To refuse a school home visit?

[CoffeePlease93]

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

It's a safeguarding thing. Schools like to do it with all new reception children before they start school. Seeing a child in their home environment with their parents and siblings gives them lots of information. Your home environment may be fine, but many aren't. As you have cancelled previously (due to covid) your child probably will be in school but they can still see you and the home environment. It's up to you if you cancel but they will draw their own conclusions

Those saying they are common and the norm...

Do you mean that it is the norm in your school/area for all families in reception to have a post starting school visit from a 'support team' to speak to parents?
For an arranged 1 hour time?
Without the child present (probably as in school)?

I have NEVER known the above scenario to happen as a routine visit, for all families, after the children have settled into school and taking place by someone other than the class teaching staff.

This. Reading through many of the responses I find quite sad. Home and school working together and supporting the child is important for all young people. Suggest meeting in neutral territory if you prefer, or at school or even on the phone or online.

Reception teacher here. We don't enjoy it either and certainly don't want to nose around the house. It is intended to see the child before they start school in an environment that is comfortable for them. As he has already started, I wouldn't see the necessity of a home visit now.

Completely normal. Don't overthink it. Helps build a holistic picture of the childs life. They're not there to spy on lifestyle choices etc.

I used to do it as a reception teacher and it was great if parents wanted to discuss any sensitive issues, to see what the child was like in their own surroundings (often planned activities around their interests to engage them starting school, and if they were particularly anxious at school you'd be able to see if it was out of character) and most of all it helped a lot of shy children to have seen you on their home turf first "oh you're the lady who came to our house!".
But that was all before they started school! No need for it now your child has started?!

I've never heard of schools doing visits after the child has started school, I've heard about it happening before they start school to introduce the child to the teacher, I find this really strange though, it won't be the child's teacher, and you're having parents evening soon anyway? Seems like a complete waste of time when we know schools are already stretched for time? Our school didn't do it, I wouldn't feel comfortable about it to be honest but I'd probably fell like they'd think I was trying to hide something so would he too worried to decline, that's just me though I'm a massive over thinker!

Just phone the school and explain and ask what alternative can be found. I find the more open and honest I am about our family and stuff going on the easier it is to get on with them. My mother liked to keep everything a secret and so I grew up thinking I should too. But with the kids school I have learned to be really open and honest and they are great and much more sympathetic to stuff than I ever thought they would be. I would just call and say ‘I really want to do the meeting and appreciate the personal touch…. But have a huge amount going on here at the moment, I have a medical procedure coming up and so would prefer to do it at the school or over the phone if possible. Or as there aren’t any immediate issues could we leave it until after my procedure?’

No need to mention the nervous dog or the legal issue….. ‘surgery’ always makes people much more accommodating. 😘

We had this before my child started in reception, I rescheduled things to accommodate the teacher. I felt it was important. I’m proud of my DC and proud of my house, so personally couldn’t wait to show off what a loving home he came from. Tidied like my life depended on it, made a cake, best mugs out and had a really nice chat. I like to think my husband and I made a good impression on the school and vice versa. We both WFH so it was fairly easy to accommodate.

This is unacceptable to me, I would not like that at all, and I would refuse. I'd be happy to meet them at school if they'd like to let me know a convenient time. You DON'T OWE THEM A REASON, a polite no should be enough. If they press, perhaps you could ask if there's an issue they feel necessitates their intrusion into your home.

It's clearly NOT the norm everywhere. I've never heard of it, never experienced it, and as far as I know, neither has anyone in my circle of friends and acquaintances (NE London).

For those arguing how important it is - especially from a safeguarding pov - I'd ask that if so, why is it not standard in every school like most safeguarding regulations are?

I'm not going to get into the OP's personal situation. Though she's the person who raised it in the first place, as I said to @Derbee if the authorities do have cause for concern it seems to be in hand so there is no need to get worked up about it on here. Derbee has not replied to say why she feels there is.

What I can't understand is people saying other people intervening in your private life with no justification is no big deal and even asking what you have to hide?.

