To not let my 8 year old son go to the bathroom alone?

[TiredTravelMug]

Hi all,

I'm a single mum to a darling 8 year old boy. It's just me and him and always has been. Lately though, whenever we go out shopping or to eat etc, if he needs the bathroom, I'll insist on taking him into the ladies. I've been told I worry too much (very true!) And I trust my boy not to misbehave or talk to strangers, but there's still that part of my brain that says "better safe than sorry".

The problem is, my boy is almost 9 and is getting really embarrassed about having to use the ladies in public. He asks everytime if he can use the mens room and as much as I want him to be independent and things like that, my need to protect him from any possible harm overwhelms me and I say no.

So, am I being unreasonable, or taking extra steps to keep him safe? He is still a very young child at the end of the day, and as much as I ask him to use the bathroom before we leave the house, sometimes nature calls!

Thank you!

Would you let your 10 year old daughter do alone into the men's toilets at Kings Cross station? No so why would you let your 10 year old son? Same risk

Exactly. No one would dream of letting a ten year old girl go into a room alone where random men you know nothing about are in to use the toilet.. A ten year old boy is equally vulnerable and unable to defend themselves. It's very odd that so many posters view them as male before they view them as vulnerable children.

The massive toilet in a service station would likely be safer as there will be more men in there(unless you assume all men are paedophiles) and therefore more witnesses to inappropriate behaviour.

What about a 13 year old girl/boy? DS was 5 foot nothing and 40kg at 13 (and often mistaken for a girl). Where do you draw the line?

Thank you! That's the point I was making but it seems to have gone over some posters heads.

Change what behaviour though? Male toilets are a safe space for males. As I posted earlier, you are statistically more likely to fall down the stairs than get assaulted in a male toilet. This thread is generated by OPs anxiety and not based on reality.

A safe space? Do you not believe that boys (or men) are ever assaulted in toilets? They might be a safe space most of the time but not all the time.

Exactly. I do feel mens toilets are unsafe in some places but unfortunately I'm not in a position to demand that all places have unisex or family facilities so we are where we are, making the decision on a case by case basis.

and again: I get it. But why is all the insistence here that women and girls just suck it up? and why isn't someone starting a campaign to make men's toilets safe for boys? No. Again, as ever, women and girls must budge up and men get to do what they like.

Also: we know from previous discussions that male bodied (and with male patterns of offending) can simply waltz into a woman's toilet. So no toilets are apparently safe. We also know that pubescent boys attack young girls. Again: where is the campaign to make men's toilets saer?

Exactly this. So much Misandry oooozing throughout this thread I've been sliding around on it trying to put those exact thoughts Into words!

If you are worried knock like a cleaner does and call out is there anyone in here. Opposite sex Cleaners do it all the time before they go into toilets to clean. So just wait until it’s free

I think that is worse. You'd put a child at risk based on your preference, accepting there is no risk to you.

One hundred percent agree, it’s quite unbelievable the total batshittery being posted.

What do you suggest? A police officer on duty in every public toilet in the land 24/7?

Misandry oooozing throughout this thread I've been sliding around on it trying to put those exact thoughts Into words!

frankly? the misandry is against countless men using toilets and going about their day, but are being considered too dangerous for a boy to be allowed to pee in the correct toilet for their sex. That is our husbands, friends, fathers and brothers you're accusing.

What do you suggest? A police officer on duty in every public toilet in the land 24/7?

I don't know - what do you think a sensible suggestion would be?

Would you be happy with any male in female loos? If not where is the line?

Well one way would be instead of having a communal male or female toilets with flimsy cubicles have properly secure individual toilets opening onto a road or public place which can be used by anyone. No issue a mum taking her son in or a man taking his daughter.

I've just posted it.

To add I also have a 12 year old girl and I guarantee she wouldn't bat an eyelid at a young boy being in the ladies toilet with his mum. She can't see his bits, he can't see hers. All this outrage is from grown women who can't distinguish between a mother wanting to ensure her young son is safe and men invading women's spaces.

So do we pretend that boys don't get abused in public toilets in case it offends decent men? Shall we do the same with rape/murder or anything else.

How about men stop behaving in a predatory manner? That's the root cause of the issue.

(Sits back an waits for the NAMALT brigade to arrive)

Totally agree.

Again for everyone who apparently can't read. There are several issues:

the child in the OP doesn't want to use the ladies. His mother must come up with a solution for that or when does she stop insisting he use the women's facilities?

men's toilets aren't safe. I don't have statistics to hand. I can imagine that in some circumstances they are not. With a mum shouting through the door? no idea. I find the idea of tarring all men with the same brush a bit "meh" but i am also unwilling to "NAMLT"

some women don't want boys, some of them relatively big, in their facilities. In my case i have had a boy trying to peer under then over my stall while his mother has been doing whatever it is she was doing in her cubicle. That is unacceptable. (using the logic of others: yes not all boys, but one is too many)

boys grow up knowing they can go wherever they want and nobody is allowed to say "no"

girls grow up knowing boys can go wherever they want and nobody is allowed to say "no"

men's toilets are unsafe - how to handle that?

One of the reasons i rather a daughter did not go into the men's toilets is because men wee at urinals with their willies out. I don't want my daughters to see penises particularly. Boys however who are in possession of said penis, im not so concerned about.