To not go back full time - ever?

[Geeseflying]

DH and I have one child. I work three days a week.

I don’t like my job but I can just about bear it for three days. If I had to do it for five I would be miserable.

The obvious answer is to get a job I do like for five days. But I am a teacher. Even if I could find something that paid equivalent it would leave us with holidays to cover.

So AIBU to stay PT once DS is school age?

if you can don't like your job and you can only bear a few days then you should think about a change of career. Children deserve to be taught by someone who wants to be there.

This. Children (and their parents) can easily tell when a teacher is desperate to get out, its horrid. My son's teacher was desperate to stop last year and it showed, a lot, in so many ways.

Mine have been in school for a year now and I've stayed part time. It works. No reason for me to change it!

My children are 13 and 18 and I still only work 16 hours a week. I was off work until DS1 was 16 and DS2 was 11 (various reasons, some our choice some no choice!), went back to work and now have a job that only comes with 16 hours so if I wanted to work anymore I'd have to look elsewhere.

TBH I don't intend on ever going back full time, unless we need me to financially. I spend my two days in the week doing stuff that would end up being shoved onto the weekend so that's a nice bonus.

I think you just do what suits you and your family

The thing is, it doesn't matter a damn if someone else thinks you're setting back feminism by twenty years. This is your life - you only get one shot at it, so you have to do what you think is right and what makes you happy. You clearly want to spend time with your son.

You have a stable job 3 days a week that, in the case of desperate need, you could go back to full time. You've made more provision for your retirement than some, possibly many. If your husband is happy with your decision, there isn't any reason for you not to remain part time if that's your informed decision.

If anyone else thinks that's wrong, well, it's just not their business.

Nope YANBU.

Another teacher here in a similar position to you. I've just given birth to DD2 and will be retuning to work 4 days after MAT leave.

I'd stick to 4 days forever if we could afford to, but we're quite lucky that we have a lot of family nearby to help with pickups/after school care etc.

When the kids start school FT, i'd still consider part time PURELY FOR THE DAY OFF. And I actually LOVE my job and the school I work in. God knows how someone who doesn't particularly like it must feel.

You don't need to justify WHY you want to work part time to anyone here, just to have a day to yourself is enough of a reason.

As mothers we have gone through so much in pregnancy, labour, the fourth trimester etc etc whilst our husbands' lives return to fairly normal quite soon after the baby is born. (My baby is 4 weeks old and hubby is already having an evening out on Friday. His Saturday football has already started back up too ). Mums go through PPD and anxiety and are on the clock 24/7 for their children. We are naturally the default parent.

So if you want to work part time even if it's just so you can have a lie in and binge trash TV, you deserve it mama.

BUT, whether you decide to go back full or part time I would recommend moving to a different school. You deserve to enjoy your job.

For those nagging about teachers not loving the job :
Teachers who hate their jobs don't necessarily hate your kids.
They hate having to do hours of pointless paperwork, facilitate restorative justice to students who quite frankly should have been taught manners and boundaries at home, deal with every whim parents manifest and study every evening and weekend for a unnecessary additional dull as fuck and irrelevant educational masters degree that management have deemed essential.

@NCHammer2022 thanks for sharing your experience! My little one starts reception next Sept and is currently going to private nursery 5 days a week… while i work full time. Are you able to share how things get more difficult not less when they start reception?

You do what is right for you op.
Deff have a nice sit down conversation with your dp.let him voice anything or concerns he might have and listen!but also make sure he knows what you give him by being at home.
you might change your kind.shit might happen and you need to go back.liz truss and the tories might bring more shit to our door yet.so as long as you can be if really needs be open to it then it’s all fine for now isn’t it.
you mental health is essential too.
there’s also a lot to be said for having mum at home.a lot.
I wouldn’t even think of the scenior years of your dc yet.thee is so much time I between for things to happen. But if you plan not to go back then that is ok too.

Teaching is a job. Not a lifestyle.
That's it.

you don't have to have a burning passion and devote your life to the school to be a good teacher. In fact, it's probably better for your mental and physical health that you dont.

I have a good friend who is both a single mum, and a part time teacher. Why? Because she lost both her husband and her eldest child.

Theres more to teacher's lives than your kids, parents. Our lives and sanity matter to us more.

I’ll be honest, it does really grate that thorough planning, regular assessment, kindness, pleasantness, calm orderly classroom, is not enough.

YANBU. I always imagined that I would go full time when my youngest started school. Well that has just happened and I have decided (with my husbands full support) to stay at home. We are lucky that we both have good salaries, and I now have time to do the housework in the day so that evenings and weekends are freed up for family time. I also get some time to relax and enjoy my own pursuits which is refreshing after 7 years of having small children at home all the time.

That's the issue isn't it. We can never be or do enough and it's just exhausting

Nope. Similar situation in that I work in education. There's no way I will be going back full time.

