What’s a subtle sign that a person is a good person?

[YouAreNotBatman]

As in you can just tell they are good people in an average situation.

OP, this is a great question, and so difficult to pinpoint an answer!

Very much agree with the idea that the person will be true to their moral compass even when no-one is watching.

And I admire a person who is funny without it being at someone else's expense. Or if they are making fun of someone they do it in a way that the 'target' also finds genuinely funny. I think this is a skill that only a decent person can master, a nasty person's mask will always slip eventually.

I think when someone is able to see their own flaws and take responsibility for mistakes they make. That is actually a very rare trait, I've found.

Surely all of us are a mix of good and not so good? I think I am overall a pretty decent human being but sometimes I put myself first and sometimes I am irritable and sometimes things make me feel angry. Surely we are nearly all like this?
i don’t think to be a ‘good’ person you need to be at your best in all situations at all times.
Even the lovely Rabbi Lionel Blue admitted to being less generous and more cantankerous when he was in a bad mood.

It is a fascinating concept. I think of it like scales based on actions harmful and helpful. But is also more nuanced than that for example enabling addictions might feel helpful but are harmful in the long run. It is complicated but definitely worth pondering. Also how much good would outweigh harm? And does it ever without accountability? As others have said, Saville raised millions for charity but we all agree he wasn't a good person. It's not black and white no, but that doesn't mean we're all much of a muchness. We think that at ours and others peril.

Yes but the OP was asking for subtle signs, not grand gestures.

That's why the friends thing is such a good sign. Having a group of good people as friends, including old friends. It's a subtle but effective sign that the person has good judgement and clear values, and boundaries.

Thought I was a pretty good person but obviously not because I eat meat......

Complimenting people behind their backs.

Also, those who come down strongly and FAIRLY in difficult situations. I've had two managers who think they're all nicey nicey, but really, their inability to be clear and fair to all parties means more stress for everyone. Including being really sympathetic to whoever they think is the injured party, whn actually those people have been the one causing the problems.

Leads to a nasty culture, which is quite unkind in itself.

My husband's best friend actually calls him out on things, and it's beautiful. Not big infractions, but they have the kind of relationship where that's normal. At our wedding, he came up to me and asked if there was anything he could talk about in particular with my parents to make them welcome etc. Lovely man.

In fact, anyone who treats my mum well is a good sign - she's had a lot of trauma and MH issues and frankly is difficult as fuck. But she's fundamentally harmless. Anyone who I can see has understood her behaviour is a result of difficulties, and treats her with gentle attention, is good in my book.

My husband, one of my male friends, my cousin and their MP all score well there.

You know this is an interesting comment that’s opened my eyes a lot. My sister and I don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things. One of the biggest issues was her husband. I was not blatantly rude to him when they were dating but I did try to point out some red flags but my sister was constantly defending him saying he was just socially awkward, had a hard childhood, needed emotional support yada yada yada. Always excuses. But when he was unkind to her it was always her fault. He turned out to be very abusive. They are now divorced. I never thought about the fact that this could be applied on a much wider scale.

My sister was always big about being kind to others but she without realizing it set herself up to be a very passive aggressive personality because she would always put herself last in the name of being “nice” and she would whittle herself down to the last straw and then end up blowing up over something completely unrelated six months later and just unload everything that has been annoying her about you for the last few months. Which would not only be confusing but also frustrating and feel very unfair.

It’s not kind to not confront others or to allow transgressions to pass. She thinks ignoring things will make them go away but instead they just pile up like snow.

But when I think of how she is a nurse in charge of vulnerable people with questionable judgement like this. How does she handle the really complex issues when it is not “clear” in her mind who is lying and who is telling the truth?

What happens when people like this are in charge of tenants, or when they are a police officer or a politician? Very interesting.

Sorry for rambling. Thanks for reading my shower thoughts. 😂

It's a shit show, is what happens!

Couple of examples:

Boss 1: Staff member had alcohol issues. Racially abused a member of public whilst drunk on company time during their probation. The disciplinary? Ended in a hug. Because they were sooooo understanding and empathetic. Staff member continued to be a problem. Any disciplinary actions repeatedly blocked because boss was being "understanding". Eventually, staff member came under my line management. Had to fire them for gross misconduct, and got given hell from the boss for not ignoring all policies, the impact of their behaviour and the fucking law.

Boss 1 (again): Was line manager of the line manager of the rest of the team. Team manager had anger issues and played favourites. But... He was continually undermined by the boss on his decisions. He might have made a decent manager if left to it, but became frustrated, which made him even more of a douche. Ended up with toxic atmosphere where people yelled at each other with impunity.

Boss 2: Manager has been on receiving end of pass agg behaviour and refusal from one of her managees. I've witnessed that myself. Line managee quits, and boss apologises for everything and begs them to stay, even though all the manager was only asking the managee to comply with basic standards. Manager now stressed, undermined and demotivated.

Tbh, soft management makes me so mad, because I have tonnes of experience of it causing havoc, and making people second guess themselves, and say, "well, x is a nice guy...". But I find it mega bullshit, because I find these types gravitate to those that they THINK need the most support, and ONLY them. They never look at the bigger picture, and be fair. A nice environment is a benefit to everyone.

Actually I appear to do this. It's because I have ADHD and worry I'm boring the person I'm talking to. Am I good person?! Probably not but not for that reason 🤣

I just have a downturned mouth from years of frustrated computer face. Hope that doesn't rule me out.

They like dogs.