Smacking DD 5

[FluffyFluffMonster]

My DD who is 5 has been hit today while I was in the shower. Her grandmother (not related) hit her leaving a red mark, GM said dd was wrapping curtains around herself and she was scared she would hang herself so hit her! GM is actually my eldest DD grandmother but is amazing with youngest and treats her like her own. DD has an amazing relationship with her, adores her. We are only a little family with not much support or involvement from other family. This isn't about me I would stop contact in an instant but because my dd adores GM I don't know what to do? I'm 100% against hitting! I told GM we don't hit in this house and she did say sorry and she was scared which is why she did it! I'm actually ill currently and not thinking clearly!

I’m not for a moment condoning what GM did, as I also abhor smacking and would never want this to happen to either of mine.

I would have a very clear discussion with her to make sure it never happens again. I don’t think you should end all contact if they otherwise have a good relationship. But maybe be around whenever she’s with your dds.

I rather wish it was illegal in England too, but perhaps with a system where a first complaint would be met with a warning that would be recorded but not go on a Criminal Record.

That would end the “is it OK” debate that still goes on.

Most people don’t do it any more here, but it wasn’t that long ago that it was common to see being children smacked in public for misbehaving.

My mum once did this, absolutely against smacking but once just lost it with my eldest, phoned up crying and apologizing, saying she totally understood if I never let her look after the kids again. I understood, she never did it again and my teens are fantastically close with her. Not ideal at all, but in our case it would have been way worse to have stood in the way of that support and love over all the years.

I was smacked 3 times as a child and I'm definitely not traumatised.

And do you smack children now?

@Pumperthepumper Definitely not. I don't agree with it. But I'm still not traumatised.

And it’s all because they were smacked as children? Or what are you implying?

There are myriad ways of damaging your children. And just as many ways you can run into mental health issues without your parents contributing to it.

Not saying grandma was right but there is so much drama on this thread!

I would not be leaving my child unsupervised with them again.

No that is not the solution every time but what I am saying is that to smack a child will not cause it trauma like some people are saying. For goodness sake my mother smacked me and I was not traumatised nor were all my friends who were similarly smacked. Although no doubt the people like you just the fact I say we weren’t traumatised is a sign we were!

Do you discipline people now? In any sort of way? Do you make people go to bed early? Do you ground people? Does it traumatise them?

Do you discipline people now? In any sort of way? Do you make people go to bed early? Do you ground people? Does it traumatise them?

There's a massive difference between those and a much larger, stronger, loved person using physical violence as discipline.

it’s interesting the way you people use words ‘Physical violence’ is not words I would have used when my mum smacked my bum. I would have reserved that for the guy who beat his wife up. It’s like using the word ‘imprisoned’ for grounding a kid. As my mum said she wasn’t going to be a jailer in charge of a bunch of grumpy inmates

it’s interesting the way you people use words ‘Physical violence’ is not words I would have used when my mum smacked my bum. I would have reserved that for the guy who beat his wife up.

And the wife getting beat? She is the one who was brought up being hit. She is the one who thinks it is normal. She is the one who thinks people who love her hit her. And yes, it's all physical violence.

*Disclaimer - not always, not every watch man who is living with physical violence, but it certainly follows for some that if the violence is normalised it can be harder to break the cycle.

Every woman

Actually when you have worked with battered women you will find out that is not necessarily the case. Every case is different. To make these assumptions is just the work of people who want to make the figures fit their own theories.

I don’t, no. I don’t punish.

Did you know physical violence is known as ‘justifiable assault’ in law?

I would have reserved that for the guy who beat his wife up.

Smacking children models aggressive behaviour, which teaches children to solve problems with violence. There's a really good chance that this guy was subjected to physical discipline as a child.

Actually when you have worked with battered women you will find out that is not necessarily the case. Every case is different. To make these assumptions is just the work of people who want to make the figures fit their own theories.

Did you read the second part where is acknowledged this?

I sincerely hope you don't work with 'battered women' - your lack of understanding and awareness of violence is shocking for someone who would hold such a position.

If she was genuinely afraid she was going to hurt herself then I think it’s a bit different than lashing out for no reason. I’d hope it wouldn’t happen again, I’d have another chat with her in a few days to remind her that you don’t want her to ever lay a finger on your DD again

That's interesting. I was am against smacking, one reason is that if it not acceptable between adults it's not acceptable for children. But actually all forms of discipline we use on our kids is totally unacceptable between adults. Also it's all predicated on the fact that we are physically more powerful than them.

The more I read on the thread the more I am struggling to establish why smacking is inherently worse than the naughty step. I think I would prefer a light slap to being forced to sit somewhere I didn't want to be.

I certainly hope you don’t work with battered women as you appear to follow a formula and assumptions. Obviously individuality doesn’t come into it in your case

I certainly hope you don’t work with battered women as you appear to follow a formula and assumptions. Obviously individuality doesn’t come into it in your case

So you didn't read the second part of my post then.

FWIW I haven't claimed to work with any women.

I follow no formula or assumptions and I have no idea why you have taken that from my posts which clearly say the opposite.

Now perhaps stop making ridiculous claims about other people to try and justify your own lack of understanding. If you spent half as much time doing a bit of research as you have coming back at me you might have learned something positive.

Smacking children models aggressive behaviour, which teaches children to solve problems with violence. There's a really good chance that this guy was subjected to physical discipline as a child

Okay but is aggressive behaviour is more about the way in which something is done than the act itself? I'm thinking here about physically removing a child to another area as discipline. Is that less aggressive? I suppose you could argue the difference is to remove rather than hurt/shock but, again, I'm not sure that a time out is inherently "better" than a smack. If I think about it as an adult a time out seems horrific too.

It does not make sense that she would hit her because she was worried about the fact she was getting tangled in the shower curtain..how was that going to help?

If she had said she might have grabbed her and squeezed too hard out of fear as she was trying to entangled her and it would make some sense but smack her so hard it left a red mark? That's nonsense.

Hitting a child like this is never acceptable.

She has also shown you that she is not able to care for your daughter while under pressure/stress, so I would not leave her with the child on her own ever again.