How often do you have fights with your other half?

[bookworm1982]

I'm talking like shouting in each other's faces. My husband and I have been together for twenty years. We seem to do it a few times a year. Otherwise we get on well. He thinks it's normal. Is it?

To be honest, I can get really mad and have definitely raised my voice/shouted. Not in his face no.

He definitely argues but he's more of a sulky type of angry. I get really mad, then I calm down.

I actually don't like this about myself. It's the thing I like least. I do feel grateful that I am extremely patient with my DD though, I do not shout at her ever.

I'm not sure how often we argue, I do think a lot of our arguments are down to misunderstanding and my having problems controlling how I feel.

Like last night, my DD was ripping my hair out of my head, I asked my DP to please help and it was very painful. He just stood there. I was on the floor trying to pick up some of her toys. And on the third time she grabbed my hair she got the little baby hairs and it really hurt so I shouted "oooowwww" and he said to me "don't be so loud, she right next to you"

And I just got really annoyed. I do so much for him and for her, I always put myself last and to criticise me for shouting out in pain when he wasn't even helping. He just stood there.

Anyway, some people I'm sure that wouldn't have phased them but I was really upset and told him to "f off and not to speak to me unless it was to apologise" then I got up and carried on making us all dinner. Eventually I calmed down and let it go.

This is the equivalent of a what do you eat thread where everyone eats less that 1500 calories and only quinoa

Utterly devoid of any relation to realty.

It's devoid of reality to think people don't scream in each others faces??

@SleepingStandingUp

Its devoid of reality to think its the norm to never ever ever disagree or argue.

The vast majority of relationships end in break ups/divorce.

of course people fight.

Of course its not unhealthy to argue in a relationship

That wasn’t what the OP was asking though, was it. She asked how often, and whether it was normal, other people had fights with their OH which involved shouting in each other’s faces. The responses here are answering that specific question, not whether they never ever disagree.

@ComtesseDeSpair

No they weren't.

Plenty said they never argued and that it wasn't normal to argue

At least 1 suggested no one should ever settle for a relationship with any disagreement

Never. We get cross and snappy and argue. But I don't see why people can't get their point across without shouting, it isnt a case of the more someone shouts, the more likely they are to win an argument

I’ve been with my husband over twenty years and only once in that time have we had a “shouting in each other’s faces” stand up row.

We genuinely rarely argue. Maybe once or twice a year we’ll have a disagreement but that’s honestly it. One of our strengths, I feel, is that we always take each other into consideration, neither of us “needs” to win any disagreements, we’re champions of compromise and, frankly, we love each other too much to want to make the other unhappy!

Never. Not even raised voices with each other in 22 years. Passive aggressive comments do happen occasionally, though.

Together nearly 40 years, and the answer to your question is never.
Why would you want a partner, or why would you want to be the sort of partner, who can't talk reasonably about differences of opinion, compromise where necessary or walk away to cool down if things look like getting heated?

@5foot5

I strongly disagree with this but I guess it does depend on the type of person you are and if it works for you. When it comes to conflict it seems you are either the type of person who agrees with the good blow out theory or you are the type of person who absolutely hates it. If you try to force someone who hates it in to a shouty row then it won't solve anything, just make it worse

After reading the rest of OPs posts and thinking a little bit more about how she phrased the first one I wouldn't have posted that.

You're are right. I don't think blanket statements work. I am comfortable with open conflict and dont have an issue if it turns shouty as is DH. If one of us didn't like it (beyond the normal way nobody likes conflict) it wouldn't be okay.