am I being unreasonable to think she's an absolute ****

[ooominn]

This happened yesterday but I'm still so angry about it.

I asked my ex about a week ago if he was alright with me going to work Sunday night as overtime (not usually his night with the kids but he said it was fine). We don't speak much unless about the kids (7&9) so hadn't really said anything else about it.

Came to drop them off on the way last night and he wasn't in. Tried ringing he wasn't answering then got some rushed reply saying he was at work and he'd forgotten and that I should have reminded him.

His wife's car was on the drive and the lights were on so tried knocking and ringing her, firstly she pretended to not hear the door or miraculously any of our calls and then when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them.

I had to go home in the end and cancel my shift at short notice fucking over my boss and colleagues.

I'm so annoyed though and want to message her asking what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

WIBU to message her? AIBU to be mad? Or is it just nothing to do with her as she said last night.

My ex said afterwards she was tired lol.

You're mad at the wrong person OP. It's your ex partner who is to blame not her.

Your ex likely heard but though wifey can sort that out. Then she told him where to go.

It’s not really her who is at fault at all.

She was unreasonable. And so was he (more so). Poor kids having to be turned away like that.

Tbh I'd be messaging your ex and telling him it's not on to put his wife in the position where she's having to turn the kids away. He's a grown man with a smart phone presumably. It's not hard for him to make sure he is there when agreed.

To hide in the house and not even have a conversation with you was out of order. How do the poor kids feel being ignored like that?

It's perfectly reasonable. There's no need for her to ever have to speak to anyone just because they are outside her door.

You have to feel for the children in this. Their Mum raging on the doorstep. Their Dad forgot about them. Their stepmum refusing to open the door and let them in.

All round bit of a shit show by all the adults involved.

Yeah, she doesn’t technically have to let them in, but they’re children and that’s meant to be their other home. Instead they’ve been booted out, left unable to go ‘home’. Their shared home. That’s awful.

My partner has stepped up in innumerable ways for my DD, while never overstepping boundaries- he’s not a stepdad- he loves me, and I love her, and she is a good kid. He’d never close the door on us if we needed him. Because he’s a good person. Heck, if my single parent neighbour knocked on my door and said her care arrangements had fallen through could I babysit while her kid slept I’d say yes, because single parenting is hard enough already without making it harder.

@LemonDrop22

Some of us wouldn't treat a neighbour or acquaintance like that, let alone our partners kids.

Some of the people on this site ......

Wtaf.

Totally agree! They are her step children! Unless the OP is leaving out the bit where she drops them round unannounced every week, the step mum has behaved dreadfully. I can't imagine a partner of mine behaving like this and not allowing my children into my house, even if I did totally F up!

Poor kids. Their stepmum was inside their home with their sister and refused to let them in because the Dad wasn’t there. However much their Dad is in the wrong here, the kids will remember stepmum refusing them entry. I’d be pissed off with her too. I think of all the times my stepdad must have been “tired” but never made me feel like I was none of his business/ unwelcome at home,

Absolutely shocking. I’d be worried about the fact this woman who is supposed to be your kids step mother could not do you this favour.

cruel, cold and a lack of regard for the children!

I feel very sad that they knew she was in there but wouldn’t open the door

shameful

This. But most of all their father was an arsehole

Completely agree.

As a step child myself I always hate seeing threads like this and the coldness towards the children in these situations.
When you get in to a relationship with someone who has children you have to accept that you’re not just in a relationship with that individual person, but their children as well (and sometimes their ex partner too!).
I think you’re right to be annoyed at both of them OP for two separate things. Him for not being there when he said he would and her for turning your children away in a time of need.
Had my step dad done that to me as a child my mum would’ve told him where to go - we came as a package, or not at all.

So she'd already told your ex that she wouldn't have them - that's the end of her involvement in this situation. She might have been in the bath with a glass of wine, looking forward to a quiet night. The fact she didn't answer the door tells me that this kind of thing has happened before? She has done nothing wrong here, your anger is misplaced.

People say step parents get a hard time on MN. It doesn’t seem like that to me with everyone saying this one’s behaviour was perfectly reasonable. So she doesn’t technically have to agree to it but surely it’s just decent to treat your partners children nicely and expect to put yourself out for them a bit, unless you really can’t stand your partner.

Some of these replies are baffling. Yea she’s not ultimately responsible, but she married a man with children and any half decent human being would either take them in or explain clearly why that’s not possible (other commitments). She’s a bitch for not doing it. Ultimately it is his fault, but fuck me I hope your kids don’t have to spend much time with a woman who can treat them and their mum with such utter contempt.

(caveat - unless this happens a lot or you are a twat to her.)

How old is the little sister? If the step mum has spent all day with a baby/toddler and just managed to get her settled in bed when you turned up at the door I can kind of see where she's coming from. Your children's dad is the one who fucked up here.

I’m wondering how she said this? In a neutral way or an annoyed way? What did she actually say to you?

Christ there really are some incrediblly awful beings one here! Wicked stepmothers ! - She was unreasonable.

Be mad at both of them. When you take on someone with kids, you take the kids on.

I hate these posts by step mums saying they don't see why they should ABC. Yes I agree if you've been dumped in it by their father - you've got stuff planed etc, but fgs they are children and this shit hurts them.

OP you are definitely not being unreasonable. Your ex is a dickhead, how can he forget about his children?

I hope your employer is OK about it all

My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

But it’s not him you’re calling a cunt, is it, OP? It’s her.

Based on the way you talk about her, I suspect you’ve expected her to parent your children before and she has your measure now.

And it’s irrelevant that he is her husband, he procreated with YOU, it should be HIM alone you should be angry with.

I should have reminded him

He's the fucking problem here.

Your kids are NOT her responsibility.

I’m sure we had a very similar post by the step mum a couple of weeks ago. Seems there are plenty of Lyn who are happy to do their ex a favour as long as it’s their wife who has to accommodate it… The women who are being used like this are usually told to make sure they don’t accept responsibility for things the kids dad has offered to do. The only way to do that is to put your foot down.

You don’t mention calling your ex, only his wife. Why is that?

Is the stepmum the woman who posted earlier today about her husband expecting her to look after his kids on her week off while he fucks off to work?!!