If you have adult children what do you wish you had done differently?

[coodawoodashooda]

Looking for advice on how best to make the most of my children's younger years whilst not ignoring the important stuff.

I can't think of anything to be honest.

What sort of things are you worrying about whether you are getting them right or not ?

Great question for those of us with younger kids.

Kinda hoping those with older children will say nothing if you've tried your best.

It wax a different time to be a parent, mine are late teens early 20’s.

we didn’t parent by smart phones and tablets, my eldest couldn’t understand that we didn’t really have internet when she was smaller.

Everything was naturally gender neutral, although that changed between the eldest and the youngest.

Rules on weaning and sleeping have changed.

Would I change how I parented back then, I find parenting now harder with more rules and expectations, so no I wouldn’t.

I wish I'd read to them more. Bedtime stories. Instead I was always so desperate to get them to bed so I could relax.

Maybe I wish I had encouraged them to have friends round more. They were always very self contained in their own company and are not very sociable now as adults. But perhaps they never would have been?

Other than that, I did ok I think.

@Beefilm what difference would more bedtime stories actually have made to their lives though?

Looking for advice on how best to make the most of my children's younger years whilst not ignoring the important stuff.

I bet you'd get more answers if you had started a thread asking about the things people have done that, looking back, was a really good decision / something they would 100% do again if they had their time again

@coodawoodashooda what a great post. I have a 16yo and a 10yo. That both have very expensive, time consuming hobbies and I worry that I’m indulging them unnecessarily.

In their later years, what are they going to think was actually important?

I wish that when my dd age 13 said that she wanted to make her own dinners from now on, I hadn't blithely said "ok I'll do your washing up then"
That's come back to bite me in the bum!
And I wish I'd made her do more chores as she does bugger all now, I should have instilled them in her when young.
She's 18 now and so lovely, but I'd love one more day when she was age around 4 and would run out of school and throw herself in my arms, so utterly happy to see me x❤️

Mine are mid to late 20s now, and I agree very much with Yoloohno's post. Mine were the last generation to reach their late teens without smartphones and I am very glad about that.

I did my best and I know I did OK as they have turned into wonderful young men. One thing I do regret is not keeping their screen time down more, they were very into gaming as teenagers.

I honestly think though, that as long as you are doing your best for your children, listen to them and unconditionally love them, you are doing just fine.

Instilled a love of reading?
Given us some shared moments?
Made for a calmer end to the day?
Maybe none of the above. And I did read to them, but I regret not doing so more often because it seems to me a thing I didnt do enough.

I think, (mine are now adults) that I did a reasonable job... they are all still close, still love us and are all (barring youngest who has special needs) independent.

But...I wish I had worried less, especially with my eldest, who is awesome but was a 'high needs' child and in hindsight needed a more experienced parent than I could be, with her being my first! She seemed neurotypical but wasn't and I do wonder if she would have been less anxious (she has asd, had anorexia etc) if I had been more relaxed , trying to do everything by the book!
I definitely became more relaxed and better the more I had :)

Just BE THERE. Let them rabbit on to you even when it drives you nuts, and yes always end the day with a bed time story .Mine can still quote their favourites!

I also wish I'd encouraged them ALL to learn an instrument! One plays (and makes money) with his music, but the others weren't interested, but I wish I had pushed that, and a sport, a bit more than I did.

And make sure you ARE interested in their interest, and do back up their education. I had two girls who were naturally academic and keen to work, a DS1 who wasn't and the teen GCSE years were hideous with him, but I nailed him to the kitchen table with past papers. He hated me at the time, but was grateful after results day when he'd passed them all, when several of his mates had not! (I know thats for the future but still )

And enjoy them... it passes so quickly! I had 4 little children, then I blinked and got 4 grown ups!

Maintain boundaries. Feed them what you eat, don't go down the "children's food" route. Encourage them to never be afraid to try anything and remind them they are not going to be good at everything

Trust my instincts more and stood my ground. I was a young mum and was undermined a lot by my mother. I didn't realise how much until I had my second 20 years later. She absolutely didn't get to pull that shit second time round.

Nothing at all. My boys are 23 & 21. They are lovely, polite, funny, independent adults now and a pleasure to be around. Whether or not that was because of or in spite of my parenting I'll never know. Obviously I prefer to think it was all down to me 😉

Mine are a similar age & I feel the same as you.

Mine are in their 30's now and I couldn't be more proud and happy at the way they live their lives.

I was a very laid-back mother, never let anything bother me . My default reaction was always to let them do what they wanted to do, and to bend over backwards to give them any and all opportunities .

If there was a problem I'd always start by saying "OK we've got a problem, what are we going to do about it". We were and are a team , and that was how we lived our lives.

I'm very happy that we didn't have smart phones , social media etc . I'm sure that bringing up children is harder now because of that. I brought my kids up by my own expectations and beliefs, and there was no pressure from the outside world.

Mine are mid/late 20's.
Like previous posters both of mine were read to, and became prolific readers. My DS kids were around 5 years older than mine, and she gave me the best advice I ever got.
'Always start bedtimes as you mean to go on'. Aged 5/7 they both went to bed at 6.30pm, and read together for 30mins, then went to sleep. I'm not sure how I managed to pull it off to this day 😂 xxx

God, massive difference. After shelter, being fed and loved, a love of reading is arguably the most important gift you can give a child.

My DD is 11 and I'm also really interested by the observations in this thread and would love to hear how to improve but I'm fairly sure reading to my DD every night was a win.

Buy less stuff! Honestly, they actually need so little and I'd recommend investing the money instead. Not necessarily for them 😁

Interesting question. I can tell you what I do not regret- sitting with them and holding them while they go to sleep. I ignored all the “making a rod for your own back” comments and responded to my kids’ needs as best as I could.

I’m definitely not a perfect mum but I will not regret all the many hours spent breastfeeding them to sleep, and later on, singing to them and holding their sweaty little hands as they dropped off to sleep. Precious moments they were❤️

And we've always prioritised going on holiday a couple of times a year and I don't regret a single one.

I made photo books after every holiday and I'm so glad I did. I love looking through those now!

So important to keep encouraging out of school (not connected with school) activities. Then when/if stuff goes wrong with school, the kids have 'something' and other people that are not connected. This was a lifesaver for my son.

Don't take mental health stuff for granted - if they need help, they need help now. Don't wait. You're possibly only seeing the tip of the iceberg.

Just because they turn 18, doesn't mean they magically become adults overnight.

Talk, talk, talk, talk. Let them know they can call you any time!

@BunniesBunniesBunnies that’s so lovely 😊 my almost one year old DD is napping in my arms just now, so many other things I need to do, but I don’t think any of them would be as valuable and precious as being with her.

Wish I'd quit work. Wasted all that time working. Would have been better off a bit skint but happier and more relaxed.

I wish I was more chilled out. I was always stressing and telling them off for silly things really which I thought at the time were so important.

Make the most of every minute because when people say they grow up so quickly - they really do 😭