How often do you have fights with your other half?

[bookworm1982]

I'm talking like shouting in each other's faces. My husband and I have been together for twenty years. We seem to do it a few times a year. Otherwise we get on well. He thinks it's normal. Is it?

Agree

Absolutely.

I can't get my head round the number of people who seem to think this is, in any way reasonable behaviour.

Never shouting in eachother's face. We argue from time to time of course but we keep it pretty civil.
I have vivid memories of my mum screaming at my dad and sitting upstairs with my sister terrified.

Never. I've had shouty relationships and they're exhausting. I like being able to discuss issues sensibly.

@SpinningFloppa

I find it more weird when people say they never argue.

How can you find it more weird that people get along than shout and scream at each other? People who say they don’t argue, I’m sure, don’t mean that they never disagree with each other. They just have a conversation about it instead of arguing. How can you think that’s stranger than shouting in your husband or wife’s face?

Never. I grew up in a shouty home and I told him before we got engaged that raised voices are a deal-breaker for me. 10 years together this year.

People who don't argue, are one of you passive?

People who don't argue, are one of you passive?
No!🤣🤣
We have similar ideas about a lot of things, weve fallen into our roles in our relationship that we are happy with we have similar values. There not much ti argue over. I honestly cant remember last time we had a row.

We've been together 20 years and I don't think we've ever shouted in each others faces! We don't really have arguments. We do bicker a lot of really minor things though. I don't like it.

Far from it. We're just able to work out disagreements without prolonged bickering or raised voices.

Please don't kid yourself that the children aren't witnessing this, therefore they're ok

Hearing shouting from the next room is still distressing for children

My dh and I have def had some fallouts, perhaps 4-5 in 11 years so not many really.

but we have never ever shouted in each others’ faces!

Never had a proper argument in 27 years. We just don't see the need and try to make one another happy.

I have members of my family that are always trying to convince me its normal to fight and if you don't it means something is wrong. I disagree, it's not how I want to live. It's possible to disagree without shouting/being horrible to each other.

Together 21 years

No shouting or raised voices

Around once per year, one of us might be a bit snippy, but that's it

We have differences of opinion sometimes, but talk it through and compromise

I'm surprised how many people think it's normal / acceptable to shout at their partner. And it's a choice. Do you shout at your boss? Or your Mum? Thought not

Never. I wouldn't stay with someone who shouted in my face.

We have never once “shouted in each other’s faces”, if that happened it would be over.

I do confess to shouting at Dh about once a month. I get pissed off, shout, (usually from across the room) storm out of the room, two mins later go back in and apologies for being a twat. Kiss and make up.

This is exactly how I see it! If you don’t see it as acceptable to shout at anyone else in your life why would you do it or stand for it from your partner? It’s absolutely bizarre

Never. Together 8 years

No. I just can’t think of anything about mine and DH’s relationship which would ever warrant it. We had a minor disagreement over where to store the ironing board on Saturday. That’s about as big as it gets. It diffused itself after a minute when we realised it’s more fun to list all the places about the other’s person where you might “store” the ironing board and have a laugh instead. We’re pretty compatible, we don’t find much comes up which we seriously disagree about to warrant an aggressive and shouty argument.

What do those who think screaming and shouting in each other’s faces is normal typically do it over? Do you shout and scream in your DC’s faces when you disagree on something or when they annoy / do something you don’t like? I presume you must, if you believe it’s a good way of communicating your anger and resolving the situation, and you don’t believe it’s harmful to a relationship. Presumably you think it’s fine for your children to shout and scream at each other when they disagree?

Never. And we're both quite opinionated people but arguing / shouting is just not something I / we ever do. Careful communication stops things from ever escalating. Apart from that, I grew up in a shouty home and I HATED it, shouting makes me feeling anxious and unsettled and it's totally unnecessary.

Having been married to someone who shouted and swore, and eventually became abusive, it was incredibly important to me that I never had a relationship like that again. It would be a deal breaker if someone could not control their anger.
My current relationship of 5 years is the most passionate and happy relationship I’ve ever had. No shouting, no sulking- we just talk through disagreements.

Never had that kind of row.

Had two or three occasions - probably exacerbated by alcohol - where we've raised voices to a shout. A few more where one of us has snapped at the other who has taken offence and returned the tone.

Generally we don't really do yelling. We both try to see the other's point of view and live in a way we both like.

It doesn't always work but we're similar in values and outlook so major disagreements are actually few and far between anyway.

33 years together, 30 of them married.

(We don't do passive-aggressive either, btw)

OH and his wife, at least once a month. They were married 15 years (he is a widower). From the sounds of it- she was a stubborn firecracker, he speaks of their rows with a lot of complicated feelings. In the moment he says he hated it. But he also loved her personality- she did have a temper but used it to get things done, she had a job that required passion and not being pushed around.

Me and OH- gosh, I don’t think we ever have in 4.5 years. I have a completely different personality though, I don’t tend to get cross easily and am not given to shouting. I don’t ever swear- I don’t know why, I don’t mind if other people to, I just don’t swear or raise my voice. If I’m upset with OH I say so and am more likely to get teary than shout.

This