Would you do this, if you could?

[Am1beingUnreasonable]

Indulge me if you will! Bit of a hypothetical question but really interested to hear your views. Long winded but bear with me!

Imagine you’re in a long term relationship, or married, say 10+ years. You have children with this person, for arguments sake say 2-3 all between the ages of 1 year and 8 years.

The opportunity arises for you to live in two separate households. Around a 30 minute drive between properties.

In this scenario the set up would be similar to this:

Monday-Friday the children are with you in your home. You take on all parenting and run your household as you wish. The property is entirely your own to do with as you like. Partner may come over 1-2 times per week for family dinner or to stay the odd night. During this time your partner is working from their own home. They have their home decorated / set up as the like it as do you.

Friday afternoon - Sunday afternoon, you either all stay together in one household, you going there or them staying with you OR the other partner takes all the children to their house and has a weekend with them. You get to be in your own home on your own if you wish!

In this scenario, you’re happy in your relationship, no issues or arguments and you get on very well.

Just for clarity, it is as if you have a home each, both set up entirely as you would like it, your own decor/rules. If either stays at the others home they take a weekend bag with clothes and what they need, you don’t have duplicates of all you need long-term in each others home.

Soooo would you enjoy this kind of set up? Or would it be a non starter?

Sounds like hard work - unless you don’t like your partner in which case worth considering

Only if I had zero regard for my childrens long term mental health.

If I was looking at separating from my husband I would propose that we keep the family home but get a small 2 bed place and me and the ex would alternate staying at the family home when on parental duties.

Yes, yes a thousand times yes! I would love my own home and DH have his. One where every toilet seat would be down, I could watch what I wanted on TV and have all the space in the bed!

If no kids then yes

with kids it sounds like a confusing messy disaster

It wouldn’t work for me but I get the desire to have occasional alone time or to even only make one cup of tea without having to consider the other person! Overall though, I think whoever had the children full time would end up getting resentful. For me, it’s a relief to have my husband come home from work just to have that extra pair of hands so I’d miss that and I’d probably miss hanging out with him every night although occasionally I do wish he’d stop talking and leave me in peace to read rubbish on mumsnet.

It sounds like financially you are in a great place though so definitely utilise it to your advantage! I think I would have a more ad hoc arrangement with the holiday home where if one person needs a break they can go for a few days or take the kids with them but having lives that are too separate doesn’t scream “happy marriage” to me.

No, I don’t think it would be fair on the kids.

No, but I like my partner and like living with him.

So one parent gets to opt out of parenting during the week?! Unfair on the residential parent. We've had the sickness virus running through our house. My husband's been helping me in the middle of the night to sort out bedsheets etc. I like living with my husband and dual parenting.

Why would you want this though? If you’re happy in your relationship wouldn’t you miss the other half? I just don’t get it at all, yeh it might work logistically but why would you want to at all? Is it just for the odd weekend alone in your home? If that’s the case just go to a spa hotel alone for the weekend or something… personally not for me but that doesn’t meant to say it “doesn’t work” depending on why you want to do it.

No way, we can barely keep up with the diy of one house.

That and I’d miss my DH terribly.

Depends if you can afford to run two homes or whether you're planning for tax payer to pick up the bill. If you can afford it and it works for you then do it. I wouldn't do it myself but then I like spending my time with my partner.

Same street could work!! Def not 30 mins apart though. Too many logistics to add into life

Just a note of warning: my dc loved our holiday home until they were young teens. Then we couldn't drag them there for love or money. So you might end up parenting 7 days out of 7 (all those Friday and Saturday night 'mum taxi' obligations cut into your own social life by the way)

It wouldn’t suit me at all, I love spending lots of time with my partner and he’s the same, we choose it and enjoy it. But it might suit you! Different strokes for different folks IMO.

But, why???

If partner is away Mon-Fri for work, they can live in a one bed place, and then stay in the bigger family home at weekends. Why transport children & belongings every Friday, run two family-sized homes, why???

I would love it as long as he is responsible for the kids at the weekend.

No, I like living with DH and would really miss him - even his mess!

I have a similar set up to this although dp and I have our own kids but none together. And we live 3 hours apart.

each have own homes, occasionally stays during week if we are available/work etc then 1 weekend we both have our kids and occasionally share the weekend, the other weekend we spend together.

it’s bliss

I think this would suit some relationships perfectly. We are all different and have different personalities and needs. Some people need a lot more alone time then others.
I couldn’t see it working for my marriage both me and the baby are very happy to see DH come home in the evenings. I would be exhausted and I love chatting away to DH and spending time with him when baby is in bed.

With children, no.
without children, yes.

I don’t understand why you couldn’t have clothing etc in both houses? I would just have two of everything.

The children would miss spending a lot of time with one parent, constantly be shifting their stuff from one household to another. Sounds a right PITA.

I enjoy my partner's company, I hated it when he worked away 3 nights a week.

No. This all sounds a bit odd to me. One partner gets almost all the childcare/homework/getting ready for school/cooking dinner/taking to clubs etc, run a house, presumably working as well. While the other partner dips in and out of family life. Doesn't sound like any kind of a partnership.

But then, I love my partner, I want him around. I like family life. If I need a little time off, he's fine with it. When my kids were very young, my husband worked away during the week, and it was awful for both of us. I wouldn't want to be either of the partners in the scenario you described.

I've not done DHs washing in almost 30 years, our kids are mostly Yadults now and at least partly fledged but they all did their washing from about 10yrs old. Stupid reason for taking on single parenting if you ask me.
What's the real reason? Cos it's not washing or decor really is it?!