DH wants to move to London as soon as DC go to uni

[GoutFine]

DH is from London and we moved to the Home Counties when DC were small for schools/ quality of life. I have always loved it and he has loved it but always missed London. We met in London but I was from another area of the UK originally so don't have the same emotional ties.

Now the DC are older and youngest l due to start uni next year DH has said very strongly he is desperate to move back to central London. He wants to sell our lovely family home and buy a "lovely" flat in zone 1, with spare rooms for the children.

We have lived where we are for 18 years and built up a great network of friends and I'm so emotionally attached to this area as this is all our children have ever known. If it were up to me I'd stay here and the DC would still have their family home to return to. In all likelihood they'd be living with us for a while after uni and we are within easy commuting distance to London (25 minutes into Marylebone and we are a short walk from the station).

He says I'm being unfair as he has lived here for so long and he belongs in London and wants to live back there. I feel my life is here end don't see why he must live in London when we are so close anyway. I mainly feel sad for the children I don't want them to lose their family home and the friendships and connections they have here.

WIBU to refuse to move? He is desperate to.

Nope I'd rather divorce. You've grown to want different things.

We plan to move to central London for retirement too so I am instinctively on his side - I suspect your kids would love it and you would probably see a lot more of them if they end up working in London.

I think giving it a trial run by renting out your house is a good idea. There are a couple of compromise options which also might be worth talking about:

Quieter/greener area of London

Moving somewhere in the home counties better connected - e.g. if you're currently a drive to a large town with a train station, moving to the town

Flat on a side of London which makes it quick to get to where you currently live

Second home in London which you Airbnb much of the year

I think it's worth talking through what specifically you both want. Is it being able to see your friends that's important to you? Or green space? Or an activity you do? Is it not driving everywhere that's important to him? Is it more cultural things? Etc

Agree with the other posters it's sounds like a divorce is on. The cards.

I live in Zone 2. I want to leave.

There's too much building going on, too many flats, makes me feel claustrophobic and overlooked. The crime is unbelievable, stabbings all the damn time, drugs dealt openly in the street, everything costs a FORTUNE, it's dirty, transport is becoming unreliable, and expensive.

If your husband wants to leave, let him, but have the door open for when he comes back.

My husband makes noises to leave London but always makes more noises saying, "now isn't the time". I come from the Midlands and recently felt the pull to go back. We will split up over this.

I'm sorry ai can't be more positive.

Don't just shut him down. Rent a flat in London for a couple of month, try to see if it works for either of you

Is he longing for his youth?

I am an immigrant and I sometimes have strong yearnings to go "home", but I discovered a long time ago that I am actually yearning for a particular place in time, rather than the city/country itself. I'm remembering old friends and great nights in well loved locations, funny stories, and generally being young and having fun.

When I go back to visit, everything has changed, and so have I. I don't suddenly turn into a 25 yr old again.

I think your DH is being a bit unreasonable. It sounds like you're really close to London and go there all the time. I suppose it wouldn't hurt to look at some flats, but I can't understand how this adds anything to your life when you're already so close.

We moved into central Bristol from the middle of the country at that point and it was a great move. Why not be open to something new? Change is good for you.

This!

I am an immigrant and I sometimes have strong yearnings to go "home", but I discovered a long time ago that I am actually yearning for a particular place in time, rather than the city/country itself. I'm remembering old friends and great nights in well loved locations, funny stories, and generally being young and having fun.

I think this is a good insight but actually I think the OP is doing this a bit as well - it feels like she's not ready to let go of the family house because she doesn't want to let go of the raising a family stage of life. E.g. I bet her adult kids would be way more excited about zone 1 in their 20s than living in the home counties

What a shame that your DH has made it seem like they moved out if London just to make you happy. There are so many London boroughs, such as Bromley or Croydon that are close enough to London and theatres etc but are also close enough to the country if need be. Perhaps even consider Epsom, Farnborough, those sorts of places, although they still may not be close enough to central London for DH.

In the country I live now, we first lived near the city (a 10 minute drive) and the traffic is sort of nonexistent unless there’s been an accident and we now live about 40 minutes by train or car (very little traffic) to the city. Which is also the capital. But we live in a place where there is only 2.5 people per square mile! With a total population of 2.5 million, so there’s huge swathes of country that are unpopulated. And the next nearest country is a plane ride of about 5 hours away!

