Smacking DD 5

[FluffyFluffMonster]

My DD who is 5 has been hit today while I was in the shower. Her grandmother (not related) hit her leaving a red mark, GM said dd was wrapping curtains around herself and she was scared she would hang herself so hit her! GM is actually my eldest DD grandmother but is amazing with youngest and treats her like her own. DD has an amazing relationship with her, adores her. We are only a little family with not much support or involvement from other family. This isn't about me I would stop contact in an instant but because my dd adores GM I don't know what to do? I'm 100% against hitting! I told GM we don't hit in this house and she did say sorry and she was scared which is why she did it! I'm actually ill currently and not thinking clearly!

She apologized and said she reacted in fear so I wouldn’t let this bother me.

I agree with @Avidreader69

I was smacked as a child and certainly not traumatised. But I do have a healthy respect for adults, right and wrong and authority 🤔

Smacking depends on the context - dangerous and wilful behaviour likely to seriously injure themselves or others is different to getting smacked for say leaving a toy out or not eating dinner

As one who was smacked for haughtiness as a child let me assure you it has not left me at all traumatised. It would leave the kid far more traumatised if she injured herself on the curtains, if you don’t believe in smacking the granny should respect that but please don’t swallow the nonsense that an odd smack from someone who she loves and loves her will leave her traumatised. It won’t,

You never need to smack though so why would you choose to? And if it's got to the point you truly can't get through to your child without hitting then that's your fault and yet the children would be the ones being hit for that?

If anyone can explain why 'not being left with trauma' is important when discussing smacking children but 'hurting children' isn't mentioned I would be really interested to hear it.

So by that logic every time I chose to discipline my kids it was my fault? Every time they misbehaved it was my fault? Ever had kids?

Where have you got that idea from? I doubt it very much. There are some traumatized adults, for various reasons, but probably none of them traumatized by being given a smack when they were naughty, by a loving parent.

She sounds like a lovely lady with a good relationship with your kids and has apologized. You have made it clear it should not happen again. Smacking is a subject that will get a lot of strong opinions on MN but if the child is not traumatised and GM has apologised then I would just move on. Me and my siblings were occasionally smacked. None of us are traumatised and all have close ongoing relationship with both parents. An occasional smack for naughty behaviour is very different to being beaten up by an alcoholic or just violent vindictive parent and children know the difference.

How would you feel if someone hit you if you were naughty?

what is it about the person being hit being a young child who is still learning how to behave that makes it okay?

So to be clear you think the threshold for separating a child from its parent would be met by the parent hitting the child on one occasion and without any parenting support or intervention the child should and would be removed from them into the care system?

The law does not agree with you.

I have a child and yes, their behaviour is down to how you parent them. I didn't say every time they misbehave it's your fault, although to a degree that is true yes, I said if you have got a point where you can't get through to your child without hitting them then that seems very far gone and yes that would be wholly your fault.

And your solution would be to hit someone else.

So to be clear you think the threshold for separating a child from its parent would be met by the parent hitting the child on one occasion and without any parenting support or intervention the child should and would be removed from them into the care system?

To be clear, these are your words, not mine. I said I would do all i could to protect my child. I said none of the above.

If it did there are an awful lot of traumatized adults around. Which there aren't.

Yes there are.

My mother actually works in a school and as far as I can tell it's the bullying between staff that is the problem rather than naughty children throwing things and hitting adults.

I don't agree with smacking children at all. However when I was teaching, some time ago as I left 14 years ago, in an area of high deprivation, I was routinely kicked, also punched, threatened with scissors and knives, tripped up at the top of the stairs whilst carrying a pile of books, had acid thrown at me (luckily very weak and I was wearing a lab coat) and verbally abused by both the children and their parents.
And I wasn't allowed to defend myself at all and it was dismissed as my fault (by SLT) because I was a crap teacher.
So bullying amongst staff exists, but hearing from my friends who still teach, behaviour has got even worse.

What a fuss over a smack on the bum for a naughty child! Good for grandma!

There are whole generations of damaged adults. They have internalised what happened to them and claim it 'never did me any harm'. They often go on to hit small children themselves.

Why do you think there are so many teachers leaving the profession because they and other children, are being terrorized by five year olds throwing things, kicking and hitting?

Do you actually think 5 year olds are behaving like this because they haven't had it smacked out of them?

@Avidreader69 - Have you got any idea what is going on in mental health (and addiction) services at the moment?

Or how many adults take anti-depressants?

There are whole generations of damaged adults around!

What a fuss over a smack on the bum for a naughty child!

OP did not say a smack on the bum.

Good for grandma!

She isn't Grandma.

I wouldn’t let my kid near someone who instinctively reacts with violence.

There are whole generations of damaged adults. They have internalised what happened to them and claim it 'never did me any harm'. They often go on to hit small children themselves
What nonsense. Where is your evidence for this claim?

But not because of a single smack when they were young.

GM didn’t break the law (unless you’re in Scotland where it is now illegal) and it was normal until a generation or so ago to smack, but I think it needs to be made clear to her that you don’t smack and that unless she can undertake not to do it again, she won’t be seeing DD unsupervised.

It’s illegal in Wales too.