean to go on. Don't fall into the trap of doing all baby and house stuff as it's likely to carry on when you're back.

Tell him its him that needs to step up. What an arse.

Yes ideally washing would be out first thing. But with a small baby it doesn't always work like that. By the time baby is fed, dressed, OP showered and fed, bag packed to go out, cats fed, dishwasher emptied, hoover run around, milk expressed, bottles washed and sterilised, sometimes the wet washing just slips my mind. Memory isn't always top notch when you've been awake half the night!
I think your husband needs to do a full day of childcare and then he'll see how little housework can get done in the day. And not just plonk baby in front of TV but actually engage and stimulate in playtime as I'm sure you do OP.

How many days has he done baby and housework solo?

I don't want him to be right but he kinda is right about the washing. Babies don't know the washing schedule though, and obviously kiddo comes first.

I'm in the north west and have put the washing out early in the morning for the last two days, having washed it the previous evening. Yesterday it was bone dry by mid afternoon and the previous day, very nearly dry.
That's the only thing he is right about IMO. Nip that in the bud.

Even if he is "right" about the laundry, unless he is actually doing it then why does it matter how the OP does it?

If they've agreed she will do all laundry, then as long as it's done, does it really fucking matter how it's done?

I don't care about posters' weather reports.

This is about how @SamanthaVimes's husband speaks to her and treats her. His regard for her is very poor.

Only on planet Mumsnet would someone say my DH thinks I need to hang the washing out earlier, and you get all these Stepford Wives chiming in that he's right

DH made a comment once about how I'd ironed a shirt. I've not washed or ironed anything of his since. Funnily enough, he learned a valuable lesson from it.

Guys he is not right about the laundry! He may be correct that it dries better if it's on the line first thing, but he's wrong that it's his wife's job to do this to his schedule (especially while she's taking primary responsibility for a very young baby).

If he wants it done at a time that doesn't suit her, he'll just have to be a big brave boy and do it himself before he starts work.

picks up the baby saying things like “oh, is Mummy ignoring you?” - this is a disgusting habit he's got into and it needs to stop. Have you told him how passive aggressive and upsetting this is? Tell him straight out to cut it out. Maybe he thinks it's funny or something.

Tell him he's free to put the washing machine on a timer, so it goes during the nightime cheap tariff, then it will be finished by 7am, just in time for him to peg it out before he starts work. While you are looking after and feeding your baby. And maybe even getting some sleep!

What a tosser. Sorry but I'd find it hard getting into bed next to him.

appears whilst I’m part way through and picks up the baby saying things like “oh, is Mummy ignoring you?” In a baby talk voice

Response: "No, Mummy thinks daddy should butt right out and get on with his own work"

Every time he attempts to micro manage, turn round with a big smile and say ‘sounds like you’ve got strong ideas on how to do this so I’ll leave you to it’ and wander off.

Life really is too short for this sort of rubbish. Put a firm lid on it before it becomes a habit. He should be building you up - not knocking you down with these mean, snarky little comments.

Leave the baby with him for a whole weekend while you go and have a break with a friend or relative.

I honestly think if he doesn't listen when you explain how much the "mummy ignoring you" thing pisses you off, next time he does it just say "Yes I am" and head out for a couple of hours. If he's going to mock the person who's taking the brunt of parenting THEIR child, he can fucking handle the work for a bit.

If he wants it out first thing he can hang it out. Next time he's passive aggressive tell him to fuck right off.

this 😂 baby is presumably too young to repeat that anytime soon !

I had exactly this same scenario. It boiled down to DP just simply not understanding what looking after a baby was like. I still like to quote the famous time he turned to me and said "the baby can just watch you do jobs!". I think I handed him the baby and told him to try it!

A) I agree with, especially in Winter as it needs to be drying for as long as possible

Then OP's husband can put it out on the line.

I can't believe you haven't already told him to cut it out.

I wouldn't respond in through baby talk, I would say "of course I'm not ignoring him, why would you say that? Andy why are you trying to talk to me through our son, it's very odd". My MIL used to do the talking through baby thing and it drove me crazy, it did take addressing her directly to make it stop (usually about mean mummy making him cry). of course, she claimed it was just a joke, but it did stop it dead.

If he wants the washing hung out at 8am, he's free to see to it.

You thank him and hand over the job and just walk away.
Your not cooking bacon right, hand him the spatula, tell him with a lovely smile, Thanks you can finish this.
Washing not on soon enough, message or say to him . I thought since your better at this than me you do it, Walk away,
Mummy ignoring you, smile say thank you, and i am going to get a bath, enjoy baby time Daddy,

I agree OP, no one likes a micro managing nit picker.

Indeed. What's stopping the DH putting the washing on first thing before he starts work if he is so concerned about getting it out in the line in good time.

I don't really get the "longer it's out for the longer is has to dry", I mean yes of course it does, but if you hang it up late then you just leave it indoors overnight 🤷🏼‍♀️ and sort it out when it's dry in the morning. Often I put a load of washing on at 8pm and hang it up in the kitchen.