To not go back full time - ever?

[Geeseflying]

DH and I have one child. I work three days a week.

I don’t like my job but I can just about bear it for three days. If I had to do it for five I would be miserable.

The obvious answer is to get a job I do like for five days. But I am a teacher. Even if I could find something that paid equivalent it would leave us with holidays to cover.

So AIBU to stay PT once DS is school age?

I suppose what I was asking was: are you happy with being the default parent?

If you are, that's cool but if you aren't, you could talk to your DH about changing it.

Personally I would not tolerate being up at 5 while he slept till past 8 but it's your call for you

@NCHammer2022 thanks so much for sharing. I’m going to put her in after school clubs too. I’ve recently started Mat leave as I have a month old baby. When I floated the idea of a 3 day working week, my manager wasn’t even receptive to it - I got told a definite no…
I’m hoping I can manage to look after 2 kids on 4 days a week… with a couple of days working from home per week.

My youngest is 9, I’ve not gone back full time. I do 3 days - I’m more productive, healthier, creative - I think four day week for everyone is the goal (3 if you can get away with it!) DH and I both self employed, works out fine YANBU

Teaching is bloody HARD WORK and very stressful. 3 days is enough if you have children. Money can be saved by shopping around cheaper supermarkets, having time to cook cheaper meals from scratch, having more time to keep your house organised which reduces stress tremendously .
oh yes, and more time to warm your DH’s slippers and have his meal ready for when he comes home 🤣🤣🤣 - joking about the last bit of course 😂

This is the first discussion I have seen anywhere where teachers admit to not liking their job. Normally you hear from those who say they love it. Secondary teaching can be hell now, I think, much worse than in my day in the 1970s to late nineties..I retired with enormous relief although on a reduced pension because Inhad not put in the requisite forty years for a full one.

Do it, and top up your income by doing some private tutoring! 🤗

I am a 3 day a week teacher too. DC teenager. YANBU. Teaching full time is very hard. As children get older they also require more of your time and energy.

Have you just joined Mumsnet?!

Every teacher on here hates their job and thinks it's the hardest thing in the world

I agree, it’s hard to know how someone can have been on MN (or even in the real world and known teachers) without knowing how much many dislike it and more the case, just how hard they find it.

It’s rarely that they dislike teaching itself or children…fortunately. It’s the way the job has become all-consuming and can lead to 12 hour working days and the fact it’s so under-resourced.

I think it’s a bad indictment on the job that so many feel that in order to just cope they need to reduce to 3 or 4 days and can’t manage 5. Many say they still work the hours of a full timer if part-time, but by being sort time they stop it taking over all the weekend too, or give them some sense of control over their lives. For many, it is go part-time or leave. But as we know, simply leaving and doing something else isn’t that straightforward.

For those shocked that lots of teachers dislike elements of their job or find it really hard, and who suggest they should leave, just consider what would happen if all those who do feel like that left. Where would schools be? Sadly, give it 20 years and Insuspect education will be radically diffferent because there simply won’t be the people willing to do what the current model is.

Id think it will become much more low-paid TA led….a teacher planning lessons and TAs delivering, but not really teaching. Unless they dsigniviantly improve conditions and also pay, they just will find the recruitment crisis grows ever worse so delivering the current model isn’t possible. No signs of change, so more likely the model will adjust. It will be a ‘cheaper’ form of education with less qualified staff. The kids will be the losers.

To me being a sahm should never ran the worker does nothing.your still a team and the excuse that they work really grates if they do sweet fa. The stay at home isn’t doing nothing.
kids still need both parents and both to do some of the shitty side of it too.

I say sit down and discuss the pros and the cons with your husband, see what he thinks about you being a PT teacher and a SAHP on non working days. If you are honest with him about it now then it's dealt with and all the cards are on the table.
I've recently had to have a similar discussion with my husband for a very different reason and his response was he'll take overtime to make up for it, I've told him that if the worst case scenario happens then I'll be out of work completely and he can look at going into a Monday - Friday job and have time as a family during the weekend, currently we work a rotating shift schedule so we barely see each other but we don't need to worry about childcare costs as he has the children the days I'm working and vice versa.

