If you have adult children what do you wish you had done differently?

[coodawoodashooda]

Looking for advice on how best to make the most of my children's younger years whilst not ignoring the important stuff.

Time and love. Both hopefully lead to good communication as they get older, so you’re there and able to talk to each other as they grow into troublesome (?) teens and beyond.

Apropos reading at bedtime? If it instills a love of reading, then great. If it means you get to spend some quiet time at the end of the day with your DC, then that’s good too.

Reading to them is a biggie for kids when they are little. No better way to build relationship.

Worried less and enjoyed them more tbh. They are all, without exception, thoroughly decent human beings. I see dd being exactly the same with dgs and try and reassure her that she and he are doing brilliantly and hope it sinks in.

I'm glad to read this, I'm a LP nurse to a 6 and 8yo, recently had people ask why I don't work FT, but my kids need me around!
Especially as this thread shows, being a bit skint is ok as long as you're there for them.

Btw, don't beat yourself up, I'm sure your DC are grateful for everything you did

@lovelilies you are absolutely doing the right thing.kids need our time and attention more than money.
My boys thankfully turned out ok but I still wish I had spent more time with them. Stay part time as long as you can.

I wish I’d been less accommodating to the younger one. I should have encouraged him to save, to give me some of his wages ( which I would have saved for him). I spent too long trying to please him.

@Canthinkofaname79 That's lovely. I so wish I had been wonderful to my mum at that age but I was horrible and she deserved so much better.

What am I doing wrong! I've read to both my kids every night since they were newborn (not that they took much in at a week old!!) but neither like reading!!! They still like me reading to them at night (they r 8 and 10), and will read some pages each night when I ask (every night normally) but reluctantly. They just want to be read to!

How do these 'prolific readers' emerge? Cannot ever see mine picking up a book out of choice!

Mine started reading for pleasure in his mid 30s! He gets through at least two books a week now.

I agree with reading. We still read to ours and they’re 15 & 13! I’m reading Crime & Punishment with DD (15) right now - we read it when she’s pottering round packing her bag and getting all her things ready for the next day. She really enjoys it, and I love that I can share all my favourite adult books with her. Have to avoid ones with any sex scenes in though, as reading those aloud to your children is excruciating!

But in terms of creating great readers - both mind used to read obsessively when younger but as teens don’t read much, though they do listen to audio books. DD likes to read her old favourites again and again which drives me up the wall.

@Jumperoo56370000 not to start weaning until their at least 6months, not to offer water until their 5months even when there not well just to keep offering milk. I get why so many kids medicines stopped being produced and certain ingredients taken out as so many parents were abusing them by given them when not needed so their child would go to sleep more easily but they where also a big help when your child was really Ill and unsettled because they were over tired. Where they sleep and how and what should or shouldn’t be used when they go to sleep. Teething: powder not to be used until 6months, only to use bonjela 2/3times a day and to not give calpol until their basically screaming in pain, anbesol can’t be used until 5/6months because apparently babies don’t get teeth till their 6months. My normal h/v was off work and was seen by someone else at my sons 4month check she tried to argue this with me. Until I opened his mouth n there was his 2 wee pearly whites that he had from 3 and a half months. My other 2 also had teeth at 4month. That’s just somethings that I have came across

Hmm, that’s interesting @Weemummykay. Sounds like you had a difficult health visitor! We’ve barely seen a h/v due to Covid and mainly just follow common sense.

We used teething powder from 3 months (the brands we used were definitely allowed from 3 months) and calpol when needed. I see absolutely no reason why we should expect kids to be in pain without painkillers- adults take paracetamol when they need it! Interesting to hear about discontinued medicines though, can you remember what they were? I’m intrigued!

@Weemummykay - you are definitely right that the weaning / water guidance has changed though! I do sometimes wonder if how much they push guidance to the extreme just to avoid people doing something daft?