Many people on Mumsnet do not open their doors to unexpected callers. Unless it's late at night I do, but I don't say those people are wrong and in fact some posters have said I am foolish for opening up. No matter. To open the door to unexpected callers is our personal choice.

I do lots of things that may be of benefit to me but I also perceive to be for the greater good of society. So I am fully Covid vaccinated; I don't own a car and use public transport; I willingly submit to security checks at airports and other public venues and I don't object to bits of my taxes going to things that don't have an immediate benefit to me like state education. That's a big one for me. I have no need of that but I had one and I want other people to have that too and there is the selfish motive in that I want educated people to have occupations where they do things for me rather than have no option but to prey on me.

But my public spiritedness stops when I am being asked to do things just because. I answered @hadtochangetothisone before I read her subsequent posts. Now I don't know why I bothered with a considered answer.

I live a nice middle class lifestyle. But I am the child of working class parents who taught me that for some people those lesser to them exist only to be done to and if they object they are stupid or suspect. No one asks me questions without me having the opportunity to ask why and say "no thank you". I find it really weird to think otherwise.

That's nice for you but some of us have different ambitions.

I hope the visit went well today OP if it went ahead? I wondered if perhaps the school had some issues to address with you and wanted to do it when you wouldn’t have distractions from your LO. As a parent of a child with AEN and someone who works with children and families in a supporting role, one of the biggest protective factors for children with AEN is a strong and positive home/school link. It might be worth investing a bit of time on getting to know the school’s pastoral team now so that if your child needs any additional support in the future then you have already made those links. I know it’s intrusive having strangers in your home, particularly if you’re already an anxious person so perhaps you could ask to meet in school?

I'd just tell them you're incredibly busy with work at the moment and that you can do a 10 minute zoom meeting but cannot accommodate a home visit.

We had this before ours started in reception. The teacher and TA were lovely but I just hated the intrusion.

It's your house, OP. They don't get to decide who comes into it.

I declined when we were offered this in Reception. We’re now in yr 3 without it ever having been an issue or concern. I just found the whole thought of it intrusive, disruptive, plain nosey to be honest and we’ve nothing to hide or worry about.

I'd be absolutely bloody horrified and annoyed. At what point did the Educational authorities think they were social workers? It shouldn't be normalised. Okay, they need to spot potential problems but this is way, way over the top.

You do have to filter out the crazies on these threads. I think most of us know where you’re coming from and hopefully have helped a little 😊

But it isn't about safeguarding whatever a few individual teachers and posters might think.
It comes from other countries and there is research to show that it does help to build better relationships with families and children. It won't matter with every family, but in general, it has a positive impact.

Can’t you just tell school you haven’t got time now and make an appointment for in the future when you do?

This is an appalling intrusion into your home. I would simply say say that it is not convenient and then just not engage with excuses -none of their business!!!!

@antelopevalley What is that research? I'm not asking for the benefit of my health I'd like you to quote it and give a precis of why it's so good for those who have no time to wade through it.

Otherwise I am going to dismiss it.

If some people decline to take part and others do how do researchers calculate the bias?

You've had your visit (or not) now I guess, but I don't think it's a huge ask to have someone come round and see your home for 15 mins, so it can help them understand where your child's coming from when he's in school. It's done with his best interests at heart. I think saying this is an imposition and something you can't possibly countenance is a bit of a sad indictment of your generosity of spirit tbh.

@limitedperiodonly
link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10643-011-0461-1
www.edsurge.com/news/2020-02-19-home-visits-are-effective-here-s-why-they-still-make-some-teachers-uneasy
www.springsmontessori.com/home-visits-what-are-they-and-why-do-we-do-them/

I only have done a 2 second google. I read lots of research about this when it first started being researched. Google and you will find some of it.

Op, people are just explaining why and how and what the school would think in general. It's not a personal attack on you.

Ofcourse you can say no thank you to school. You don't have to explain why. And if they know you as you say then it won't be alarms. But for the general population who aren't as involved with their kids school it probably would raise a few alarm bells which is what posters are highlighting.

Just say to the school as you know what's going on with dc we have many appointments but we are happy with his school life and he is very happy in general and then don't give it another seconds thought.

Our school was optional and you had to request an appointment... all schools are different.