To not let my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone?

[TiredTravelMug]

Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a darling 8 year old boy. It's just me and him and always has been. Lately though, whenever we go out shopping or to eat etc, if he needs the bathroom, I'll insist on taking him into the ladies. I've been told I worry too much (very true!) And I trust my boy not to misbehave or talk to strangers, but there's still that part of my brain that says "better safe than sorry".

The problem is, my boy is almost 9 and is getting really embarrassed about having to use the ladies in public. He asks everytime if he can use the mens room and as much as I want him to be independent and things like that, my need to protect him from any possible harm overwhelms me and I say no.

So, am I being unreasonable, or taking extra steps to keep him safe? He is still a very young child at the end of the day, and as much as I ask him to use the bathroom before we leave the house, sometimes nature calls!

Thank you!

Sadly vile paedophiles can strike anywhere we had an issue on the metro when Dd2 was 11 (we were both there) and again when she was on a bus aged 13 on her own 😔. The problem is men they are the ones that have to change we shouldn’t be fighting amongst ourselves. .

I’m just surprised these late primary /pre teen NT lads even agree to even go into the Ladies with mummy! Aren’t they mortified?

I saw one mum send her pre teen (taller than me) boy into the ladies, while she waited outside. He was very reluctant, but she insisted. Poor boy looked absolutely mortified.

i have also seen a mum walk an older teenage boy through a womens changing room in a sports centre in order to access the womens toilets. She had her hands over his eyes while doing so, so clearly knew it was inappropriate.

same sports centre my 8 year old girl opened a shower cubicle to find a fully naked pre teen boy in the shower. His had had his swim lesson, and was showering and changing in the womens while his mum watched his younger sisters swim lesson on the pool side.

it’s ridiculous.

Depends on the toilets. 8 is a borderline age. Sometimes I would let DS, and sometimes I would still take him in the ladies'.

And seriously, all this talk of women and girls needing privacy - these are eight year old, pre-pubescent boys.

It's more about teaching them to behave respectfully- nobody should EVER be allowing a child to look under a toilet door!!

well @Sapphire387 the few posts before yours showed how fucking pathetic some of these mothers/boys are being and it is inappropriate.

Teen boy in the shower? I would have raised merry fucking hell

So many of us have had negative experiences of being vulnerable trying to change a tampon or sanitary towel and had a small boy sticking his head under the partition gap

wait…what? Have we?!

naaaaah. I’m not saying it never ever happens but I’m not buying that this is a regular occurrence….

Basically, the boys want our help here. And I'm fine as long as they behave nicely - and i'd appreciate it if their mothers weren't acting like agressive fuckers and appreciate that we are helping them keep their boys safe

I do agree with this though.

also, in the changing rooms, I accept your seven year old son needs to go in there with you. I really do. But if you could stop pretending that you don’t notice him staring, that would be great.

So do all dads accompany their sons into toilets up to a certain age, even if dad doesn't need to go, just incase a paedo lurks

Assuming this isn’t a wind-up thread, YABVU and your son is right to feel embarrassed.

I don’t have boys 🤷🏻‍♀️I just don’t believe that this is a regular occurrence.

Please don't use the disabled toilet as an alternative. I have MS.
He needs to use the men's toilets.

I don’t have boys 🤷🏻‍♀️I just don’t believe that this is a regular occurrence.

you are ridiculous. "I don't have boys and i just don't believe that they are approached by nonces that much. They can go in the men's" is what we should say in reply. But we don't we say:
a) sure but they have to behave
b) if they don't behave we don't want them
c) when they start being embarassed about it, it is time to find another solution.

If we have to believe that they are at risk of bad things every time they go to pee, you can do us the courtesy of believing us when we say we don't want them peering under the door at us and that it happens.

Yeah, that has literally never happened to me in my 32 years on the planet, nor have I ever seen it happen in any public toilet that I've been in.

I actually think this is worse for men when roles reversed. I know my husband used to hate taking our little girls into the mens with him. If they'd been 7 or 8, they'd definitely have gone to the ladies on they're own. Age 5 and under, they had to go in the mens with him.

Oh you’re giving me flashbacks to a dreadful thread where the OP was adamant her DH was not BU going into the ladies as he had his daughter with him.

The only time I've ever stuck up for a man using the ladies loo was a small, one or two cubicle (can't remember) place on a seafront, mens right nextdoor. He had a toddler and a baby with him, rainy day, both children needed shitty nappies changing, and there was no changing table in the mens. Two old ladies were having a go at him for being in there. I stuck up for him.

He should be using the mens toilets as it sounds like that is what he wants to do, just make sure that you are somewhere in earshot so he can shout if something happens.