I worked 18 hours which DD was little (nursery) I then increased to 22 when she started reception. She is now in Yr 1 and I have increased to 30 - I won't go any higher than that as I need my sanity

I’m also a teacher, if you need the extra money why not work on supply for the other two days? No planning, you just turn up , do your best then clear off .

These posts do make 🤦‍♀️ So many women suggesting “why go back if you don’t have to”. And most of those that don’t have to is because their partner is full time. Does anybody consider that the partner may not love their job but does it because they do have to?! I suppose the patriarchy is to blame for that 😂

I'm 0.8 and doing an MA part time. My youngest is 10, other 2 at uni (one UG, one PG)
You have one life, do what makes you happy.

I'm sick of society telling women we must work and do it all. If people can afford not to work, they should have the right to choose that.

Study after study show that women in couples do more housework and childcare than men on average. So all you really achieve with working hours equality is the women having more work to do.

This is in men's power to change if they want to...sure, if you're in a relationship where your partner would prefer to do 3 days and would genuinely do a decent job with all the other stuff in the gained time, then fair enough - it should be discussed and the part timer should consider going full time, or both doing 4 days or whatever.

I read about those couples on here but have met none in real life...

Nope same here. Do 3 days and DD is 1 next week (have older DDs at secondary) - I MAY go up to 4 days when she goes back to school but defo won't go back to 5 days again. Already made that clear to DH, if I did he be paying for a cleaner anyway 🤣 when DD is at secondary I may find something else full time as won't necessarily need all the holidays then.

I think it's a decision for you both and if you can afford it that's fine.

I have a 4 and a 5 year old (my youngest was diagnosed with cancer in feb which has made the balancing harder).
I'm the highest earner, we are both public sector, we both work full time but are also both compressed so we work 4 really long days and usually for half a day on our days off, esp now they are both at school. My husband is off on a Weds and me on a Friday. We're definitely not changing the model whilst my youngest is still having treatment. We've discussed both moving to 9 in 10 at some point, so we'd each have the Friday off every other week. Our childminder doesn't work on a Friday and I do feel like I need a day at home to sort out stuff.

I've always been very independent, i like earning a decent amount of money and responsibility at work. I don't love my job at the moment but I've worked really hard to get to the position I have. I have some flexibility esp with my daughters illness so at the moment I work from home at least one day a week. I like that my husband also has a day off in the week and can do drop off and pick up etc. A sense of equality is important to me and we are not 50% equal in the home but not far off.

I like the idea of working 3 days a week for balance but it would be impossible in my position and I think we would miss the money at this point.

I’ve never gone back full time yet and my oldest is 10. Not sure I ever will! I’ve done a combo of being a SAHM, doing part time fixed term contracts and supply. Love supply as I can pick and choose and enjoy life. I’m very aware I’m extremely fortunate that we can afford this way of working but so what? Can I not enjoy being a bit lucky?! Some people are lucky enough to be beautiful, some utterly adorable, some extremely talented. I’m none of these things. I’ll take the luck I have though thanks and not be ashamed of it.

I would change to a job you do like, and do that part time. But also look at your pension calculations, you won't believe the difference it makes 🙈 Another reason to find a job you'd like to do until you're 80, so you can enjoy life from right now

According to this thread, society tell women NOT to work. It’s men with all the pressure to do it all?!

I have three kids and have worked FT since my youngest was about 9 months old. Reading all these posts make me a bit sad for the posters - so many people miserable at work! What I would be doing is looking to change careers rather than cutting my hours. I also agree with a PP who doesn't understand why a healthy 30/40 year old is so drained by 3 days work a week...might be something to look into.

my oldest child is a teenage child and I am passionate about showing her the example of a woman finding satisfaction at work and not subsuming her professional ambitions to those of her partner. I would never put myself in a position where my financial well-being depended on someone else's goodwill. Ever.

Life is short, yes, but to me that is all the more reason to fill it with as much as I can - fulfilling work that enables me to support myself and my kids is a huge part of what I need, and I would be loathe to give it up.

• teenage girl 🙄😂

Reading this I'm beginning to think all teachers hate their jobs, poor kids, their teachers don't want to be there!

My husband is a secondary school teacher and hated his previous job because of the kids. I couldn’t believe the stories he used to tell me.

He now works at a better school and the children are wonderful but he still dislikes some aspects of his job.

A lot of people don’t like their jobs and teachers are just as human as the rest of us.