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AIBU?

To think my DH can’t have it both ways?

176 replies

SamanthaVimes · 18/10/2022 17:21

DH has asked I do a bit more around the house now I’m on mat leave. Ok, fair enough BUT every time I’m doing a chore either

a) tells me I’m doing it wrong and criticises my way / timing (eg washing needs doing and I’ll get to it mid morning/lunch time but he thinks it should be first thing so it can be out on the line as long as possible whereas I’m timing it around DS’s feeds/naps/anything else I have planned for the day)

or

b) appears whilst I’m part way through and picks up the baby saying things like “oh, is Mummy ignoring you?” In a baby talk voice (obviously I don’t mind him picking up DS to stop him fussing but there’s always a comment iyswim)

He’s WFH full time and doing my head in!

I can either give full attention to the baby and get less done around the house but happier baby or DS can whinge a bit sometimes but more jobs get done

AIBU to tell him he can stop criticising or do it himself?

OP posts:
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Am I being unreasonable?

1551 votes. Final results.

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You are being unreasonable
3%
You are NOT being unreasonable
97%
washingbasketqueen · 18/10/2022 18:05

I would've hated my dh wfh when I was on mat leave. I loved my own wee routine with dc. Tell him to sod off.

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Blueblell · 18/10/2022 18:08

He needs to get a job that is not wfh

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Blueblell · 18/10/2022 18:08

So that you can enjoy your mat leave

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Mentalpiece · 18/10/2022 18:11

He works from home? Well then, I would be pulling up a chair in front of his computer and telling him how to do his job.
Along with a ' stop interfering with my job and I'll stop interfering with yours!'
Followed by a ' your not my blooming boss so shove it up your arse... sideways!'
Then sit down with a cuppa and ignore him.

On a side note, I was once painting the kitchen. He came in and tried giving me his manly advice.
He was most offended to find the paint laden roller being rolled straight up his front with a ' well blooming do it yourself then Mr Expert!'

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BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/10/2022 18:12

Why is he acting like your manager? Fuck that. At a time that suits, sit down and explain how this is making you feel.

When he is working he needs to be working- not micromanaging you. You don't tell him how to run his day so why does he get to tell you?

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roarfeckingroarr · 18/10/2022 18:14

Is he pulling more weight in terms of finances while you're on mat leave? If you're doing more housework, he should certainly be upping his contribution too.

Also - YANBU that would drive me nuts

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GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/10/2022 18:14

He is not your line manager. He needs to stop acting like it. Ideally, he should get back to the office if this is how he behaves.

It doesn’t matter who is right or wrong about the washing. It’s the fact he doesn’t get to tell you how and when to do it. Get a tumble dryer or a heated towel rail, and then it doesn’t matter.

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SallyWD · 18/10/2022 18:14

I must admit, now it's colder I do think it's important to put the washing out as early as you can... But yes, he sounds annoying.

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billy1966 · 18/10/2022 18:16

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Previously banned poster.

This.

OP, be very careful.
This is not a kind good man.

He's a controlling twat and quite nasty to boot, trying to undermine you.

This is not about washing.

This is about you realising you have had a child with a prick.

I see you are married.
Oh dear.
Go back to work FT and protect yourself.

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Colderthanever · 18/10/2022 18:16

Well,he shouldn’t comment but you lost me at full attention to the baby. Honestly you don’t need to spend every min entertaining your baby you’re making a rod for your own back there

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SoozyWoozy5 · 18/10/2022 18:17

A) I agree, get it done early for max drying time (i’m also in the south & still line drying outside)
B) Put him firmly in his place!

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Mojoj · 18/10/2022 18:18

Just down tools and see to you and your baby. See how long he lasts criticising you then.

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Mischance · 18/10/2022 18:20

I am very concerned that he uses your child to get at you, rather than having a direct conversation. And please do not retaliate in kind. I was that child being a go-between to my parents and having them use me to get at each other. It is hell. You must pull him up on it and put a stop to it. It is utter misery and totally sick.

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Hayliebells · 18/10/2022 18:23

Your DH sounds horrible. Sorry.

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WimbyAce · 18/10/2022 18:23

Sounds like he is more a hindrance than a help wfh!

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slowquickstep · 18/10/2022 18:27

He is an idiot but why the hell would you put washing out at lunchtime, as soon as baby is fed first thing you could hang the washing out.

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Dixiechickonhols · 18/10/2022 18:29

I’d definitely speak to him now. It’s not funny and is controlling and undermines you. He’s not your manager.
Can he go to office?
If not I’d make it clear you are on mat leave your job is to recover and care for baby. If you choose to do extra chores in that time that’s your decision.
Childish response is to drop to his level and go in with baby at random points and say has naughty daddy not done his report/spreadsheet yet or bang on door when he’s in loo and say he can’t poo it should have been done earlier.

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ambermorning · 18/10/2022 18:32

If he's WFH, take the baby into his office while he's on a call or something. When the baby starts crying, sweep back in with a faux concern - "Oooh is daddy ignoring you..,," Then suggest he gets all his calls done by some random time, say 11.23am.

Or just tell him he is "negging" and you see him for it. It is very unpleasant, manipulative and needs to stop.

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MeowMeowPowerRangers · 18/10/2022 18:34

1 - he's correct. It needs to be on the line long as possible whilst it's cold.

2 - he's an arse.

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BigFatLiar · 18/10/2022 18:36

Come on, are you really a man complaining about your wife criticising the way you do housework?

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Hugasauras · 18/10/2022 18:37

What a prick. But then I've never been interested in being a drudge on maternity leave. DH is capable of putting washes on and out and he's WFH so it's easy for him to do so. Some days we are out of the house all day anyway, so chores are shared between us just as they were when I was at work.

I never really understand why a dad's life seems to be expected to get easier when his partner is on maternity leave. If he's doing less of the chores then what is he doing more of than he was before?

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UWhatNow · 18/10/2022 18:39

He sounds insufferable - has he always been like this?

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Sestriere · 18/10/2022 18:42

mumof1or2 · 18/10/2022 17:40

Amazed that lots of people are agreeing about washing being done first thing in the morning! It's way too cold to hang things on the line outside, and if it's being hung on clothes dryers inside the house it can just stay there til it's dry. Who cares if it has to be left overnight?

It really isn’t. Until the energy crisis I only ever tumbled. I live in Yorkshire and hang out at 8:00 am even when it’s damp grey and the washing has dried every single day without fail. I bring it in around 4:00pm.

At the absolutely worst it’s been very slightly damp but when I’ve ironed it and hung it up on hangers it’s been bone dry and ready for putting away the next morning.

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JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 18/10/2022 18:43

I put my washing on the line at 8am, brought it in at 6pm, it's still not dry. I doubt if putting it out two hours later (10am) would actually have made any difference to the fact that it now has to be on an airer overnight. HIBU.

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MarthasMum30 · 18/10/2022 18:44

I refused to use naps as chore time and moved DD around room by room playing with whatever items were in there and safe.

Nap time is your time to have a cuppa and a sit down.

Seeing as he is WFH, can you implement and Daddy and DC lunch time walk every day and then another stroll after work?

He is being unreasonable - little ones are exhausting and he needs to pull his weight. Manage it early doors as if you do everything, you’re setting a precedent that is recipe for disaster.

❤️

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