To not go back full time - ever?

[Geeseflying]

DH and I have one child. I work three days a week.

I don’t like my job but I can just about bear it for three days. If I had to do it for five I would be miserable.

The obvious answer is to get a job I do like for five days. But I am a teacher. Even if I could find something that paid equivalent it would leave us with holidays to cover.

So AIBU to stay PT once DS is school age?

Correct @Zone2NorthLondon

Pension wise, I have nineteen years of FT teachers pension. Plus the part time years. Plus state pension when I am eligible. Plus a house I live in and a house that is let out. I shall not be starving in my old age, far from it.

Career - so I should seek HOD, HOY, etc.? No. I’ve actually done the HOD role for many years. I do not wish to do it any more. It is put simply too much work.

Finances - a few on here are acting like I gave up work at twenty three and haven’t been back since. I work three days a week. I earn. I contribute. Just not as much as I could.

You can dress it all up with icing sugar and coloured sprinkles and lots of gloss @Geeseflying but yes, if a man came on here and said he wants to work part time while his woman works FULL time, he would be slaughtered and called a cocklodger.

I am NOT saying you are one by the way.

You can dress it all up with icing sugar and coloured sprinkles and lots of gloss @Geeseflying but yes, if a man came on here and said he wants to work part time while his woman works FULL time, he would be slaughtered and called a cocklodger.

I am NOT saying you are one by the way.

Yes, you are. Own it.

And I don’t think he would with the surrounding context, but tbh, whatever. A man working three days a week and doing all the housework and childcare is no more a cock lodger than I am. It’s absolutely pathetic twittering well this is what Mumsnet would say … but I wouldn’t . Bloody own it.

Sounds like I have hit a raw nerve.

In those circumstances no.

If there were no kids at home, yes.

Would you be OK if your DH decided to significantly drop his hours and income too?

People saying men asking this question would be called ‘cocklodgers’ and told to LTB miss the point.

These are families where a discussion has been had. They work as a team to ensure there’s enough money and the other stuff that need to happen does too. They work it through as a couple in terms of what will work best and make everyone most happy with as few compromises and losses as possible. It’s absolutely fine if this involves one person working and another not working or being part time, when the finances add up and everyone gains in different ways from someone not working full time.

Its not comparable to a situation where someone chooses not to work and the finances of the family are ruined by it, or a situation where only one oerson has decided not to work and forced the other to work. But some people seem to struggle to understand the difference snd I think that comes when people haven’t had good relationships where people work together to decide how the family should run, and where finances are too tight to allow any scope for different possibilities.

Again, it is a luxury to be able to consider having an adult member not working full time. Teachers earn reasonable salaries and if with another adult in a decent salary too, can often make that choice with a few compromises and sacrifices. Not all workers earn enough to have that choice. Because if that, it doesn’t mean everyone who does and can afford not to work full time, should. It is t a duty or requirement, in the saw way working up to or beyond state retire,net age isn’t a duty or requirement. Some people have more choices due to finances and if they opt to work less and can afford it, they are lucky and entitled to make those choices.

What's sexist about wanting to look after your own children? I don't understand what the issue is with that? Why would I pay someone to do something when I'd rather do it myself. Its a labour of love to do it properly and as such, I am convinced I did it better than someone being paid NMW would do.

I’m in exactly the same position OP - my youngest is 3 YO and I can only do the job because I do three days. Three days where I can give it my all, but still spend time with my children on my other days. I would be miserable doing it full time and can imagine if I was in another, less demanding job I would feel fine doing full time. When my DD goes to school
next September I shall be sticking with my three days - I can’t ever envisage myself being full time in a classroom again.

a man working pt with a ft working wife, mn would be incandescent
describe it in a florid squishy way to deflect but no, mn wouldn’t support the man pt working. Yes he’d be called a cockloder

anyway, going forward will you be direct and say you’re not planning to work FT again,ever. Or pretend to have a collaborative discussion (when you’ve made your mind up) @Geeseflying

Literally no one else has asked that @JennyForeigner2 . Good thing you did!

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps i think you’ve been trying to hit a nerve throughout the thread, tbh. You’ve been as offensive as it’s possible to be. Calling me a female equivalent of a cocklodger - whatever that is - when I am working three days and spending my two days off caring for a child who is not even two is awful and I am surprised you cannot see it.

Well that’s me told. I’m a fucking useless piece of shit. Let’s leave it there.

Sre you heck a useless piece of shit OP. Don't listen to half of this lot, they sound bitter to me. I'm sure you and your husband will make the right decision for your family.

Well over half of my kids friends have mums who work part time. Probably closer to 75%. And the kids are all teens. It's about work life balance for the whole family.

And I'm convinced it is just as important when they are teens.

I agree. Bitter and jealous too 🤨

Yes he WOULD be called a cocklodger. Especially if there were no kids at home. But a woman doing the same wouldn't be. It's weird. As I said, I am not saying OP @Geeseflying a cocklodger if she was part time, but she is insistent that this is what I am saying, and basically called me a liar. It's very telling that she doesn't believe a person saying they're not saying SHE is a cocklodger and freeloader.

As I said, I hit a raw nerve there. She obviously has massive issues with it. Maybe some people have had a go at her for it, maybe she knows deep down her DH doesn't want it (probably dropped some hints or something.. and it's got under her skin.) Something's afoot though, for her to have got so touchy and butthurt.

Good grief. Calm down. NO-ONE has called you a cocklodger. Why are you angry and furious?

Families exist where a higher paid woman works full time and the man works part time or is a full time stay at home Dad. The only people who would think he was a cocklodger or taking the piss would be those who have such gender stereotypes, particularly if what men should be doing, and such old fashioned male pride, that they couldn’t bear for a man to do anything other than work.

This is all about team work. Parents work together to find ways to live that work for them best. If a family don’t need 2 full time incomes, whatever way they choose to allocate their time and resources is fine if both agree and it works for them.

Cocklodgers are men who move into the houses of women who work, with no intention of working and to live off the woman and don’t make any useful contribution at all. The descriptions of here are nothing like that. Where any worker is part time, they have almost always worked full time previously and their relationships did not begin with one person moving in with another to deliberately sponge.

So, MyGuitarGentlyWeeps, you are either deliberately trying to inflame the thread, or deliberately misunderstanding the difference between coklodging and the situations described on this thread. Either that, or you’ve never seen families that work as teams or those where gender stereotypes aren’t in place and the man perfectly happily works full time and the woman perfectly happily works full time, for exactly the reasons that many families do the same in reverse.

An awful lot of people are reluctantly having to increase their hours or take on a second job right now, including professionals like teachers. OP doesn’t deserve the hard time she’s been given but she is in a privileged position and I can understand why the thread might make some rankle. I don’t think it’s helpful to dismiss this as ‘bitter’ or ‘jealous’.

@Geeseflying And how have I been trying to hit a nerve all through the thread? I only came on it just before 9pm. It's been going since just after 5pm.

I see you are pedantic to boot

If pointing out facts makes me pedantic, then yes.

@WhileMyGuitarGentlyWeeps we have got it. I am whatever the female equivalent of a cocklodger is. You’ve said it over and over and over. You know it’s upsetting me, you know I’m finding it highly offensive, you’re wanting to do that because … who knows.

But we have got it, and I’m not sure it’s adding anything of note to the discussion. Perhaps you are right and I am nothing more than a glorified prostitute, but there is nothing to be gained (except I presume your own enjoyment at causing someone upset) in saying it repeatedly.

I have genuinely never heard anyone refer to a woman or man working part time with young children before in these terms and I will admit it is a bit shocking to me. But I have heard it and there is no need for it to be repeated now.