AIBU?
DH wants to move to London as soon as DC go to uni
GoutFine · 14/10/2022 22:16
DH is from London and we moved to the Home Counties when DC were small for schools/ quality of life. I have always loved it and he has loved it but always missed London. We met in London but I was from another area of the UK originally so don't have the same emotional ties.
Now the DC are older and youngest l due to start uni next year DH has said very strongly he is desperate to move back to central London. He wants to sell our lovely family home and buy a "lovely" flat in zone 1, with spare rooms for the children.
We have lived where we are for 18 years and built up a great network of friends and I'm so emotionally attached to this area as this is all our children have ever known. If it were up to me I'd stay here and the DC would still have their family home to return to. In all likelihood they'd be living with us for a while after uni and we are within easy commuting distance to London (25 minutes into Marylebone and we are a short walk from the station).
He says I'm being unfair as he has lived here for so long and he belongs in London and wants to live back there. I feel my life is here end don't see why he must live in London when we are so close anyway. I mainly feel sad for the children I don't want them to lose their family home and the friendships and connections they have here.
WIBU to refuse to move? He is desperate to.
SD1978 · 14/10/2022 22:21
If your main objection is the kids, then that's not enough. They may have connections around there, but they will be off like shits and on with their own lives- as will any friends they have in the area with the right opportunity. If the main objection is your life and friends, then that's a valid one. Your kids don't care about the family home, you do. Instead of framing it about your adult children, tell him why you don't want to.
MsVestibule · 14/10/2022 22:24
Can he articulate why central London has such a pull for him, especially as it's literally 30 minutes from his front door? How does he envision his life there? Is it having the museums, theatres etc within walking distance? Does he still have friends there? Or just the general buzz? (If that's a thing!)
Vulpine · 14/10/2022 22:24
I'm surprised that your husband us so desperate to move given the lovely life you have had
ItsRainingTacos79 · 14/10/2022 22:26
As much as he would love to move back, has he checked the price of 'lovely' flats in zone 1 which which will give you 'spare rooms'?
GoutFine · 14/10/2022 22:26
He still has some friends there and he wants to be in the thick of everything, walking everywhere (we can walk to things now but limited options) and he likes very crowded busy environments and even things like huge buildings. I find London claustrophobic, crowded, can't stand the traffic, don't like the tube. I like the space and openness where we are now and we are going to have to give up so much. He feels he's done his time and talks about the years here as if he sacrificed his happiness for the family.
TheHouseonHauntedHill · 14/10/2022 22:27
Op ,I can't speak for all the young but wouldn't living in London be more of a draw for them?
More exciting?
Your friends I'm sure would be very keen to visit you in London? As would theirs.
Your home will become a hub ! Get lot's of sofa beds and spare beds.
I feel sorry for him,he's so desperate to move back and he's waited all this time.
We're it the other way...I would urge caution but being in London socially is a massively draw.
Divebar2021 · 14/10/2022 22:27
It’s fair enough to not want to leave because of your friendship circle but find it odd you would seriously stay in an area for your adult children. I doubt that they are as sentimental about it as you are. I know a couple who have moved back into London after living out in Sussex. They seem to be having a great time off to exhibitions and gigs etc. What sort of things does your DH actually want to do in London. Is there a plan or is he just harking back to London or 25 years ago.
GoutFine · 14/10/2022 22:28
@Vulpine so am I - I think he almost equates London with "success" and now the children aren't here he would be bored in this area. So much of our lovely life was built around family activities and now obviously we are moving into a different stage.
Dotcheck · 14/10/2022 22:28
Maybe indulge him, and look at some of the flats you could afford. I wonder if severely downsizing would change his mind
TheHouseonHauntedHill · 14/10/2022 22:29
I would look at flats as well.
It's a city yes, but it's not all crowed.
Have you looked at places like Hampstead?
