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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not go back full time - ever?

374 replies

Geeseflying · 12/10/2022 17:17

DH and I have one child. I work three days a week.

I don’t like my job but I can just about bear it for three days. If I had to do it for five I would be miserable.

The obvious answer is to get a job I do like for five days. But I am a teacher. Even if I could find something that paid equivalent it would leave us with holidays to cover.

So AIBU to stay PT once DS is school age?

OP posts:
Bramshott · 12/10/2022 18:28

I'm guessing with all the marking and prep work, a part time teaching job is pretty much full time hours during term time anyway?

fgswhywouldIdothat · 12/10/2022 18:30

YANBU... but I work 4 days, and get paid for 4 days, but am doing work which is equivalent to a 5 day a week+ job. I resent this.

Clockwatching54321 · 12/10/2022 18:30

Hell no! I work 0.6 and have no intention of ever being full time. I will consider 0.8 esp if we need the money (cost of living etc) but I don’t think I will ever go full time again

Dalaidramailama · 12/10/2022 18:32

Do it. I haven’t worked full time since I was 20. Mid 30s now and can’t ever see that trend buckling. For me full time is too much. Never much time to relax or do the things I like doing.

christmaspudding43 · 12/10/2022 18:33

equaitygrey · 12/10/2022 18:16

As a full time worker who has a spouse who is part time around childcare (with SEN who will always need a degree of support) - I feel totally suffocated with the burden of having to be full time and being the bulk of money in and I know I won't be ever able to cut down unless my spouse goes full time - which won't be easy as he's self employed, lost skills etc etc. and it was my idea in the first place and necessary at the time.

Just be really sure you aren't resented by your other half for placing the financial burden on them to be FT and you are prepared financially to have 2 part time workers if it came to it.

I think this is where it becomes difficult OP. You say your OH's job doesn't lend itself to part time but would it be financially possible, ignoring the rest for now? Would you be able to afford for OH to retrain? In the future more than now, probably, but do you see the finances working out that way?

That said, I 100% understand why you don't want to teach full time. I don't really know what the answer is.

mistermagpie · 12/10/2022 18:34

I work three days a week. Slight difference that I have three children so even when the youngest is at school (she's two) I'm still going to have to pay three lots of wrap around care and holiday cover. That's not so bad if you're a teacher to be fair, the holidays will be sorted, but for me it's just not really worth the extra stress for me and the fact that my kids would be doing longer days outside of the home.

By the time my youngest is at high school I might consider it but I'll be in my early 50s by then and might not fancy going back full time!

DH works four days a week himself so there's no resentment about me having days 'off' from him, not that there would be because I do the bulk of the running round and housework anyway.

Do what you can afford to do and what creates the least stress. I like my job as it goes and it pays pretty well for what it is, I know I would never find a job like this again so I'm hanging on to it!

reluctantbrit · 12/10/2022 18:37

DD is 15, I love my job but I will never go back to full time.

Just because school starts, children don't need to less parenting, I actually find school, esp. primary, more demanding.

We can have free weekends as I do lots of housework on my day/days off.

DH is. absolute ok with it, as I free him to work strange hours on my days. off (working with US based colleagues, so long evenings).

PT salary still gives me a generous pension in 15 years.

I have two childless colleagues who work PT out of choice and none of the ones who started PT after maternity leave ever went back to FT.

SleepingStandingUp · 12/10/2022 18:37

If DH is happy with the financial burden being primarily in him and you having more off time than him to facilitate that, it's fine. But I think those two days should be used primarily for the benefit of the family, so you have more leisure time of a weekend. So at least one of those days cumulatively on house stuff, trying to reduce weekend housework

Singinghollybob · 12/10/2022 18:38

Surely it's just up to you and your husband. I wouldn't work at all if I didn't have to.

Phineyj · 12/10/2022 18:40

I'm in a similar position. I will never go back to full time teaching. It's too exhausting mentally and physically. I can easily spend my two days "off" planning and marking. My DC has some additional needs that create some work and her sleeping's a bit iffy so I haven't the energy to do more than 2 hours of work in the evening or work all weekend. And I don't want to!

60% once you reach the top of the main payscale is pretty tax efficient too. You wouldn't actually make 40% more FT because of higher tax and higher costs.

I do have some investments and a private pension though.

There's a reason the UK's got pretty much the youngest teachers in the OECD! We're knackered!!

Applesonthelawn · 12/10/2022 18:42

All that matters is that you and your partner agree on the best way to manage household finances and workload. It matters not one jot what anyone else thinks about it.

Phineyj · 12/10/2022 18:42

Oh and my husband is a lecturer. His full time hours are less than mine most weeks, although he doesn't get so much holiday. He hardly ever needs to bring work "home" (except when he's choosing to work here).