I think gripe water used to have ethanol in it. Now it doesn't

The other guidance that has changed is around the baby sleeping in the parent's room until 6 months. My eldest was in his own room from day 1. I'm sure the new guidance is accurate - I understand it's based on research into SIDS - but it does seem to make life harder for parents, not being able to choose what works best for you and your baby.

I worked part-time until they were late teenagers.Was skint and also got divorced in the middle bit, never regretted it for a second.
Always made sure they could go on any school trips and any hobby they wanted to try.
Was quite strict on behaviour and challenged any 'attitude' but generally easy going and was always there to listen and be positive.
Never went down the designer name route as I couldn't afford it and it sets up expectations when they are adult to have to buy labelled clothing,even if they can't afford it themselves.
Mine are now mid thirties and only experienced the start of the ( dial-up) Internet and mobile phones.
I am so glad about that,I feel parenting is far harder now.

I think you just need to carry on. Two of mine are now avid readers but the youngest - who got less of my time with books before bed - she just wants to be hooked up to TikTok 24/7. So I really do think it's worth keeping going. I have fab memories of that time we spent together following the Michael morporgo stories and all the Greek mythology and so on.

Don't listen to those who say to sleep train if you don't want to. I co slept and put mine to bed by laying down with them. I used to get angry with myself for doing this. But actually it worked for us. We got a bit of quality time together and a nice cuddle. And they do grow out of it. I don't regret it at all

I know this isn't what you're asking, but one of the best things I think my mum did for us was every night we had to help with dinner, then wash up afterwards. We always had music in the kitchen, and we would dance around and be silly together. To this day, I don't really regard housework as a dismal chore (it's not my favourite thing, but there are ways to enjoy it) and we all still as a family love to dance and have shared favourite songs. Stick on "Everybody Needs Somebody to Love" and we are all on the dancefloor.

that is a lovely reminiscence!!
i really enjoyed reading that

Nothing.My DDS turned more than ok.
Image loads of mistakes,got things wrong but she says I'm a good mum ,what more could I ask for?!

I wish I was more chilled when dd was younger. I was quite strict. She's a teenager now and she's so much more sensible than I was at her age. She doesnt smoke/vape or drink in the park with her mates.
Things I won't regret
We try and watch the new Moriah Elizabeth (her favourite you tuber) video every Friday sat in bed together.
Being utterly ridiculous together- singing really badly, dancing around the kitchen, pretending to be cabin crew and doing the emergency briefing.

Mine are now aged 16, 18 and 20.

I wish I'd been more laid back when they were little. I was always worried about doing things wrong. I relaxed a lot as they got older and I think I'm a better parent for it, I wish I hadn't wasted so much time worrying when they were babies and toddlers.

Best things I did:

Read to them endlessly, and sang to them.

Talked to them all the time and didn't modify my vocabulary just because they were small children.

Stuck to the non-negotiables (eating only at the table, going to bed and staying there unless ill), but didn't worry about the small things (going to bed in wellies and fairy wings was fine, so long as they stayed in bed).

Had a good routine - and not just a sleeping/eating routine (which we did have), but a weekly routine. We didn't stick to it slavishly but it was based around (e.g.) Monday being toddler group, Tuesday the day we met friend X, etc, etc. I think it made them feel secure.

We did lots and lots and lots of walking around our neighbourhood, so they would chat to all the neighbours, the butcher, the lady in the post office etc.

And this is a really big one: there were no smartphones, ipads etc. So if we wanted to go to restaurants, cafes etc, we had to be fully engaged with keeping the DC occupied with hangman, Old Maid, I Spy etc. This is much harder, but infinitely more rewarding for children and parents alike. It's easy for me to say "I'd never stick my child in front of a screen", but it was not an option then.

I suppose these all add up to "spent all my time with them".

Things I did wrong:

Didn't get them to do anywhere near enough domestically, the result being that they now act as if they've been asked to walk to the moon if I ask them to put a cup in the dishwasher.