Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse a school home visit?

625 replies

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:49

My son has just started school this year so I don’t know if this is the norm or not?

So apparently his school (not the teachers) does home visits with all the new parents to discuss any issues going on and for a chit chat (and probably just to be nosey around your home too!)

I have already had to reschedule once because we -all had COVID but I’ve got it coming up again now but it’s just such an inconvenience! I work from home, have a medical procedure coming up which I have several appointments beforehand and I also have a private issue going on (legal issues) which is requiring a lot of solicitor appointments and admin stuff at home at the moment too.

There has been no issues with my son at school whatsoever, he is doing amazingly well, glowing reports, I have brilliant communication with his actual teachers - I don’t need any extra support with anything and there is a parent’s evening coming up soon anyway.

I also have an extremely anxious dog who really stresses out if stranger’s come into the home (constantly barking, pacing up and down, sometimes wee’s - something we are working on but he came from a bad home previous to us).

WIBU to tell them I don’t need a home visit and this just isn’t going to work for me or will it be seen as bad and negative thing like I’m not co-operating or I’m being resistant etc?

And yes… I do tend to overthink everything which is why I’m asking!

OP posts:
antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 21:13

Is the research totally robust? No it does not meet gold standards for research. But it is a very cheap intervention and the available research does seem to suggest it has benefits, so is seen as worth doing.
Parents can opt out though.
I only shared it to say that the aim behind this is not about safeguarding.

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2022 21:15

antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 21:11

@limitedperiodonly
link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10643-011-0461-1
www.edsurge.com/news/2020-02-19-home-visits-are-effective-here-s-why-they-still-make-some-teachers-uneasy
www.springsmontessori.com/home-visits-what-are-they-and-why-do-we-do-them/

I only have done a 2 second google. I read lots of research about this when it first started being researched. Google and you will find some of it.

@antelopevalley I know how to Google. I asked you to explain why you think this research is such a good idea. If you are so convinced you would know and be able to explain it to me rather than giving me a link.

So why is it a good idea?

antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 21:18

I don't understand what you are asking?

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2022 21:27

@antelopevalley I thought it was clear but for the avoidance of doubt I'm asking you to explain in your own words why you think it is a good idea for people to submit to routine visits about aspects of their private lives.

Can you do that? I really don't know how to make it any plainer.

antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 21:28

I am not asking people to submit to anything. It is their choice.

Novum · 17/10/2022 21:30

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:54

@Untitledsquatboulder draw their own conclusions about that meaning what exactly? Other schools that don’t do this don’t see inside a child’s home so what happens then?

I also myself suffer from anxiety and I don’t like stranger’s in my home myself as PP said, it’s quite intrusive!

Plus not all parents can spare the time for a chit chat especially when there is nothing to really talk about

In my experience most primary schools do this. Can you really not spare half an hour or so for your child's benefit?

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2022 21:31

That's what I was saying. So you agree with me but you can't explain why? I'll take that.

celticprincess · 17/10/2022 21:52

I’m a teacher and it’s definitely a common thing. Although we never got home visits from my childrens’ school for either of them. The reception teacher was new the year we started with my eldest so not sure if this was a reason. However I did get home visits from the health visitor. Whilst pregnant I got a home visit and then when I came out of hospital I got another one. Also had the midwife out to do the heel prick tests at home. Second time round i was more used to it and actually used it to ask her more about the toddler issue I was having than the pregnancy/baby issue.

For school the idea is to meet the parent/family in their own environment for a general catch up and observation of the child without the distractions of other children and the alien environment bringing them into school would be. It’s not meant to be a judgy or stressful experience and the teacher will have been into lots of different homes.

antelopevalley · 17/10/2022 21:54

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2022 21:31

That's what I was saying. So you agree with me but you can't explain why? I'll take that.

There are clear benefits at a general level in terms of building relationships with the family and with children.
But it needs to be voluntary.

NickyT64 · 17/10/2022 22:02

I work in a school and these home visits are usually done before they start or in the first few weeks. These visits are considered important/necessary. It’s not for a ‘nosey’ but seeing the child in their own environment which can be extremely helpful. I’m slightly bemused at all the people on here who either vehemently object to the visits themselves or who never have visitors to their houses. If you think about it that’s an issue in itself that could affect the social skills of the child if they aren’t used to anyone coming round to their house. I know that if one of our prospective parents refused a home visit it would definitely raise a concern. It’s just a quick visit why not just go with the flow? If nothing else you can enjoy hearing more compliments on how well your DS is doing at school!

Queenbee77 · 17/10/2022 22:05

She is stressed cos she doesnt want them to come! But it sounds like they are forcing themselves on her. Wouldnt get over my doorstep.

KelvingrovesBest · 17/10/2022 22:11

I don’t understand what the problem is. It’s called doing your best for your child.
The school is trying to be welcoming and you can’t spare 20mins for the benefit of your son.
So many children can be helped by the school and home being close. What a caring school that engages with families.
Mum, just invite them home for goodness sake, this is for your child!!

The fuss being made to deflect this visit makes me wonder if there IS a problem and the school may help. If the dog is a prob and the family don’t have visitors then emotional support via school may be the way forward. Sounds like a problem from home.

Mollymoostoo · 17/10/2022 22:34

CoffeePlease93 · 16/10/2022 11:54

@Untitledsquatboulder draw their own conclusions about that meaning what exactly? Other schools that don’t do this don’t see inside a child’s home so what happens then?