Maray1967 · 14/10/2022 22:30
I’m not staying here for our DC to see their friends - we’ve made that clear to both of them. But we’re planning to move somewhere that we both want to go to - I would not move somewhere that I didn’t like.
Hbh17 · 14/10/2022 22:31
It sounds lovely . My dream is to retire to a flat in central London (from the north west) but, sadly, I'll never be able to afford it.
Your children will be doing their own thing anyway, so I'm not sure why they would be a factor in this decision.
GoutFine · 14/10/2022 22:32
Do you think relocating when you don't want to to please a partner would be ok - would you be able to make peace with it?
Even the nice (v expensive) areas are snarled up with traffic and a totally different lifestyle to where we are now.
CityKity · 14/10/2022 22:32
I agree with a PP - I would keep this about you and your DH and not leverage adult childrens guilt in this situation.
My parents did a similar move and obviously I was sad to leave the only home that I knew (at that time), but from the minute they moved into central London it was amazing for all of us. Post university I had easy access to internships without much of a commute and they have infinite access to concerts, shows, art exhibitions and east access to airports for travelling.
Now they’re getting older access to good healthcare is really important, and living in town has been great for that as well as not having to rely on a car when health starts to decline. It’s been almost 20 years and they have made new friends, and I see them almost every week as it’s so much more convenient to pop in after work etc.
I understand your reservations but I understand your DHs pull into town a lot.
Dipsy12 · 14/10/2022 22:32
I live in zone 3 bit am eyeing a move somewhere in Zone 1 once the kids has flown the nest so I am team DH I'm afraid!
An old boss of mine lived out in Essex in a big family home and bought a shoe box in zone 1 to crash when needed. When their son left home he and his wife found they spent more and more time in the flat and hardly any time in the house so sold the family home and bought a 3 bed flat in London. Their agenda had completely changed once they were no longer parenting. Their son (and all his mates) loved it for nights out!
catandcoffee · 14/10/2022 22:34
The London he left 18 years ago, has changed and not for the better.
paintitallover · 14/10/2022 22:35
I wouldn't leave until they have finished uni, unless they are agreeable.
Untitledsquatboulder · 14/10/2022 22:37
I think you owe it to him to give it serious consideration. That doesn't mean you have to ultimately agree but an open minded discussion is only fair. Hanging on to the family home for sentimental reasons or in case an adult child wants to return is a weak argument (your network of friends is a far stronger one).
alanabennett · 14/10/2022 22:38
SD1978 · 14/10/2022 22:21
If your main objection is the kids, then that's not enough. They may have connections around there, but they will be off like shits and on with their own lives- as will any friends they have in the area with the right opportunity. If the main objection is your life and friends, then that's a valid one. Your kids don't care about the family home, you do. Instead of framing it about your adult children, tell him why you don't want to.
Off like shits? That's a bit harsh 😂
mondaytosunday · 14/10/2022 22:41
I get it. I didn't when younger and my parents friends all sold their big suburban homes for smaller flats in the city. But I do now. They wanted to be walking distance to shops, restaurants and theatre and where the action is!
Can he get a small pied a terre there and you spend part of the week there part at your bigger home?
dottiedodah · 14/10/2022 22:42
I lived in London as a child. Fond memories, but love our life on South Coast too much! Will he be able to adjust as a middle age man to life in a London flat do you think? I would look at some flats and see how much you can get for the money and how sound proofing there is! He is being a bit unreasonable here.20 years is a long time and you are entitled to your say as well
colouringindoors · 14/10/2022 22:43
Hmmm. How realistic do you think he is about life in central London? I sympathise with your perspective. Perhaps a compromise could be to rent out your home and rent somewhere in London for a year? Does he see himself living there for the duration? If so if he wants reasonable services inc GP you'll need to be in a good area - can you actually afford somewhere like that with spare rooms for the kids?
stevalnamechanger · 14/10/2022 22:43
You'd be mad to do it . I live in London .
Dirty , hectic , increasing violent crime
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