"All men cheat, you just never find out about it"

[Maryfast]

I'm part of a mixed friendship group who have been friends since school. We went on a night out Saturday night and my partner works away (we've been together 4 years and bought a house last year). He tends to work away for 3 weeks and then be home for 2 weeks.

Anyway, friends were asking how he was and conversation soon turned to how some would never do a relationship that entails being far apart from each other for certain amounts of time. Then conversation turned to trust and I was saying how I can never imagine he'd cheat on me and how lovely he is.

That"s when one my male friends made the comment on the thread title, followed by how all the males he know outside our friendship group have cheated but all the friends never say anything.

I don't believe this to be true at all and I've never imagined my partner cheating. Does anyone else believe in the view that "men have an innate ability to cheat?"

I think it's nonsense

Misogynistic thinking which excuses men as “that’s what all men do” but if women do it, well that’s not normal is it so must be something wrong with her. Btw I hate all kinds of cheating but I don’t agree all men do it, just the same way I don’t agree all women do it. In some set ups men may have more of an opportunity to cheat ie working away, spending time away from children etc but the innate nature there is no difference and this type of thinking is from unpleasant men with double standards.

There are going to be pockets where infidelity is more frequent. For example, banking, if the Wolf of Wall St culture still exists.

Also, working abroad, particularly in places like the Gulf is going to be a risk factor. I read an article that described family men becoming "priapic stallions" as soon as their families were out of town.

There are still cultures where it's more acceptable for men to cheat. There seems to be a pretty awful attitude in Spain that it's OK for men to use sex workers, and that must mean plenty of men in relationships using them.

Plus in recent times it's probably become harder to say then cheating happens given the (in my view weird and toxic) rules of modern dating.

BUT the idea that all men cheat or would like to is just part of the wider cult of sex, the idea that everyone is getting loads or ought to be. In reality sex - especially casual sex - has been on the decline for ages. Survey after survey confirms this. And it's easy to see why. Getting it on with a work colleague can cost you your job. It used not to. Online dating rather than meeting randoms in pubs means fewer hook ups. Online porn means men especially will scratch their itch by themselves or / and fine themselves sexual dysfunction. All this will have translated into less cheating.

Sales is rife with it.
All work events especially those with lay overs away from home.

I really agree with this!!

I knew of a lot of people from my DC's junior school who had affairs, men and women.

They tended to be the more affluent ones and they were always the more shallow ones too.

So yes, 50 year old married women with kids will be having affairs with 50 year old married men.

Yes. But my point was the pool of women to cheat with is far bigger than simply women their own age.

Are people suggesting no middle-aged man ever sleeps with the au pair, for example?

Single people are single.
They are not cheating or having affairs. They are single young unattatched people.

Not all single people are young. And whatever your age, if you have sex with someone you know is attached, you're not totally innocent - though you do also get those who fail to mention inconvenient little details like being married.

They tended to be the more affluent ones and they were always the more shallow ones too.

I assume some of that is opportunity - more affluent people are more likely to be two-car households, afford babysitters, and be able to afford hotel rooms, so you can go further away from the local area. Money makes affairs logistically easier.

Sadly there are middle aged men use their position as employer, provider of the roof over a woman's head and in some cases the means by which she is able to remain in the UK, to exploit her. However the men wealthy enough to employ an au pair, are, in the context of all the men in the UK who have affairs, a very small group.
You will always get the minority who through wealth, status or power are able to get young women to have affairs with them, but that's exactly what they are, a minority. The average man is not in that position.

@Creasedlinen did your husband know ?

not judging at all just curious

Well I've been in my relationship 7 years he wouldn't cheat not all men cheat

Well he doesn't think much of himself, or his friends.

At a guess both sides can be just as bad depending on the situation and opportunity

I think a majority of humans cheat either in thought or deed at some point. Emotional affairs, real affairs. I’d have saved d three years ago my husband would never cheat, but boy I’d have been wrong.

Its not true at all, and they are not a good friend for saying that, knowing the seed it will have planted in your brain

Ugh I hate this attitude! I travel extensively and if I had a £1 for every time I was asked 'are you ever tempted?' I could retire! The truth is I think most people have the opportunity at some point, both close to home and away but most people don't. DP and I trust each other until one gives a reason not to. We don't check each others phones or try to catch each other out but we both know if someone strays we are done.

I don't think either of us ever would but if it happens we will cross that bridge at the time I guess. I don't think worrying or stressing about it will make it any less likely, your friend is a duck and this smacks of their own insecurity and/or behaviour imo

Autocorrected to duck but y'all know what I meant 😄

HE cheats, he associates himself with people who cheat so his friends all cheat, he thinks it's acceptable to cheat, so because he has a room temperature IQ he extrapolates from that fact that ALL men must cheat. Because he simply can't fathom that people have different morals and values from him and his little friends.

I couldn't be in a relationship if I was so cynical. I trust my husband. I know he's been in a few positions where he could have cheated easily and I wouldn't have known, but I trust him. I've also been in positions where I could've cheated, but I love my husband and I wouldn't do that. I think the opportunity presents itself to almost everyone at some point, but the idea that everyone would give in to the temptation is just... not something I'm happy believing.

I'm sure there are plenty on here who would say I'm naïve, that his transparency is a smoke screen to hide his poor behaviour, that he's definitely 100% cheated on me. But I wouldn't be married to him if I believed that was true or a possibility, so I trust in my instinct that while a lot of men (and women) DO cheat, it's not all.

Well, your friend has some shit guys in his circle.