"All men cheat, you just never find out about it"

[Maryfast]

I'm part of a mixed friendship group who have been friends since school. We went on a night out Saturday night and my partner works away (we've been together 4 years and bought a house last year). He tends to work away for 3 weeks and then be home for 2 weeks.

Anyway, friends were asking how he was and conversation soon turned to how some would never do a relationship that entails being far apart from each other for certain amounts of time. Then conversation turned to trust and I was saying how I can never imagine he'd cheat on me and how lovely he is.

That"s when one my male friends made the comment on the thread title, followed by how all the males he know outside our friendship group have cheated but all the friends never say anything.

I don't believe this to be true at all and I've never imagined my partner cheating. Does anyone else believe in the view that "men have an innate ability to cheat?"

I think it's nonsense

@TomPinch full affairs may not be rife but I'd consider it cheating if my parter was having suggestive sexual conversations with someone else, touching them on the leg etc while chetting in the pub etc too.

This with bells on. He's a dick.

And some women might be shagging loads of men.

I used to think that statement was a load of nonsense but now I am older I would say about 2/3 of the men I know have either physically cheated or cheated by messaging other women once they got to mid/late 40’s. This is just the men who have got caught.
These are the same nice guys who help run the footie club on a Saturday and who are lovely and kind to their wives and seem genuinely happily married.

If all men cheat they must cheat with someone so therefore all women cheat too, by that rationale. Otherwise who are they cheating with? There was a thread on here recently where the OP kissed her work colleague, the general advice was to keep quiet about it.

I guess it depends how you define cheating?

The men who say “all men cheat” are cheaters and believing that is how they rationalise their behaviour.

Well of course everyone has the "innate ability to cheat". That's just obvious. If you're capable of a relationship and not in a coma or something, it's a theoretical possibility that you could cheat.

It certainly doesn't mean everyone does.

I'm as sure as I can be that my husband has never cheated on me.

I do think, though, that men are generally more likely to cheat even while happy in their relationship. I don't think that happens so much with women.

It is nonsense.

What does happen, is that you get small social circles where all the men in that circle cheat, and they assume it’s more widespread than it is. Like when I worked in the city, the men in finance and also sales all seemed to think cheating normal and joked about it a lot (“Just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score” 🤢🙄) but the men I knew in a law firm all thought cheating was weak and for losers. Etc.

Talk about generalising. OP your friend can’t speak for all men. Women are just as a capable of cheating.
My DH works a similar shift pattern to your dp, without trust it just wouldn’t work. I trust him 100%.

Statistically it's half.

I think the definition matters, though. Do we count university students aged 18 whose commitment is that they've been going out for two months?

Nah don’t think all men do.

No it isn't just men.

What I found shocking as I grew up and was later into adult life is the amount of cheating in general.
Men AND women.
I don't know if it is more prolific in my field of work but it happens a lot more than I ever thought it would.

Is he single?

because he’s just basically said - me and my make friends have no qualms about cheating as we know you won’t do anything about it and everyone will pretend it isn’t happening.

Man here… absolutely not. Why ruin something that is special for something that is pointless.

And they are cheating with who? The nice mums who make the sandwiches for the footie teams, and seem happily married, perhaps?

And they are cheating with who? The nice mums who make the sandwiches for the footie teams, and seem happily married, perhaps?
No the 24 year old women from work.

I think more people cheat than whose partners know or ever find out about it - after all, look at all the MN threads where shocked posters suddenly discover affairs which have been going on for months or years which they never guessed about, and who would probably never have found out at all had the affair ended before the point of discovery or had only been a short fling or one night stand.

I think men get more opportunities to cheat if a couple has children. I suspect among young childless people the percentage difference between the sexes isn’t that much.

Perhaps not all men, but the vast majority. I never in a million years thought my dh would and he did. I don’t trust a soul now.

Birds of a feather flock together
Agree with this. It's like the fact that I don't know anyone who uses coke but I know there are groups of people where everyone uses.

I am sure that not all men or women cheat.

I suspect more women cheat, let's face it it's so much easier for women to indulge in a casual fling.

I remember an article some time ago about stag and hens where hotels were saying hen parties were a lot worse than stag dos. Stag dos tended to be lads getting drunk, hen parties were wilder with more sex.

Some men and some women cheat. Some repeatedly. Cheats are despicable cowards.

Many others of both sexes don't ever cheat, perhaps totally happy and in love with their partner or just not that horrible and would rather end things first.

CraigDavid · Today 22:07

Statistically it's half

Could you explain this. Half of all people cheat once in their life or half of relationships have a cheating episode or half of marriages end because of cheating or some other definition? It's importan because if you cheat in one relationship you are far more likely to cheat in another so does that person (who repeatedly cheats) count once or everytime they cheat?

Your mate is just trying (and failing) to be macho. Ignore. Everyone has the potential to cheat. Doesn’t mean everyone does.