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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Covid named and shamed

258 replies

Otterspotter13 · 18/10/2022 05:23

I’m a healthcare worker, returned to work after a week of sick leave due to Covid. Kids also recovered and back at school. At home partner was weakly positive on antigen test (he tested positive when myself and kids were at end of our 7 days isolation) but he has never had any symptoms. Kids had missed their swimming lessons last week when they were isolating with me. On the day of my return to work, partner who should be isolating brought them to their swimming lesson. He left them enter the building themselves so he himself wouldn’t have to go inside. But at collection time he entered building, wrapped their towels around each of them and quickly left with them, bringing them straight to car so they could change there. I was at work on a 13 hr shift wearing a sweaty ffp2 mask out of consideration for my colleagues. I checked my texts and there was a message on a 10 member girl group I’m on, naming and shaming my partner because one of them knew he was positive and saw him at pool collecting kids and not wearing a mask. He is not in this group to defend himself. I’m obviously angry with him for not wearing a mask and have told him off regarding this, he realizes he was in the wrong. He says he repeated the antigen and the line is barely visible, he doesn’t believe he has covid as he is asymptomatic. He was in and out in seconds. Not defending his actions but his mistakes are his and he is not me. Im a hardworking hcw who has always respected covid guidelines. However now I have to deal with his mistake on this toxic WhatsApp group, who are publicly naming him and giving out, like I’m not there or something. He isn’t on this group. I feel it is not appropriate and this person isn’t behaving like a friend should, calling him out like this. Our partners are friends. I feel that if she has a problem she should have contacted him directly or asked her partner to discuss with him. I feel that this woman, a real stickler for the covid rules, she wants to keep covid alive when really it should be buried along with the bloody antigen tests. I’m so over it. I want to leave this group now as I don’t want to participate in toxic behavior. Aibu?

OP posts:
lovelilies · 18/10/2022 05:25

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Ffsmakeitstop · 18/10/2022 05:29

Tell her he's not breaking any rules.

BagpussBagpussOldFatFurryCatpuss · 18/10/2022 05:30

This is very odd.
I was told to return to work as soon as I felt better regardless of what any test said.
Who has tests nowadays anyway?

TBH, I would tell the group that nobody tested positive in your household in swimming pool-gate day. Just to shut this woman up.

The rest of the group probably think she is bonkers.
Don’t worry OP.

Ekátn · 18/10/2022 05:32

She is a stickler for non existent rules?

Tell her to put a sock in it.

Iknowforsure1 · 18/10/2022 05:38

I would defend my partner and ask to not discuss your family in a group chat and emphasise that you did not break any rules or laws. I would seize any kind of relationship with this person apart from a professional one (are you colleagues?)

Mouthfulofquiz · 18/10/2022 05:42

yeah she is being a knob. I’d message back something like.
‘hi, thanks for sharing this with the group Sally. I wasn’t there, you have Bill’s number, I’ll ask him to wait for you call him now. Or shall we talk about it publicly on here? What exactly do you want out of this discussion?’

HRTQueen · 18/10/2022 05:58

With the numbers going up again we are going to see more of these twats they have absolutely loved the drama

just reply he hasn’t broken ant rules

and leave it at that

Taillighttoobright · 18/10/2022 06:02

Mouthfulofquiz · 18/10/2022 05:42

yeah she is being a knob. I’d message back something like.
‘hi, thanks for sharing this with the group Sally. I wasn’t there, you have Bill’s number, I’ll ask him to wait for you call him now. Or shall we talk about it publicly on here? What exactly do you want out of this discussion?’

Ooh, this this this ^

stayathomer · 18/10/2022 06:06

Sorry but I don’t think your ‘it’s not really a thing’ helps. If he hadn’t tested and didn’t know then fine, but he did. You said he was wrong but then gave out about it not being a thing. It is unfortunately, in the same way as if he had another transferable illness you should have just said ‘well we’ve no way of getting the kids to practice unfortunately.’ Don’t alienate yourself from the group by trying to defend, unfortunately they just want some drama. Stay in the group and say that his test didn’t show up a proper positive if you think it’ll help if not just don’t rise to her!

DragonMovie · 18/10/2022 06:10

Oh god all the covid stuff is so boring. I feel sorry for you OP. Is anyone actually joining in or is it just the one person who is doing most of the complaining on the group chat? Because if it’s just her I bet the others are silently thinking YAWN

Campervangirl · 18/10/2022 06:15

I hope you called her out on the group.
There are no rules now.
I'd shut that nonsense down right now.
She knows you're on the group and that you'll see her message, for that reason alone I'd call her out

YellowTreeHouse · 18/10/2022 06:21

I’d tell her to stop being a bitch. That it was not necessary for him to wear a mask, he could easily have stayed and watched the whole lesson if he wanted to.

