To not go back full time - ever?

[Geeseflying]

DH and I have one child. I work three days a week.

I don’t like my job but I can just about bear it for three days. If I had to do it for five I would be miserable.

The obvious answer is to get a job I do like for five days. But I am a teacher. Even if I could find something that paid equivalent it would leave us with holidays to cover.

So AIBU to stay PT once DS is school age?

Totally agree that half this pot sound bitter, nasty and jealous. Prob most of the one who beat on about "working full time" earn less than you do in your three days teaching anyway 😆 ignore them and leave them to it. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone and all the teachers on here totally get it. You are putting your child first and that's great. Your husband loves you and will want what's best for your health too. He will see and know and appreciate what you do. So many bitter people on here tonight 😝 and for what it's worth I'm a single mum of two children who both have sen and, shock horror, I teach part time. Move aside now while they spit on me. Look father yourself lass, and do not let nasty opinionated people like half of this lot bring you down.

@BretonBlue financially yes. This is partly due to being born at the ‘right’ time - DH and I both bought houses before the mid 2000s boom - and partly because we came to parenthood late. That has financial advantages but disadvantage in other ways. I can’t apologise for that, it is what it is.

At any rate, I suppose the point is that when DS (and we would like another child but thus far have not been successful) is at primary school, he will still be in need of before and after school care, which I can do if I stay part time. If I look to go full time when he is in secondary, I will be 52, and I am not sure at all I will have the stomach for it. So it is possible I will stay part time for many years.

But life can and does change. As more than one person has mentioned, DH may want a career change and to go PT. He may die, or get ill, or leave. We may opt for private school for DS, and the financial commitment may mean working full time is a good idea. All sorts of variables. As I have said, I will be guided primarily by what is best for DS.

*lot
*after

@Geeseflying If as a family you can afford to stay working p/t and hubby is cool with that, then go for it. It really doesn't matter what other people think, let them call you what they like. It smacks of jealousy. Who has to say how anyone else's family situation is if the family is happy and harming no-one.

I don't work, due to mental health issues, but the last few months things seem to be improving. Luckily there is no financial pressure for me to have to work. If when I'm 100% better I find a small part time job that suits us as a family, well, that would be great. If I don't then hey ho, it's our business.

There is a lot more to life than work!

I am absolutely not criticising you. I’m just musing on the fact that you have a level of financial security that is unimaginable to someone ten or fifteen years younger than you in a comparable profession and that might go some way to explaining how unpleasantly ill-tempered this thread has been. I’ve been here years and it’s always strident on AIBU but people have been really vile to each other on this thread.

a level of financial security that is unimaginable to someone ten or fifteen years younger than you in a comparable profession

Well, I was also full time when I was twenty five and thirty (and forty - went on maternity leave three months after my fortieth birthday.)

But I also don’t think that this is totally accurate. There are many part time teachers of varying ages.

Jeez OP you are getting a hard time on here, there's some very odd logic and possibly jealous nastiness.

I hear you. It sounds like you are financially secure. If it works for you and DH then do it. We do the same. My DH works from home, I do 4 days a week. I do more of the housework and cooking etc but we split childcare and jobs between us. We are a team and it works for us.

Therefore I don't need to justify it to anyone but myself, and especially not nasty catty posters on here. Neither do you.

Yes, and a teacher now working full-time at those ages is going to find it much harder to buy a property than you did. I don’t mean comparable in terms of PT/FT, I mean teachers and other public sector professions.

Of course there are. Because lots of people are sheep and scared to death of not doing what everyone else does, either to prove a point or because of low self-esteem or to the point of mental and physical exhaustion which leaves them off work anyway. How silly. Good for you for putting your own family first and yes that includes your needs and so it should. I think it's a great idea. It's not your fault you are financially able to do it. But it would be almost daft to plough on regardless in the drudge of full time teaching if you don't need to. Ignore the narcy comments of "oh well, if you're happy living off your husband..." 😆 Shrieks jealousy and bitterness and it's none of their business. One thing I have learnt from teaching and the toxic environment that is state ed is that you have to look out for yourself in life.

I can’t make myself ten years younger, @BretonBlue … now if I could …

Surely it depends where you live though BrettonBlue? I mean yeah someone in London would struggle to buy a house on 2 FT teacher wages, but surely its still affordable elsewhere? Or am I wrong?

I am really not looking for a row or criticising you but you seem determined to find criticism in my posts. I will leave you to it and wish you well.

Don’t you think that it’s a valid question then?

DH is taking a sabbatical from work for one year, but is able to continue to cover his normal contribution to the household finances. If he couldn’t I’d not be impressed if he needed me to continue to work full-time to pick up the slack.

Do you have children Jenny and what is the division of labour in the household usually?

Once more for the hard of thinking

If it's OK for the couple in question and they're fine with it it's bugger all to do with anyone else!

Two salaries, in many parts of the country, yes. But OP’s financial security comes from the fact that she bought a property independently and both she and her DH owned a property when they met. There are very few teachers / social workers / nurses buying a property on a single professional salary in 2022.

Yes, but by the sound of it Geeseflying had her children later in life and as such had many years of FT work and savings to draw on to buy her own property (apologies for discussing you in this manner OP when you've not asked Breton a question directly yourself)

If I had worked FT since uni and not had children until my early 40s, I am confident i would be able to buy on a single person professilnal salary outside of the South East.

She said she and her DH bought the properties before the mid-2000s boom, so approx 20 years ago. Single teachers in their late twenties are not able to buy a house on one salary in the way they might if they had been born twenty years earlier.

@BretonBlue - well, to be honest, there are. My former home is a small terraced house in a small town in the midlands. It isn’t Frogmore Cottage. Plenty of teachers can afford that, even now, even on a single salary.

I agree Geeseflying. You can buy a 2 bed terrace in some parts of the world for approx 120k even still.

Of course you can, we don't all live in the south east and expect a five bed detached 😆

Depends on many things. Can you afford it, what does your Dh think, is your pension ok. I worked 3 days for 10+ years while ds's small. Now full time, 2 jobs, part time. But I will go back to 4 days asap.

I went part time after my dd was born. She’s almost 16 now and two more children and a divorce later, I’m still part time. I cannot imagine having a full time job again. I’m happy with my 0.5 contract and I top up with supply days around the children. When they youngest two start secondary school, it will free me up to do more supply days.

When I say a full time job, I mean a full time class responsibility. I am happy topping up my hours to full time with supply.