My husband works extremely long hours so I can't rely on him to help around the house much or to make tea etc as he's simply not home. So i work two days and will continue to do so even when both kids are at school so I can use any spare time to get the housework done, meal prep etc.

As long as you can afford it I don't see what the issue is.

It's also really important for me to be able ti do the school runs etc and working full time wouldn't allow for that as my commute is 1hr

I agree that being able to work part time is a luxury that many can’t afford to contemplate. That doesn’t mean those can afford it should feel bad or decide they must work full time.

Teaching is a moderately paid job. A household with 2 teachers or similar might well be able to afford to have person work 3 or 4 days instead of 5. It is true that this is more likely if they are a bit older or don’t live in the south east. In the last 10 years, teachers have had real terms pay cuts and house prices have risen a lot. Those who bought many years ago are more likely to be able to afford it, with lower mortgages. I see teachers having their first kid now, who only bought a year or 2 ago, with massive mortgages who need to return full time after maternity as the sums don’t add up. Of course if one partner earns substantially more, it can be possible, but lots of the generation who still have student debts, big mortgages and who haven’t been able to build up savings are more likely to need to work full time, even if living in modest homes. And that trend is likely to grow as wages continue to fail to keep up with prices.

People in lower paid jobs who also just miss out on benefits probably can’t contemplate it at all. People with a high earning partner might be able to stop work altogether. Some are more fortunate and have more options. It’s not fair, but then nothing about economics is fair is it and some have more choices. It doesn’t mean those who have choices shouldn’t take the one that suits them if they are fortunate enough to o have it.

So many things are luxuries, countless.

Teachers who hate their job shouldn't be teaching. Kids deserve better than someone going through the motions. Find something you do like and leave.

I work three days a week and have done since our second child was born.

He has just started school so my DH is making noises about gong full time but I have no real intention of doing so. We can financially afford for me to stay part time, and if I were to go full time the implications of that would negatively affect me, my husband and the children so I see no benefit to it.

I absolutely LOVE my job but I still don’t want to work full time, so I definitely, definitely wouldn’t if I hated it!

If only it was that easy.

A teacher who doesn't like teaching is still better than a class having constant supply or cover.

There's already a shortage of teachers.

The answer to ridiculous teacher workload isn't for teachers to simply leave the profession. It's a nationwide issue that needs to be dealt with.

Something I notice in your posts is that you clearly assume that it will be you doing everything for your kids when they are in school - compressing your hours to do all drop offs and pick ups.

If that's what you want, you will have to stay part time. But I get a bit of a sense of bitterness in your posts too - would you prefer your DH to take more responsibility? It might be worth talking that through with him no matter what decision you take about part time work. It sounds like his work is flexible so no reason why he can't do some of it. Or even .. half!

We both work 4 days a week and I love sharing the responsibility with DH

I’m not bitter but I also recognise that I am the default parent. This morning, I have been up since 5, DH is still in bed.

I started back full time this year (my kids are 15 and 18) but lasted a month. Partly due to health issues but also the extra burden on myself and my husband to get everything done at the weekend when we're busy with the kids' commitments.

I've dropped to three days which feels perfect. Gives me chance to do all the household jobs on the other two weekdays, so weekends aren't a misery of chores.

I should add that I'm choosing to work for self-fulfilment, not for the financial reward as we're fortunate that only one of us needs to work. That makes a big difference to the part time v full time decision.

@ThanksItHasPockets it's not remotely defensive - I don't need bloods because I had full bloods done recently for something else and know I have no issues. I get the point you are making, that women often accept feeling exhausted as just how it is and that sometimes, there may be an underlying medical need, but just because that was the case for you doesn't mean you can extend it generically to all women in teaching experiencing exhaustion. In many schools, behaviour is at an all time los following Covid and this is having a huge impact on wellbeing. It's great if you found an underlying cause for being exhausted (although sorry you have been unwell) but for many the job itself is enough!

Timings - unless you’re using before and after school club then the day is obviously a lot shorter and no flexibility. Can’t just turn up a bit earlier if I need to be at work early or stay later to finish a piece of works There are more requests for things to keep track of - clothing for specific days, bring in a teddy for this thing, bring in an old shirt for that thing, library book on this day, sounds book on that day, etc. There is more to do at home e.g. practicing reading, forming letters etc. My DH is a teacher with a longish commute so has no flexibility whatsoever, meaning I have to do all the school runs and I don’t think I’d manage to keep everything under control if I worked full time. 4 days is working ok at the moment but I probably won’t go back to 5 until the school runs are no longer a thing and she’s old enough to be responsible for all the school admin herself!

I agree but it sounds like OP doesn't enjoy any of it, not just the workload. Don't blame her, I couldn't deal with other people's kids all day either but I would hope (possibly naively) that teachers see it as a vocation rather than just a job to pay the bills.