am I being unreasonable to think she's an absolute ****

[ooominn]

This happened yesterday but I'm still so angry about it.

I asked my ex about a week ago if he was alright with me going to work Sunday night as overtime (not usually his night with the kids but he said it was fine). We don't speak much unless about the kids (7&9) so hadn't really said anything else about it.

Came to drop them off on the way last night and he wasn't in. Tried ringing he wasn't answering then got some rushed reply saying he was at work and he'd forgotten and that I should have reminded him.

His wife's car was on the drive and the lights were on so tried knocking and ringing her, firstly she pretended to not hear the door or miraculously any of our calls and then when I finally got hold of her she said ex hadn't mentioned anything and refused to have them.

I had to go home in the end and cancel my shift at short notice fucking over my boss and colleagues.

I'm so annoyed though and want to message her asking what kind of step mother would refuse to let her stepkids in when they were on the door step. My ex is a POS too in this situation I know but seriously why wouldn't you just agree to let them in for the night considering it was her husband who fucked up??

WIBU to message her? AIBU to be mad? Or is it just nothing to do with her as she said last night.

My ex said afterwards she was tired lol.

am I being unreasonable to think HE'S an absolute

Fixed the title.

I am aghast at the number of people on here saying 'they are not her kids. not her problem.' Seriously WTF. Yeah, technically they aren't. But she married him, knowing he has kids and that they are in his life. If you marry someone with kids, you are marrying into a family that already exists and the responsibilities/issues/crap that come with that. I cannot believe she didn't answer the door to let the kids in. I cannot believe that people think this is acceptable and normal behavior. It is not beyond the realms of possibility that he forgot to tell her, and she can take that up with him. He agreed to look after them. That is all that matters. YANBU.

I just don’t understand what kind of person does this. Any partner that refused to let my kids in the house under these circumstances would no longer be my partner.

Maybe she's fed up with being used as free childcare. Yes, your ex agreed to have the kids but why wasn't he in then? It's easy to agree to things if actually what you're doing is volunteering other people's time, not your own. If he continues this way, he'll probably be her ex as well soon enough.

Yep, this. It's quite obvious that she might have her own issues with DH and need to stand up for herself.

She doesn’t have to justify herself to you. Her time is not yours to plan. Speak to your ex husband and stop taking your anger out on his wife.

I bet she really enjoyed doing that to you. ohhh she's tired. My heart bleeds. Nasty piece of work.
Yes, it was 100% your ex's fault, but sometimes in a marriage it's about bailing your husband's ass out.

Well she's a cunt. And now you know that, and more importantly so do your kids.

Your ex is to blame (and you for not reminding him) Why would a grown man need reminding that he was supppsed to have his children? It's amazing these men can hold down jobs and even reschedule things to suit work, but apparently can't reschedule things for their children unless a woman reminds them. He clearly has a phone, he can set a reminder, or multiple if his memory is that bad.

She didn’t have plans to have a fun night out she was going to WORK. They should both be cross with the ex but the SM’s behaviour was absolutely appalling.

@tiredofthiisshit21 the situation is that your dh agreed to do something so would you not call them and ask have you agreed xyz and if so where are you , then potentially look after kids until they got back so there mum could go to work
Then speak to your dh later rather than 2 kids on the doorstep who then get turned awAy
Their feelings should be taken into account
If a step dad doesn't help its all ltb on here but not the other way

Tough that's between the children's parents. SM isn't childcare so the parents can work. She might have been working on her only fans or something .

So. Doesn’t matter. OP's work does not trump SM's free time. Its irrelevant.

@NewYorkLassie yes exactly that

I really hope you aren’t a step parent.

I am a step parent. We don't ever have this issue as my DH is a responsible parent who has never had to rely on me without first agreeing it with me.

Any decent person would’ve let the kids in - how shit must they have felt? You’re not unreasonable op.

@sandytooth she also has show the kids there not welcome
They were stood there and turned away , as an adult surely you put kids feelings first
I would never be with a partner that would treat my kids like that, as long as its not all the time and a one off surely you help out your dh and not make kids fell unwanted or forgotten

It’s not her job to have the kids, especially if she hadn’t been asked in advance.

Yes she could have answered the door and told you straight away, but she had no obligation to take over care of your (joint with ex) children.

He is very wrong for agreeing to have the kids and then “forgetting” and going out though. Your beef is with him, not her.

I think a man who behaves like an adult and doesn’t foist his children on the nearest woman is outside their understanding.

Sickening on his wife's part. My best friend became a bonus mum to her partner's 2 year old daughter.
I can say this as she has been my BF since the age of 4 but she is incredibly selfish, crazy about her looks (an only child as well) we were all astonished when she met her partner who came with a kid - and he had 50% custody, very hands on dad.
Anyway, I remember her telling me and a group of our mates whilst drinking one night that she had fell in love with both him and his daughter and she couldnt accept one without the other ❤
Those words really stayed with me.....BASICALLY, Dont start a relationship if you arent going to welcome your future stepdaughter/son and treat them like you would your own!!

What a horrible woman!!!
The only posters who are disagreeing with the op must be selfish step mums themselves who obviously arent going to last with their dps

PS I do not have step children, but my children have a step mum.

Can’t actually believe the response to this, grown ups put the kids first, end of. They were both dicks but she could have helped at the time and chose not to. She could have taken up her issue with their dad, but not impacted the kids. When you marry someone with kids, they’re part of the deal. Shocking.

@Obki I think an adult who can't put a childs feelings first should really think about wether to marry someone with children
It sounds like a one off , who wouldn't help a partner in this case or stand their and ignore 2 kids

Wow! You’re so cool & edgy, unlike all the other women!

It boils back to the fact the children were waiting to enter their father & step mothers house and got turned away (whatever choices/mistakes/incompetency by the husband lead to that point). I think that level of hurt and confusion the children will have experienced is beyond your understanding!