How often do you have fights with your other half?

[bookworm1982]

I'm talking like shouting in each other's faces. My husband and I have been together for twenty years. We seem to do it a few times a year. Otherwise we get on well. He thinks it's normal. Is it?

Never. We've had arguments with raised voices but they've been very rare and DH usually storms out to cool down.

If any man shouted in my face he would be an ex.

Agree. I feel for women who have been fed the “every couple argues and shouts and swears at each other sometimes, people who say they don’t are lying or weird” bullshit. Why would I stay in a relationship with somebody who I disagreed with often, let alone where we had so little respect for each other that we thought shouting in each other’s faces was acceptable? If DH and I had such differences of opinion or outlook that we were regularly arguing about them, I’d leave. There are no prizes given out at the end of your life for trying to make a relationship work when you’re really just fundamentally incompatible. I didn’t grow up in an volatile or aggressive argument prone home, so I don’t see it as “just one of those things couples do.”

If my husband screamed in my face and there was no medical underlying reason for it he would find himself divorced. I would suspect he would say the same about me if I did the same. We do have disagreements but it has never got to the point of screaming, shouting or swearing at each other. I can't imagine treating someone you love like that.

Never.

I was brought up in a household where my mother was verbally abusive. I vowed never to be like her.

Never. My DH sometimes loses his temper but I never shout back - I immediately leave the room until he's calmed down. So it never becomes a row.

DH and I have been together for 11 years and we have had one instance near the beginning where we both shouted at each other, I told him to F Off and stormed out the house. It was unacceptable really from both of us and we agreed never to let it happen again. So far it hasn't and although we disagree and may get annoyed with another we don't let it escalate to shouting. One of us tends to go to another room to calm down and then we discuss it.

DH and I both grew up in houses where we can vividly remember our parents shouting at one another, for him it was regularly for me my parents only shouted at each other occasionally but I still remember it and hated it. I didn't want DDs growing up in an environment where their parents were shouting at one another, even rarely.

I think it's normal but it's not good or okay.
I've had lots of rows like this with my husband down to myself as that's how I was brought up. He's shouted at me a handful of times and we're working together to never row again. We've not rowed in a while but I don't think rows are healthy.

I think talking things out is healthy but end of the day losing your temper is never healthy is it.

People say 'rows are good to clear the air' you can clear the air without rowing so rows are not good, clearing the air is what is good.

I would say 3/4 times a year. Happened this weekend. Started sat morning over something stupid & escalated to a full on row. Ignored each other for the rest of the day. Both apologized Sunday morning.

Never. Been together 23 years. I would leave him if he did that to me, and I would expect him to do the same. That’s not to say we don’t disagree on things, but we talk! Aggression within our home is a huge no for both of us.

Why does it escalate that way for you? How?

I'm talking like shouting in each other's faces

Never. I couldn't live like that.
Don't get me wrong. We disagree about things. More so when money was very tight, and more so when we were sleep deprived when the dc were little, but that is no way to resolve anything.

Once a month???? Used to be loads more before we had kids. We are both fiery Latin types and everything is up and out. No silences or simmering resentment like we both grew up with. We are both very loud argumentative people and happily married for 10 years. Our son always sees us apologise and make up. Hopefully he will learn not to be afraid of confrontation.

I don't treat any human beings like this, let alone the one I love most.

Never, in 30+ years.

Proper shouts - about once every 3-5 years.

When DC were small, a couple of times a year. Stress and sleep deprivation.

We've been together 28 years.

Never. Been together 10 years. We get on each others nerves sometimes and very occasionally can say something uncalled for but we always apologise. Have never raised our voices to one another.

Never!

You've been brainwashed into thinking that is okay.

Apparently women who think like this have been "fed" it. Not sure about men.

Never shout in each others faces no but if you mean a shouty argument then probably once or twice a year.
It all depends on personality types and we're the type that have a row, calm down, talk about it and then move on.

Never. Shouting in faces? Jesus. Not normal at all.

Never shouted at my partner and vice versa. Would be over in a heartbeat

Nonsense! Tell that to half of Italy! I loathe British passive aggression and awkward silences.

I have never shouted in anyone's face.

Nor have I never seen DH do it to anyone. Not my DF and DM, nor my sister nor anyone else I know.

Nor can I imagine it happening at my current work place, or anywhere I have ever worked.

I would not like it if someone did that to me.

DH and I do, of course, disagree but can usually sort it out on the spot or, if not, take some time out and resume the conversation when we are able to stay calm. We try to see each others point of view and to work out a compromise. It's been more than thirty years so I'm hopeful it will continue.

We basically don't think that aggression and/or violence is the way to win arguments, not just between us as we love each other but generally, across the world.

If you you were really happy about it, why would you be asking here?

Most of these messages are really reassuring about all the healthy relationships on here. I grew up in a shouting house and I still totally loathe it and think it helps precisely no one. Kids don't learn "not to fear" confrontation - they just absorb the idea that the only way to deal with disagreement is through shouting and aggression, which is not great for their colleagues, friends, and future partners. Much better to (try to) model discussion, negotiation, compromise and understanding, although none of us are perfect.

never how horrible, thats not happiness is it?

@ChroniclesofTiredness - it eaculates for us because at some point we both decide we are going to be complete dicks and neither of us are backing down. After 30+ years we know what buttons to press & we do.