I also myself suffer from anxiety and I don’t like stranger’s in my home myself as PP said, it’s quite intrusive!

Plus not all parents can spare the time for a chit chat especially when there is nothing to really talk about

They are not legally entitled to come in your home. My child's school don't do that and to be fair, they would probably be told to do one qs most parents work and would not take the time off
So intrusive.

Mollymoostoo · 17/10/2022 22:35

KelvingrovesBest · 17/10/2022 22:11

I don’t understand what the problem is. It’s called doing your best for your child.
The school is trying to be welcoming and you can’t spare 20mins for the benefit of your son.
So many children can be helped by the school and home being close. What a caring school that engages with families.
Mum, just invite them home for goodness sake, this is for your child!!

The fuss being made to deflect this visit makes me wonder if there IS a problem and the school may help. If the dog is a prob and the family don’t have visitors then emotional support via school may be the way forward. Sounds like a problem from home.

Wonder how the head would feel if parents said they wanted to come round to their house for 20 mins.

limitedperiodonly · 17/10/2022 22:35

Novum · 17/10/2022 21:30

In my experience most primary schools do this. Can you really not spare half an hour or so for your child's benefit?

Show quote history

Why do you believe people who don't know you know what's of benefit to your child @Novum?

CrazyLadie · 17/10/2022 22:40

Novum · 17/10/2022 21:30

In my experience most primary schools do this. Can you really not spare half an hour or so for your child's benefit?

Show quote history

I don't know a single school that does this, nor have I ever heard from anyone I know that it's happened to them

Mollymoostoo · 17/10/2022 22:41

NickyT64 · 17/10/2022 22:02

I work in a school and these home visits are usually done before they start or in the first few weeks. These visits are considered important/necessary. It’s not for a ‘nosey’ but seeing the child in their own environment which can be extremely helpful. I’m slightly bemused at all the people on here who either vehemently object to the visits themselves or who never have visitors to their houses. If you think about it that’s an issue in itself that could affect the social skills of the child if they aren’t used to anyone coming round to their house. I know that if one of our prospective parents refused a home visit it would definitely raise a concern. It’s just a quick visit why not just go with the flow? If nothing else you can enjoy hearing more compliments on how well your DS is doing at school!

What makes me laugh is that schools make judgements about parents with no evidence. Refusing a home visit is not a sign of anything. You can go in an immaculate house to an amazing family and there be alcoholism or DV. People (schools) need to stop trying to be social workers and accept that parents have rights.
Schools have a place but education and child rearing is up to parents.
And before anyone jumps on me, I have been a family support worker and I'm now a teacher. I have seen it all and the worst parents were manipulative and welcomed us in with open arms.
Parents are so afraid to be judged because people are struggling to feed their families and heat their homes. To accuse people of hiding something goes way beyond. It is as ridiculous as those that shout "safeguarding" for every little thing.

KelvingrovesBest · 17/10/2022 22:53

It’s about helping the child. What part of this is not understood.
Id have been delighted to see the teachers taking an interest I’m my child.

Such a silly comment regarding how the head would feel if there was a visit to their home.

KelvingrovesBest · 17/10/2022 22:54

Bells will be ringing if you refuse a visit.

a1poshpaws · 17/10/2022 23:43

@CoffeePlease93 It'd be a polite f-off from me. I hate strangers in my home, and I would strongly object to being judged to some unknown standard. How I and my family lived when my son was school age was nobody's business but our own - tell them you feel the idea is both intrusive and offensive but that if they have any concerns re. your DC then you'll happily negotiate a time and date with them which fits in with your work and health requirements, when you'll meet with them at the school. Your home is your private escape, not a meeting room.

F'ing nanny state.

@mycatisannoying " I feel sad for the kids whose parents never have guests around. It's a strange way to live."

My immediate response to that is "sit on it and do one" as it's such a patronising, closed minded attitude.

It did my son no harm that I never had guests - he was always playing at his friends' homes and so meeting their parents to see how other adults lived, and the visitors rule didn't extend to his friends whom he was allowed to have freely running in and out of our house.

It was/is no stranger a way to live than someone who goes to the pub every night or week; or someone who loves regularly going camping; or someone who's so different from me that they can't bear to be alone, seems to me to be!

(And some little instinct tells me I'd find your way of life abhorrent strange.)

THEDEACON · 17/10/2022 23:46

You are making so much of this that yes conclusions will be drawn

oviraptor21 · 18/10/2022 00:10

How exactly does this benefit the child?
Answer - got 99% it will make no difference at all.
There's a slight difference between inviting friends and playmates for DC round and inviting a random stranger - which is what the teacher effectively is at this stage - into the home.

Katekeeprunning · 18/10/2022 00:10

⬆️⬆️⬆️

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 00:15

It does make a difference to a child. It makes them feel special that the teacher visited them at home and took an interest in them.
And it gives parents a chance to raise things privately that a visit to the school does not always allow.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/10/2022 00:25

antelopevalley · 18/10/2022 00:15

It does make a difference to a child. It makes them feel special that the teacher visited them at home and took an interest in them.
And it gives parents a chance to raise things privately that a visit to the school does not always allow.

The child will feel special that a member of staff they possibly barely know came to their house to talk to Mommy whilst they were at school? Takes more than that to make my kid feel special, he's far more high maintenance