Covid named and shamed

[Otterspotter13]

I’m a healthcare worker, returned to work after a week of sick leave due to Covid. Kids also recovered and back at school. At home partner was weakly positive on antigen test (he tested positive when myself and kids were at end of our 7 days isolation) but he has never had any symptoms. Kids had missed their swimming lessons last week when they were isolating with me. On the day of my return to work, partner who should be isolating brought them to their swimming lesson. He left them enter the building themselves so he himself wouldn’t have to go inside. But at collection time he entered building, wrapped their towels around each of them and quickly left with them, bringing them straight to car so they could change there. I was at work on a 13 hr shift wearing a sweaty ffp2 mask out of consideration for my colleagues. I checked my texts and there was a message on a 10 member girl group I’m on, naming and shaming my partner because one of them knew he was positive and saw him at pool collecting kids and not wearing a mask. He is not in this group to defend himself. I’m obviously angry with him for not wearing a mask and have told him off regarding this, he realizes he was in the wrong. He says he repeated the antigen and the line is barely visible, he doesn’t believe he has covid as he is asymptomatic. He was in and out in seconds. Not defending his actions but his mistakes are his and he is not me. Im a hardworking hcw who has always respected covid guidelines. However now I have to deal with his mistake on this toxic WhatsApp group, who are publicly naming him and giving out, like I’m not there or something. He isn’t on this group. I feel it is not appropriate and this person isn’t behaving like a friend should, calling him out like this. Our partners are friends. I feel that if she has a problem she should have contacted him directly or asked her partner to discuss with him. I feel that this woman, a real stickler for the covid rules, she wants to keep covid alive when really it should be buried along with the bloody antigen tests. I’m so over it. I want to leave this group now as I don’t want to participate in toxic behavior. Aibu?

I just don’t test anymore. No one I know tests anymore.

Sounds like it's time to bin off this WhatsApp group if this sort of BURN HIIIIIMMMM stuff is how they go about life, OP

We are supposed to stay home if positive for 5 days. Somehow people have decided you don’t have to do anything anymore.

But there are no COVID restrictions anymore... so what was this cow complaining about? Call her out on it, please!

Kids are more likely to carry it than anyone else anyway.

I have one test left in the cupboard. Only because a friend's Dad is severely vulnerable (has a brain tumour) and might need help.

I don't think OP is in UK as she mentioned 7 days isolation

What like sticking to the guidelines?

Look. You may think it's like a mild case of sniffles, others have other experiences. Guidelines are just that. I had really hoped when this all kicked off and i saw the community spirit, that we might be getting more towards having a bit of respect and consideration for our fellow people. Apparently not.

If you have a communicable disease and you go places, and people know you have it, then you need to be prepared for them to say something. The fact that the OP is up in arms tells me she knows it was at least a bit of a dick move.

FWIW i know that people behave like knobs doing many different things that have actual laws about them (driving is a prime example, as is parking). So in know that if there are only vague guidelines, people will ignore them. So i don't get close to people, i wear a mask on public transport (law where i am anyway, but i was in UK recently and did that with no issues or "looks" or whatever) and in crowds. So in the other parents' shoes? I'd have been masked up, probably.

Again: flu can be fatal. Why do you think there is such a massive campaign every year, not just in UK, to get people vaccinated? It is obviously cost effective or governments wouldn't do it.

The major point here is: if you know how people are, after 2 years of this, why tell them you're positive and then just waltz around anyway? I hate to "victim" blame but there it is.

We are supposed to stay home if positive for 5 days

No, you're supposed to try and 'avoid people' if you have symptoms. It's all in the wording...

www.nhs.uk/conditions/coronavirus-covid-19/self-isolation-and-treatment/when-to-self-isolate-and-what-to-do/

A lot of people are wearing masks and that is probably quite sensible if you are a little bit nervous of catching it or anything else as you cannot expect strangers to be constantly thinking about you all the while.

Exactly what I am thinking. Friends/colleagues don't need to know everything to spread to others who will judge you.

I’d reply stating that he was actually negative, and let her know that slander is an of fence punishable in court.

also trying to sue the woman in the WhatsApp group for slander - you'd have to prove that he wasn't positive. Since in the OP it states there was a line, and they'd told other people he was positive (daft move) good luck with that.

But ho hum. Cases are on the increase, and it does seem flu-like in all the variants that keep on coming, so we have to learn to live with it.

But what does that look like? for me it would be trying not to spread illness - so if you have a cough: wear a mask, cough into your elbow. etc etc. Not waltz around as though nothing is up.

I do think some people are still overreacting though. And that is irritating.

To clarify Yes I do test (if I have symptoms ) but none of my family do

And the wordings says try to stay at home

“What to do if you've tested positive for COVID-19

If you have COVID-19, you can pass on the virus to other people for up to 10 days from when your infection starts. Many people will no longer be infectious to others after 5 days.

You should:

try to stay at home and avoid contact with other people for 5 days

avoiding meeting people at higher risk from COVID-19 for 10 days, especially if their immune system means they’re at higher risk of serious illness from COVID-19, even if they’ve had a COVID-19 vaccine
This starts from the day after you did the test”

I’m in two minds.
if this is living with covid. This is living with covid. Few people are actually testing anymore, and if you do test positive what are the implications now?
however it doesn’t sit right with me.

we are in a weird limbo and people are still getting their head round it.

@User1275936 that says avoid close contact with people, it says "avoid" not "do not".

Again most people, including myself are not testing so it's a mute point anyway.

I would say “Look, he’s not in the group to defend himself, so I’d appreciate any concerns directed to him, and not discussed behind his back.”

At my work( school ) we have to test if symptoms and isolate for 5 days.

Fwiw I think he should have put on a mask, but I also don’t. Agree with speaking behind people’s backs, especially if it’s in front of their partner. He’s not you. You’re separate people.

In answer to the OP’s one and only post on Mumsnet: YANBU to leave a WhatsApp group for whatever reason you want.

YABU, however, to expect her DH to take it up with you DP direct. This isn’t done 18th century duel but someone calling out the DP for his behaviour (rightly or wrongly)

If avoid means go ahead in some peoples minds, I don’t know where we are headed.

Few people are actually testing anymore, and if you do test positive what are the implications now?

since we don't test for flu and do pass it around if we're asymptomatic - and people don't test for covid and ditto, perhaps what we need to do is rethink some of what we do in our daily lives?

Handwashing and not touching our faces after touching things outside until we have?
Coughing into the crook of the elbow (has been taught in German kindergarten for at least the last 25 years)
Not shaking hands?
wearing a mask when we are ill but not bedridden?
Not standing too close to people unless it really can't be avoided?

None of those things seems particularly difficult?

Ignorance is bliss. I’d be annoyed if I know someone is positive and mixing.

21 months ago I used to pile three grandchildren into a wheelbarrow and race around our field with them. I had mild Covid which has become Long Covid. Now I'm one of those with appointments with the respiratory clinic. There's over a million of us who can't walk to the bus stop or the length of the shopping mall. Yes. Life has to get back to as normal as possible, but to deliberately go into an enclosed space without a mask, while testing positive, will leave the virus in the air and may result in someone getting LC. And there are plenty of LC sufferers a whole lot younger than me who are bed bound. It's like someone speeding through a village at night time. Most of the time it doesn't result in any problems - but occasionally it's catastrophic for someone. So no responsible person does it, do they?

@Brefugee I’ve not heard of asymptomatic flu. Same goes for colds, don’t go to work!

This!

Honestly, I can't even believe COVID is still a talking point. This is no requirement to test/isolate. He could have gone in for a swim & sauna if he wanted.