I don’t think I could ever live in a place that was teeming with people. Even going into the city to look around the shops there aren’t queues to pay or anything like that. So I do really sympathise!

I think some of the PP have made good suggestions such as having a pied a terre in London and keeping the family home, or downsizing where you are now and splitting your time. If you can afford it, that sounds reasonable!

Your husband is being truly silly.

if you live 30 minutes away you can still enjoy everything that London has to offer anytime you want...

Moving into a flat in zone 1 would be very expensive and you would be stuck with the dreadful leasehold system: service charges, ground rents, repair costs you can't control.

Plus increased noise, pollution and anti-social behaviour.

I would understand a move to a nice London suburb (Zone 3 or 4) where you could get a house and some green spaces but I would say no to what your husband is suggesting.

I have lived in London for decades but I am leaving it in a few weeks because as I grew older I have felt increasingly uneasy about the amount of noise, anti-social behaviour and littering that I see around me everyday and the general stress of the lifestyle. This is not the place I want to grow old in.

I agree. I'm also pissing myself at 'I walk everywhere' comments. Do people in London think the rest of the UK don't use their legs? With the exception of the minority that live very rurally we all walk everywhere 😁

I hadn't thought of it that way, but you make a good point. I suppose I saw it in the DH more readily because I can personally relate that.

@Parmesam ·
''I live in Zone 2. I want to leave.

There's too much building going on, too many flats, makes me feel claustrophobic and overlooked. The crime is unbelievable, stabbings all the damn time, drugs dealt openly in the street, everything costs a FORTUNE, it's dirty, transport is becoming unreliable, and expensive.''

Same here. I live in zone 2 and I am moving out of London.

I see drug deals everyday and seriously dodgy people walking around all the time. Stabbings are common place. Noise pollution is constant, crowded tube, everything is ridiculously expensive.

Yes, London has a wonderful diversity and cultural life but you can still access that if you live from commuting distance and you don't have to put up with all the negative aspects.

We live in Cornwall and we're moving to London as soon as they're off to uni. Can't wait is an understatement.

I love the noise, the traffic, the multiculturalism.

I’m in zone 3. Lots of parks, cafes, easy peasy to get into central.
maybe look at what you can afford, think about what you’d need to make it work for you (eg, next to a big and beautiful park like Hampstead or Greenwich) and then have an informed discussion.

Dd has just moved to Uni and is home. I just asked her, how would she feel if I sold up and moved to zone one. For a second she thought it was an option.

Even though it would be further away so less visits home, she thinks it would be amazing. And we live in Yorkshire. Her uni is also in Yorkshire. She pointed out that if she wanted to visit friends she still would or invite them to London.

Obviously she is just one person but I do think a lot of young people would love if their parents moved to the centre of London and that’s where they went when going home.

Oh and she already walks everywhere in the Yorkshire city she is in.

Whatever the practicalities, if you don't like cities, don't do it OP. There is no point moving somewhere you already know you hate. Surely there is some way to compromise here.

To me, London is dirty, noisy, crowded, cramped, polluted, dangerous. I lived there for 10 years and couldn't move back there now.

If you feel the same, and not just a mild preference, you're going to have to address this head on. You have to tell your DH how you feel, rather then spend £000s moving, only to be desperately unhappy.

First of all, has he actually costed this out? Has he looked at what the cost of moving would be not to mention the cost of a flat in Central London? That would be my first thought because he can talk all he wants about 'walking to a restaurant' but you need to know what you can

Afford!

My parents are in their 80s and live in zone 2. They'd definitely disagree with the comments about it not being a place to grow old in.

And I would rather saw my own leg off than live in the “Home Counties” (shudder). We’re all different.

I do find it tiresome when people say Londoners are rude though. I’ve lived here a long time and the vast majority of people are very helpful and pleasant.

I’d let him browse what your potential budget could buy nowadays.

The zone 1 2-bed flat I bought for £340k in 2003 recently sold for over £1m. I wouldn’t move back even if I wanted to, as the price rises are absolutely bonkers!! 😂

I forgot to mention the service charge. It was £6k a year back then. Goodness knows what that is 19 years later 🫣