To not go back full time - ever?

[Geeseflying]

DH and I have one child. I work three days a week.

I don’t like my job but I can just about bear it for three days. If I had to do it for five I would be miserable.

The obvious answer is to get a job I do like for five days. But I am a teacher. Even if I could find something that paid equivalent it would leave us with holidays to cover.

So AIBU to stay PT once DS is school age?

I’ve never worked FT since my first was born 20 odd years ago, and I never will.
As the vast majority of housework and food shopping falls to me, I don’t see why I should.
If DH wants me to earn more, he needs to do more.

I find it interesting that several here see PT women as users, live on their DH's money and expect him to fund her.

DH was with me from the beginning that I should keep PT days. He openly admits to everyone that life would be more stressful if I am not doing a bigger share of home work on my non-work days. We pay into a private pension for me to add to my work one but as all our money is shared it's not that I bill him for going shopping for DD to offset the pension contribution.

I earn a good wage even with PT, mainly because I was lucky with my job development but I am still only earnning 50% of DH's salary, even if I would go FT.
If we would split, I would be able to support myself and DD.

For me it's important to show teenage DD that a) you should earn enough to be independent and have safeguards in place if the main earner (regardless who) falls out like life insurance and critical illness insurance and b) that FT is not the goal for everything as long as the partnership you have is fair and supportive.

I think if you taught 3 days a week in a demanding school where you actually need to do 5 days (2 unpaid) to keep on top of it you'd quickly understand the issue! Schools here are completely unrealistic about the time needed to do the job. It's partly the class sizes. You can mark a dozen essays A-level essays in a couple of hours. 40 or 50 is going to take a day.

Great to see that we are still a hard working nation, everyone agrees you should be part time. Make Briton Great again

I pay my bills, and I don’t owe anyone a penny. Why should I work FT ?

Hi. Haven’t read all the thread but NO you are not unreasonable.
I did this.
I worked full time before I had kids. Went into teaching (pre kids) as I wanted school holidays off - we had no family locally to help us and my husband works irregular shifts so wasn’t a constant and most weekends.
had kids.
worked PT in teaching until youngest was 12 … decided I couldn’t take any more and family life as going downhill due to the stress.
took a normal office job FT then (couldn’t find PT at salary I wanted) but this job 2 mins from home
really enjoy new work life balance - with teaching I was working in the evening in front of tv and never switching off!
do what is right for you!
my DH supported me throughout as he’s a bit of a lazy bugger (😍) and had the house clean, washing done & dinner always on the table when I was PT - he preferred me pt as now he has to do some of those things 🤣
yes - you need to worry about pension - my teachers pension is awful as I was pt for 16 years but I now work for a company that pays in 3 times what I do and my DH pension is v good and we’ve always had the informal agreement that unless I shagged around - I would get half if we split up. (Been married for 22 years)
when my kids were young- it was expected that you worked PT. Now it seems the expectation is you work FT and kill yourself so some people might be jealous!
just cut your cloth accordingly- we didn’t have holidays abroad for years and camped in the UK for at least 8 (and I hate camping) as that’s all we could afford!
good luck in making your own decision😊

except OP decided she needed the opinion of a hundred mums-netters

I really couldn’t care less what anyone else does. As long as someone who is able to work doesn’t decide they shouldn’t have to and then claim tax payer money to make up for it.

What could actually improve the UK would be a focus on productivity and not just hours worked.

Totally with you.

I worked PT after having DC for years but it was always very demanding PT work (not teaching). During the pandemic I took on a role in which I regularly worked 39+ hours crammed into 3 days, being paid 0.6 for what for many people is a full time week. You can imagine my reaction, then and now, to anyone getting sniffy about PT meaning lazy.

Having said that, if pp want PT for an easy life, it’s totally their business.

Contribution isn't just about money, never feel guilty for wanting to spend time with your child. You contribute in other ways, your hubby gets to go to work and you deal with most things. I was a SAHM. Just like a flash they are 19 & 16. So glad I spent all that time with them. You will be able to fill the two days with stuff that needs done then can spend your weekends as a family. Don't feel guilty.

OP I could have written your post. Like the poster above I have also been 0.6 FTE for 14 years and recently increased to 0.7 due to cost of living. If you can afford it and it suits your family go for it and feel no guilt. I worked damn hard to get to the seniority I have which enables me to work part time and afford it, I try to remember that on days I feel 'guilty'.

...your hubby gets to go to work...

Lucky guy, what a treat.

Which "Briton" (sic) do you want to make great again?

Fern? She's had a tough few years (I know I'm taking liberties on the spelling of her surname...).

I am a teacher working 3 days and have done since my first child was born. They are now 6, 9 and 10 and I have no intention of going back full time unless something drastic changes with our finances. I am not against the idea of working FT in general but as a teacher working FT would mean never being able to pick my kids up or drop them off at school which is a sacrifice I am not willing to make.

My husband is on board because I don't mind doing the majority of the cooking, cleaning, organising of kids stuff because I only work 3 days. I also get a bit of time with my friends on my days off so generally have the weekends to spend as a family without trying to squeeze other things in.

I can pick up supply days in my school as well to get a wee bit extra money if I want without the commitment. I think just do what's right for you and if you can afford it and your husband is in agreement when why not?

I am a teacher. My kids are 16 and 14 now and I am still 0.8. It makes the job just about bearable!

Most teachers actually like being with the kids. It’s all the other crap they don’t like.

Sounds good to me once you and DH are both happy with it and you have thought about your financial position in later life/pensions/if something happened to your DH etc. Two parents working full time is stressful for everyone I find. I know a few couples who manage it well as they have lots of money/family support but for most it seems a slog and a stressful balancing act.

I have no intention of ever working full time again unless some awful life circumstances necessitate it. I would be a ball of stress. My DH works away though so all the day to day parenting falls to me. If I worked full time my children would undoubtedly suffer as I wouldn't have the time/energy to put into them.

Jusr ensure to protect yourself financially and enjoy!

I’m all for working p/t but just out of interest, how does it work for the DC? If you work p/t and teach e.g. French, and secondary get there 2 hours a week with you, then fine. However, if they are 6 and have you 3 days, then someone else 2 days, then as a parent I wouldn’t be alright with that.

I guess you’d have to find a secondary with only full time staff, then.

That's a funny question. Lots of secondary schools have a lot of part time staff. Sometimes they work it out so that you have to work a set 3 days in order to make the timetable work so you always teach certain classes. Sometimes you might share a class and one of you do all of x topics and the other do all of y topics.

Nearly 50 hardly any of my friends / peers are full time maybe 10%? Most have at least 1 day off a week most work flexibly.

I’m a teacher and my kid is now a teenager. He basically said I was a rubbish mum as I’m never available. Other people make holiday time work so don’t let that stop you. There’s a Facebook group called life after teaching. Join it as so many tips about getting out.