Clairey844 · 12/10/2022 18:46

I have a 4yo (just started school) and a 14mo. Work 0.4 as a teacher in primary. Fortunate that we have a few job shares working part time and it seems to work. Partner and I have already had the discussion about my work in the future and he is more than happy for it to continue as it is even when the youngest is at school full time. For us personally we want it to be one of us doing as many drop offs and pick ups as possible, not to have to rely on wrap around childcare too much and for one of us to be available if children are ill for example. Obviously finances are an important consideration but if you can manage then stay PT. Teaching is bloody hard and I feel that being part time means you can give your best to your pupils as well as your own children; I can't imagine being my best for either groups if I was full time (I worked full time for 13yrs before I had my daughter)

millymog11 · 12/10/2022 18:47

Nice position to be in to not work because it would make you "so miserable".

Mogginsthemog · 12/10/2022 18:47

I work 3 days a week. I do like the members of the public I work with (mostly!) But I feel 5 days a week would be less sustainable.
Whenever I've worked ft in the past , even the job I enjoyed the most, I would always be on weekend countdown by Thursday lunchtime.

As for teaching, I met one years ago who had no DCs and was 3 days a week. She found it more manageable, with all the marking and planning etc.

ThanksItHasPockets · 12/10/2022 18:48

I am a teacher and have done many combinations of full and part time from 0.6-1.0 since becoming a parent. I found that full time is easier in many ways as your PPA is at its maximum and decreases proportionately as you reduce your working time. I took much more work home when PT than when FT and I teach a core subject with a lot of marking.

You sound absolutely miserable. Teaching is hard and tiring but it should not drain you to this extent. I quite seriously suggest that a) you try another school with a less toxic culture and that b) you get your health checked, especially iron and thyroid.

TempyBrennan · 12/10/2022 18:48

I’m with you OP mine still aren’t in school but I have no intention on returning full time probably till my children have finished school/are driving and independent.

a lot of logistics of our life just don’t lend its self to me working full time, and I don’t want to sooooo… I’m not 😂

Oysterbabe · 12/10/2022 18:49

I'm in the same position. Youngest has just started school. I work 4 days. My child free day off is GLORIOUS. I will not be giving it up for anything.

Original poster
Geeseflying · 12/10/2022 18:49

The thing is, if DH did everything I did - not just the doing it but the thinking and the planning involved - the posts telling me how resentful he must be might have a point.

As it is, my two days a week off aren’t spent watching tv and reading, they are spent caring for DS and at the risk of blowing my own trumpet I am good at it, not more or less so than anyone else of course but we go to the park, library, toddler classes. I do housework when he naps.

Now I get that things will change when he’s at school, I’ll have two days ‘free’ except it will be one day as I’d hope to compress hours to enable me to pick up / drop off. And that will be housework.

Of course I don’t want DH resenting me. And I’d hope he would say something if he did. But I also don’t want him seeing this as a purely preschool thing either, that once I’ve done the hard graft of working with a very young child I go back full time!

OP posts:
Kentgirl2525 · 12/10/2022 18:49

Life’s too short to be unhappy so if you can afford pt then do it!
I reduced my days (teacher) to pt before I even had a child as it got too much and it was alternative to quitting.
finding a new job is easier said than done plus teaching means you can have school holidays off too so not paying childcare.
no1 would work for free or if they didn’t have to imo! Who cares if your kids are in school no1 says you have to be full time!
enjoy your days off with kids at weekend and week day/s off get admin/ housework etc etc done.
life’s for living so do it if you can!

Original poster
Geeseflying · 12/10/2022 18:51

you sound absolutely miserable where? Hmm genuinely, where?

I have as much PPA as I did when FT. I can’t work out why but it suits me, so I’m not asking. I also don’t tend to get the heavy duty exhausting exam stuff. I liked teaching a level back in the day but it is a lot of stress.

OP posts:
awmum2b · 12/10/2022 18:51

I'm currently part time, thought I would go back full time once my DD started school...but here they only do a half day on Friday.

Hoping to increase my hours slightly over my 4 working days but realised I'll probably never go back full time, mentally I'm not sure I want to do the 5 day trudge again. I'm finding I'm so much more productive over 4 days!

wb3 · 12/10/2022 18:51

This thread goes some way to explaining the gender pay gap.

Original poster
Geeseflying · 12/10/2022 18:52

And yeah … I do think those who are whataboutering DH are forgetting that because of me DH has full time free childcare in the school holidays - it’s really not a bad old deal.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 12/10/2022 18:52

I'm PT, my youngest is in year 6. I've not had a full time job outside of our home for 16 years.

Why would you go full time if you didn't have to? It's even better being PT when they're at school...you get time to do all your hobbies.