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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a school home visit?

625 replies

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:49

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

OP posts:
zingally · 17/10/2022 16:20

As an ex-reception teacher, they're quite a common thing.

You are perfectly entitled to turn it down, but like others have said, the school WILL draw its own conclusion from that.
For what it's worth, I would personally try and accommodate them. They're not poking round your whole house. They'll literally see your hallway and whatever room you want them to sit in. They'll be there 10-15 mins, max.

Fizzydog · 17/10/2022 17:55

You can decline and give your reasons. It's not compulsory. No decent school would draw adverse inference as its easily challenged and would damage relationship with family from the start.

icelolly99 · 17/10/2022 17:55

My eldest is an adult now. We always said no to these visits for all of our kids. School never had a problem with that. We had the little pre starting school chat at school instead.

user1498158714 · 17/10/2022 18:10

I'm a Primary teacher (in Scotland) and have never heard of this! It sounds very bizarre and intrusive. You could ask for the meeting to take place in school an
d show willing. Good luck.

GretaS · 17/10/2022 18:20

As headteacher of a primary school, I never liked home visits either. I found them intrusive myself, and refused them for my own children! However, they are very common and we did end up offering them at my own school. The nursery staff said they found it helpful to see the children in their own environment, and have the chance to speak to parents in a relaxed (?) environment. But it is certainly not compulsory. Just say you haven't the time as you have to work.

LoisLane66 · 17/10/2022 18:20

I have 5 children who went to 3 different schools, 4 state 1 fee-paying, in the late 70s - 90s and at no time was there any mention of home visits. This was in the North West and with later childre, in the South West.
No-one I knew then, ever had home visits by school staff.

Queenbee77 · 17/10/2022 18:25

Get out out here??!! A school home visit?? No way ...over my dead body. Nosey buggers. Get real. Must be a small private school? Nonsense. Sorry but we have an agressive / nervous dog I would say.

LouBan · 17/10/2022 18:35

My DD has just started at pre-school and they did a home visit before her first day. No need to worry about them snooping round your house, they didn't stay that long and opted to sit in the garden rather than inside. It sounds like you have a lot going on and a home visit might not fit in but they are the norm. I think if you don't want a home visit you will have to explain why to the school.

Poodles23 · 17/10/2022 18:36

They never did that years ago, I’d hate it and think it’s them being nosy. Discussing any problems are for parents evening or you should be invited into school to talk about it. I’d personally refuse and ask what’s wrong with a phone call or you going into school.

rchblf · 17/10/2022 18:37

I have five kids between 18 and 9. I have never had this or even heard of anything like it. Any visits stopped with health visitor as babies. I feel it is very intrusive, unless they had concerns for my child I would tell them no.

IAteTheLastOne · 17/10/2022 18:45

Untitledsquatboulder · 16/10/2022 11:52

It's totally normal round here. Refuse if you want to but then you'll have to accept they will draw their own conclusions about that.

When people say ‘round here’, can they say where that is? I’m Derbyshire, work for Derby City and this is not the norm.

Cotswoldmama · 17/10/2022 18:46

I had this with my son's. With my first it was about 10 minutes, I can't really remember much I think she just talked about what the average day would be like and asked about nursery general stuff. With my second it was during COVID but she came to the door step and bought a few activities to do during the holidays ready for starting school.

CrazyLadie · 17/10/2022 18:51

I have never heard of this before and I have a child who has just gone into S1, he went to 2 different primary schools and no teacher or school person has ever been in my house. I think it's whole heartedly unreasonable, tell them NO!!!

TomRaider · 17/10/2022 18:51

I'd probably tell them no too. There is just no need for it. I'd offer to pop in and meet them at a mutually convenient time if they so wish. Offer to meet them after school hours, that'll show how keen they are.

My employer does home visits of you are off Ill or on maternity etc. When my eldest was born, the first visit took place on the doorstep. With requests to come in declined.

When number 2 was born we met in a local cafe.

You could offer to meet at a cafe or play centre.

CrazyLadie · 17/10/2022 18:54

user1498158714 · 17/10/2022 18:10

I'm a Primary teacher (in Scotland) and have never heard of this! It sounds very bizarre and intrusive. You could ask for the meeting to take place in school an
d show willing. Good luck.

I'm in Scotland too and have never heard of anyone having one of these meeting at their home

LifesTooShortForYourNonsense · 17/10/2022 18:56

It’s twenty minutes- just schedule it in and get on with it, no big deal. There is going to be loads of admin once they actually start.

Doggate1 · 17/10/2022 18:58

Totally normal here and has been going on for years and years.
Having worked as an EYFS teacher I can assure you we have better things to do than ‘nosey’ round your home - your children tell us all we need to know about what goes on at home 🤣 - out of the mouth of babes.
I think you are being a bit paranoid to think they are inspecting you or checking your home - they are trying to form a positive working relationship with you and it is nice for the children to know the teacher has been at their home.
However, if you don’t want them in your home - just tell them and they will meet you in school or even have a call.

J3001 · 17/10/2022 18:59

Never heard of this mind

Georgeandzippyzoo · 17/10/2022 19:03

If schools do this it's normally before they start school. Is this when yours should have been? It's for parents to highlight any issues and for staff to meet child at home.
The school I worked in STOPPED doing this over 20yrs ago. Husband's school has recently stopped.
If the meeting should have been before he started at school I'd say that as he has settled into school so well, you have good communications with the staff that you don't really see the point of having a home meeting.

Lily4444 · 17/10/2022 19:04

I’d really recommend doing it. Home visits are standard in my area but I had them as a child as well in Enfield and Tottenham (north London). It’s a great opportunity for you and your son to further build a relationship with his teacher, particularly after covid when most kids and parents have had quite limited contact. It lasts 5-10mins so maybe you can get someone else to walk the dog then.

Personally I wouldn’t refused it as it throws up question marks . I think it’s important for teachers to be able to see their pupils’ home and to see that the family is involved, not living in unhygienic places or in serious poverty or to even identify what languages are spoken at home etc. My friend is a primary school teacher and after home visits she was realised that about half of the kids came from really poor backgrounds and the parents didn’t speak English so hadn’t applied for free schools meals etc. In the end she did the paperwork for them but it’s things like that she wouldn’t have known about without a home visit.

Highfivemum · 17/10/2022 19:06

Always done this at our village school and to be honest it was a great idea. Teachers would see the DC in their own home surroundings and would get a feel as to what the child likes and dislikes. No idea as to why it’s is after they have started at your school though. Sort of defeats the object.

TequilaNights · 17/10/2022 19:12

Had it with both of mine in the same school, over 10 years for one of them.

It was a short meet and greet the child in their home environment, we sat in the living room, my eldest took them for a tour of the garden, my youngest is a lot shyer so we stayed in the living room.

It was totally informal, relaxed and certainly not nosing around.

mapofeasterireland · 17/10/2022 19:13

It’s surely for safeguarding,supporting and signposting people at a vulnerable time for kids and parents? They don’t these things for no reason at all. You sound stressed to the max so maybe they might actually be helpful

Notforbeef · 17/10/2022 19:13

Absolutely not commonplace ir the norm at all where I am, and not one parent I know has had this

Abraxan · 17/10/2022 19:14

antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 15:35

They are not visits primarily for safeguarding. Children love teachers coming to their home and it helps to build more trusting relationships quickly.

It isn't a teacher visiting.
The child won't be present when it happens.

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