He didn’t do anything wrong. There are no rules. He could be fully positive and wandering around with covid no issue, working too if he wanted to, and not have to feel guilty about doing so.

So I’d be telling her to get over herself because covid isn’t going anywhere and she needs to live with it.

user53852098 · 18/10/2022 06:24

The only people that might want to take a test are those who are being called for their booster as you have to leave it at least 4 weeks, I did a test for this reason, I had some of the free ones left over and had cold with a fever. I have got covid so will delay my booster now.

Suzi888 · 18/10/2022 06:35

Why test? What’s the point of knowing….
There is no need to isolate.

However I wouldn’t test, tell everyone I was positive and then go out. It incites hatred.

autienotnaughty · 18/10/2022 06:35

I would say on the group "thanks for the concern but we are all testing negative now" then I'd probably leave the group.

girlmom21 · 18/10/2022 06:37

Tell her he's done nothing wrong being there and he stayed away from the lesson out of courtesy.

Tell her if she's got a problem with someone it's much more rational to speak to them directly than try to publicly embarrass them.

MarmiRae · 18/10/2022 06:40

That girl in the group is vile. I had covid recently (MH Nurse) and I would wear a mask when seeing patients or popping into the shop. All 4 of my DC had covid but all they had was a headache. I didn’t make them isolate nor did they wear masks - they didn’t go into shops but they were out in the fields playing with other kids who also had covid / parents were aware. I think we have to move with the times - yes, wear a mask if you have covid out of curtesy for others with weakened immunity, but we can’t bring the world to a standstill again.

What that woman did is prat-ish. Your DH did nothing illegal. She is just trying to cause uproar where there shouldn’t be any.

walkingonsunshinekat · 18/10/2022 06:42

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

As a "nurse" you should perhaps know better than to come out with stuff that is rubbish.

NHS/Gov.uk website clearly state you (in a patient facing role) have to isolate for 5 days and have 2 negative tests before returning to work, symptoms or not.

The rest of us do not have to do this.

user53852098 · 18/10/2022 06:43

It's not like it's even that bad, I'm in my mid 60s and it is just the same as a feverish cold which I have had a few of in my life, in fact as I know I had it it probably means that I needn't bother with the booster now. The mistake is telling people, I certainly wouldn't tell anyone I knew that I had even been ill

youhadmeatsausageroll · 18/10/2022 06:47

Lost some “friends” in a very similar situation OP - some people have absolutely nothing better to do in their lives. I called them out at the time but wish I hadn’t. Nothing you will say will change this person’s mind I bet, people like this think they know and are better than everyone else.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/10/2022 06:48

autienotnaughty · 18/10/2022 06:35

I would say on the group "thanks for the concern but we are all testing negative now" then I'd probably leave the group.

How awful. The retort should be as above. I would add at the start. ‘I checked with dp after my 13 hour shift on the frontline….’ I wouldn’t leave the group though.

JenniferBarkley · 18/10/2022 06:49

Based on OP's use of antigen test and giving out, I think she might be in Ireland whether I think self isolation is still recommended but not required (very much open to correction on all of this).

I would just reply along the lines of "Sarah I don't appreciate you slagging John off on a group thread like this. He tested negative before leaving the house and had been asymptomatic all along. He went above and beyond by testing at all, there was no requirement for him to do so. His decisions are his to make but I have no issue with them and nor do the official covid guidelines."

Well. Probably best to ignore in truth, but I wouldn't blame you for replying.

IntegrityisDead · 18/10/2022 06:51

597 people died within 28 days of a +ve Covid test last week. (Current government unit of measurement).

CEV people remain CEV.

My local NHS regional hospital has two wards full of ill Covid patients. Staff are all masked again when working with patients.

Mt (massive) employer requires people to test if they have any of the symptoms and, if positive, isolate for 5 days before returning (if well).

It is potentially a real problem as the weather gets colder, especially with a nasty flu variant rampant this year.

I get it's frustrating for the invulnerable and the non-believers but wearing a mask hardly equates to sacrificing your first-born!!

YA both BU and unfair to your children.

Isaidnoalready · 18/10/2022 06:52

How did she know he was positive?

Darbs76 · 18/10/2022 06:52

There are no rules and if she thinks everyone around her is testing and isolating until negative then she’s having a laugh