"All men cheat, you just never find out about it"

[Maryfast]

I'm part of a mixed friendship group who have been friends since school. We went on a night out Saturday night and my partner works away (we've been together 4 years and bought a house last year). He tends to work away for 3 weeks and then be home for 2 weeks.

Anyway, friends were asking how he was and conversation soon turned to how some would never do a relationship that entails being far apart from each other for certain amounts of time. Then conversation turned to trust and I was saying how I can never imagine he'd cheat on me and how lovely he is.

That"s when one my male friends made the comment on the thread title, followed by how all the males he know outside our friendship group have cheated but all the friends never say anything.

I don't believe this to be true at all and I've never imagined my partner cheating. Does anyone else believe in the view that "men have an innate ability to cheat?"

I think it's nonsense

That would only make sense if that was the only variable. A lot of men pay for sex.

So single women then.
It's still the same set.

Not necessarily! Some escorts/prostitutes are in relationships.

Besides, a LOT of men use cam girls, sex chat lines etc. Not physically cheating, but would still certainly be 'cheating' in a lot of marriages.

It's too simplistic to say it's can't be statistically possible that more men cheat. You seem to be standing by that, and I disagree completely and stand by that.

So escorts and prostitutes in marriages would fall into the 'in relationship' category.

I do understand that this idea is too simplistic and that there are many more variables.

I am trying to simplify things to show that if ALL (or most) men in relationships cheat and women generally don't then there would be an imbalance in the partner numbers for men and women who are single.

You think 50 year old men, 40 year old men have affairs/cheat with 50 year old married women with children?

No, they do not.
Likewise 60 year olds.

Do you think 30 year old first time SAHM cheat?

OPPORTUNITY.

You think 50 year old men, 40 year old men have affairs/cheat with 50 year old married women with children?

Yes I do. This is part of the demographic of women on married people ‘dating’ sites.

And if it’s an affair found in RL, middle aged married women with children are likely to be in the social circles of middle aged married men. So they are the people available to start affairs with.

So they are the people available to start affairs with.

There is also the office junior, younger colleagues, random women working in public facing roles, such as waitresses, bartenders, random women in the gym, students looking for financing by a "sugar daddy", etc etc.

Your average man in his 40s, 50s, or 60s, is usually looking for a woman in her 30s or younger. This is born out on dating sites.

Either way, most men do cheat, in some form if they can.

If women do too, good for them.

Judging from some replies, people do not indeed find out about it.

@mauveskies I agree with you.

Did you mean to respond to my post?
It doesn't seem related.

Yes, I did. Sorry you did not understand.🤔

It's not an opinion on who cheats with who.

I was merely stating that statistically if most men in relationships have affairs and women generally do not, then single women must have many more partners than single men.

Their age is totally irrelevant.

Single people are single.
They are not cheating or having affairs. They are single young unattatched people.

When I was 25/30 I had lots of boyfriends. So what? Easy for me to have lots of boyfriends/flings if I chose to. No idea if it is as easy for young men... probably. We are all looking for long term partners in our 20s (mainly) and this is how we do it.

This thread is about male infidelity. When men are, by definition, coupled with a spouse or person with whom they have DCs. It is about whether they "cheat".

... the age is therefore totally relevant.

I'm really sorry you don't understand my posts at all.

I am not sure anybody does.

They can be looking for what they want! Doesn’t mean they will get it. Not many women in their 20s are going to be interested in a man in his 60s. Nor do I think young waitresses and bar tenders are low hanging fruit for 55 year old married men. This is the stuff of sad middle aged man fantasy.

50 year old women also have sex drives, not uncommonly super boosted by peri menopause, and being a mother also does not mean you are no longer interested in sex. So yes, 50 year old married women with kids will be having affairs with 50 year old married men.

The 'average' man in his 40-60s would not find a young single woman who would have an affair with him. This stereotype of the wealthy, charismatic silver fox that can attract young single women for a no strings affair, applies to...well...no one ive ever met.
And certainly to too few men to account for the number who are supposed to be having affairs. If 45 year old 'average' Joe Bloke manages to find an AP, the odds are it's not with the hot young woman who serves him his pint on a Friday, no matter how much he wishes it was.

I'm not so sure. I know a lot of couples who are on a second marriage for at least the man, and the women are 10-15 years younger while the ex wife isn't. They are all ordinary people, by which I mean they are all nice people and nice looking enough, but the men aren't loaded and the women aren't supermodels. AFAIK none of them started as affairs, but it does seem to be quite common.

The few middle aged men I have known to have affairs have them with middle aged women. In at least one case the AP was five years older than the wife!

I suppose it depends on what is 'ordinary' within your circle. In mine, ordinary middle aged men are very rarely what you'd class as good looking. Certainly not when compared to men 10/15 years younger than them. Also the people you know are not having affairs, so the younger women in these scenarios at least have commitment, security and exclusivity.
Very few 20s women are looking to be the AP of an older man unless he is loaded.

Lots of men do cheat and are very cunning at hiding it. Lots of women cheat as well.

It's often people you may least expect, they are often very 'nice' and justify cheating in odd ways 'I was bored/working away/wife will never know' etc.

Of course not every man cheats but let me tell you many, many more than you'd think have and do.
How do I know?
I work in events. Men of all ages, seniority, standing... It's eye opening. So, men who attend corporate events, golf events, Christmas parties etc.
Worst place I've witnessed it. The Belfry in the midlands. Worst profession for it: sales/business development.

I'd say any high pressure job which involves trips away/nights out.

I'd also agree it's not always younger women. Maybe there's a certain sort of man who's always chasing someone young and glamorous, but the "good" people I've know who cheated it was always someone similar age to them.

Then you don't understand how these surveys work. If you don't respond to them they find someone else to make up their sample.

Scientific polling is pretty accurate give or take a few percent.

It's a lot more reliable than gossip and bragging.